THE UNDERWRITER LIVES TO SEE 2009

Yes, bitches. I've made it. 31 years, and not a single bit of evidence that would suggest aging. Maturity? Surely. But I'm a child of God, and I retain my youthful spirit and I remain young at heart. I love being alive at this point in time.

Can you believe that we actually have a black president?! I mean, take away the horrible recession, the toxic sludge in the Tennessee River, the still-unfinished business in New Orleans, the pointless violence in Gaza, the ignorant racism of the Republikkkan party--especially in my beautiful south, the lack of self-belief and the persistence of power-lust and you have a serious opportunity for change. And, as you can tell, I'm not one for the fantasy way of seeing things. I see dead people.

I also see live people. I see the chance to make the miracles that we think only God has the power to perform actually happen, with our own work. And I'm ready to make my mark on the world. We're not in a recession, as it would relate to the richness of the human mind. We're more capable of thinking our collective way out of this mess that we've made than at any point in human history. Why waste it?

Give me the green light. I can go all night. And all year. And all my life. I've been ready to go, and right now is as good a time as any in my term on this planet. Let's all get serious about life this year. Let's not substitute anything for hard work and dedication. As my man White Jesus always says, "Get prolific."

If you read this blog, peace and blessings to you in 2009. Thanks for supporting writers and readers.

AULD LANG SYNE IN 2009

We're getting close to the end of this chapter, my brothers and sisters. And what I will tell you is that we need some motivational mottos for the coming year. We've still got Republikkkans on that racist b.s., Israel and Palestine are still beefing and the media is still hyping the recession. But there's good news all around, if you can sift through the seasoning salt.

Me? I'm taking the next 48 hours to determine what will stay and what must die in my own cypher. In the meantime, while I get my green on, here is a list of possible mantras that you might hear me drop once the ball in Times Square falls. Feel free to use anything you like in your own dialog with other progressive peoples. Add one if you wish!


THE UNDERWRITER'S
AULD LANG SYNE IN 2009:


Time to shine in 2009
(Be a star)

On the grind in 2009
(Don't wait for anything; go get it)

Smoke some Pine in 2009
(Why not?)

Vintage wine in 2009
(Spoil yourself)

No Calvin Klein in 2009
(Pause. Nolo.)

Grow some spine in 2009
(Where your heart at?)

Free your mind in 2009
(The rest will follow)

Please stop lyin' in 2009
(Real talk.)

Gon' get mine in 2009
(Get yours!)

First class flyin' in 2009
(As long as you're paying)

Fly design in 2009
(Swag is dead)

Not left behind in 2009
(Stay ahead of the curve)

Style divine in 2009
(Do it like Jesus would)

Deserve to dine in 2009
(I gotta eat)

Lead the blind in 2009
(Dumb rappers need teachin')

No mo' cryin' in 2009
(You can complain, but who'd listen?)

Beat Ben Stein in 2009
(Get money!)

Get off the vine in 2009
(Gossip and rumors are for girly boys)

Read, then sign in 2009
(Don't get jerked!)

Don't rewind in 2009
(The movement moves forward, not in reverse)

Clean vagine in 2009
(Because feminine hygiene rules)

Fresh behind in 2009
(Gentlemen: wash your draws)


This could go on forever. The point is that 2009 does not have to be lame as hell. Power to the people, wisdom, success, health, strength, honor and happiness to you and yours. And be safe out there on Wednesday night, whatever you do.

Peace!

BIRTHDAYS ARE DEAD

If you know somebody that's a Libra, give them a pound today. Michael Jordan, otherwise known as THE BEST WRITER ALIVE, is celebrating a birthday today, oh my brothers and sisters. In memoriam of his dead Myspace blog and the success of this weird, savage undertaking that you are now reading, he decided to post one for nostalgia's sake. I mean, KANYE WEST might be reading it, or at least some great writers from around the globe. Might as well flex some mental muscle from MJ's Think Tank.

This one was called "The Birthday Blog." It was posted two years ago on Tom's Rupert's social networking site. Since we're two years past, I went ahead and updated it for flow and maturity. Enjoy it like it's the last blog you'll ever read.



############################################################


THE BIRTHDAY BLOG





As hard as I tried not to do this, I broke down 30 seconds ago and decided to write a blog on my birthday. My honest intention was to just clog the Bulletin Board with announcements and irritate people the way they do me everyday. I figured this one time it was for a good cause; those bastards never mind asking me to "CLICK HERE TO SEE MY TITS!", so I don't mind telling everybody that I was born 100 years ago today. At least that's what my profile should say if it's working. How old am I really? Well, I'll admit to being old enough to have finished college (which I haven't), old enough to have put 10 years in the music/media business, wise enough to know that kicking a dead horse won't make it trot and young enough to get carded faithfully when ordering a drink.


Some of the things I've learned thus far are listed below, in no particular order:


- Family is most important. True friends are family, and everyone else is an outsider.

- Women will get you killed.

- The truth is a joke. Try telling a Republican that they're ruining the world. I bet they laugh.

- Never plan your day around someone else's schedule. I've been telling myself that for 12 years, and it's finally kicked in, giving me the ability to feel great about being self-centered and to stop worrying about anyone else's actions.

- You don't necessarily have to put God first. He/She is first anyway, and you're going to figure it out the hard way unless you embrace the grand reality of life.

- I'm the best writer alive. And yes, I mean it.

- Some people never change, for better or worse.

- With the exception of what we call "Kush", Drugs are Bad. Mmkay?

- Most people don't read. They just look at the paper and criticize the pictures.

- You can't work for someone who can't pay you.

- Politics are important, because if you have to put up with liars, you have to pick the ones who are most sincere.

- For some reason, Black people are a threat. Don't ask me why.

- The music industry doesn't exist, like the Mafia or the illuminati.

- Sex cures anything. Except STDs.

- Having musical talent can and will save your life.

- Gossipping men are most likely perpetual masturbators. Eventually they run out of friends and sympathizers.

- Celebrity Blogs are like right-wing radio: destroying our collective conscience day after day after day...

- By the time you read this, I'll be tipsy off some high quality red wine. Spoil yourself; no one else will.

- You have to find something to live for before you start considering what you'd die for.

- Capitalism has good and bad points, but it's still a better system than anything other current model.

- People think that love is about sacrifice, but it doesn't have to be. It could simply and purely be about love, if you think about it.

- Grudges will get you nowhere, but not all things should be forgiven easily.

- You can't compete with someone who doesn't see you as competition.

- There are some moments, people and incidents that you never get over. In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets.


AND STILL MOST IMPORTANT...

- I'm Free.

RISE! YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU WILL.

That headline was borrowed by a famous black man named Marcus Garvey. He was killed, like many other great black men, for standing up for what he believed was his life's calling. He wanted black people to be liberated - mind, body and soul. He called for a mass exodus to Africa by all black Americans (something I'm sure the GOP would love), because he wanted us to know our true historic lineage and heritage. He was about strength and unity. And he is now immortal, because a large number of people continue to carry his legacy into the future, even though he is long gone to those of us who will see the sunlight today.

What about you? What the eff have you done today, besides hit the snooze button multiple times because you were overthrowed (like me) last night? Sure, yesterday was a holiday for working people, so we all deserved a quick break before the fall kicked in. Well, we are now in Autumn, and in the midst of foggy, rainy weather, political craziness and the last four months of the Bush presidency. Rejoice!! And get your lazy ass out of bed and back on that clock. Time is money...

Me? I'm in Birmingham, chilling with my folk-folks and working on the fulfillment of a major goal. As of today, I have officially broken my addiction to cigarrettes with one full month of no nicotine. After today, I will no longer count the days; I've always believed that if you really wanted to stop doing something, you don't count the days since you've last done it. You just say, "I've stopped," once you knew that to be true.

Life is great. I'm happy as hell for no apparent reason, and I've been resorting to my old bad habits, like exercising, reading and refraining from things that keep me from being productive. I welcome you to join me in this thing called "life" in Autumn 2008. History is in our hands, if only we'd awake from the dream of yesterday and commit to the reality of this new realm of possibility called Tuesday, September 2nd.

I'll check back in with you later this afternoon, say around 2pm. Until then, grasp life by the horns and rise with the tide. The hurricane-which-shall-not-be-named did not destroy our beloved New Orleans, and there is a magnificient momentum of which all citizens of this planet are invited to become involved.

So wake up and live. Do something with yourself, and continue to fight the powers that be. Get like me.




By the way, this is not just for black people. White people, you need to wake your asses up as well and join the movement. None of us can do it alone.

GOOD MORNING: YOU ARE NOW ALIVE

This is what happened last night. Contrary to what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Christopher "The Notorious B.I.G." Wallace both said, before they were both assasinated, it was not all a dream. It happened.

As of today, Friday, August 29, 2008, the future is full of promise for those of us who believe in the natural right of all earth citizens to renew the spirit of God within us all. Once again, we can claim the royalty from whence we came. I do not watch the weather report, so I am uncertain whether or not the sun will shine where you awaken this morning, but it is certainly shining down in spirit upon the faces of those who see the dawn of a new day, even if it's through the rain of another Gulf Coast hurricane. And you can count me as one of those people.

We will not only survive the coming storm as a country, we will weather it and rebuild that which has been torn asunder, smashed against the rocks of racism and flooded with fear and loathing. Just as we have before, we shall again. We will conquer that which threatens our livelyhood and build a better tomorrow with the foundation that we have in this very day.

On this day, the Friday before Labor Day, which leads into the month I was born, I am happy, grateful and excited to be a living, breathing human being. And I cherish the fact that some great entity that created this whole idea called "life" actually thought enough of me to place oxygen in my battered lungs once again, along with the vision in my eyes, hunger in my brain and encouragement in my soul. I believe that this is the day that things will undoubtedly become irreversable on the path to a positive existence. And I am ready for the challenge of today, tomorrow and beyond.




I am awake. Now wake your punk ass up too and join the rest of the living; we've got work to do.

WAKE UP: YOU ARE NOW LIVING HISTORY

Who do you want to be today? What's so special about Thursday, August 28, 2008? When do you plan to thank God for the breath that's in your lungs? Where are you going in your life? Why should you be happy to be alive? How do we get even further than we are today?

All six of those questions begin with the starting words that journalists are taught to ask their subjects. Who, what, when, where, why and how. Allow me to add a seventh query to the list:

Do you care enough to be alive at this crucial time in history?


Today is the 45th anniversary of the deliverance of the so-called "I Have a Dream" speech by the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He was a titan among all men, not just African-Americans. If my math is correct, he would be 79 years old today, if he were not assasinated by cowards who did not want to allow change to come about in American society. Unfortunately, like many great men and women who sought to make a difference in the way the world works, he was stopped short before he could see the future he helped develop with his own eyes.





Fortunately for the continuing development of African-American culture - and that is not to say that I don't wish that all cultures continue to develop, besides white supremacists - we have new heroes. Of course, Senator Barack Obama, who was nominated last night as the Democratic nominee for POTUS, is an outstanding, shining example. But there are others, oh my brothers and sisters.

You and I are included in that number of saints who can now march forward into tomorrow with pride, dignity, integrity and purpose. This morning is a great morning, and it is the foundation upon which the future will be built. So please, PLEASE, get your punk ass out of bed and join the rest of the new civilized world.

We are now evolved.

WAKING UP THE DEAD: THE TUESDAY MORNING ALARM CLOCK

To you, this post might have nothing to do with anything, but to me, it has something to do with everything going on in the world right now. You see, the most recent album by your favorite rapper is ony going to last 3-6 months. The flyest video you're going to see in the next week or so will only last until the beginning of winter, and that's if it's really good. That's a short lifespan, and it's only getting worse with more and more people calling themselves rappers and less shelf space available for old rap records. But classic Hip-Hop is immortal. Believe that.


R.I.P. Scott La Rock (Boogie Down Productions)


The problem is that our culture has been hijacked by hermaphrodites and hookers of harmony who don't care what type of music they make, as long as that music makes money and provides for another fiscal year of trickery and financial fuckery. This is probably where "making it rain" comes in, leaving the lower class feeling left out of the loop, wishing for a watershed moment when the odds are even and the ears and eyes of executives are open and exposed. Everyone wants his or her own time to shine, even if it is restricted to fifteen minutes; it's hard not to be a critic when you're riding in a Civic. Best thing to do is stop talking it and live it.'


"This one is for Dilla"... R.I.P. Jay Dee



Like Erykah said on "The Healer," our culture is bigger than religion, "my nigga" and the government. I would add that it should be bigger than money, but that remains to be seen. There are, however, some things that will always be bigger than Hip-Hop, such as life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness freedom.


Quiet as it's kept, Hip-Hop is even bigger than death. Some of our most beloved heroes have found everlasting life through their musical legacies. Word to Big Pun and Buffy of The Fat Boys, who were both big as hell but aren't here to see the new morning with us, like J. Dilla and Scott La Rock.







We're at the dawn of a new day, and all it takes is a majority of believers to overwhelm the minority of haters. But we can't get there if you sleep through your damned alarm clock. So climb your tired ass out of bed and join the movement of the living - those of us who care more about contributing than collecting, ones that are more interested in legacies than liquid assets.

REALLY DEAD MCs

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross died on this day of 2004. You may have no idea who she was, but she was something like an authority on all things dead. Her classic book, On Death and Dying, first published in 1973, confronted the experience of dying and turned Kübler-Ross into an overnight world celebrity. She is considered to be responsible for the success of the medical movement known as "hospice." So big she was, in fact, that Time Magazine named her one of the "100 Most Important Thinkers" of the 20th century in 1999.

Seems only right that she gets a tribute four years to the day that she found out whether or not she was right about her life's work.

She wrote MAD BOOKS.

She received HELLA AWARDS AND HONORS.

She was covered by THE NEW YORK TIMES.

Hell, I even found a STREAMING NPR INTERVIEW.


But just in case you're feeling lazy or just plain uninterested, here are a few quick quotes that I found interesting...

"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had."

"We run after values that, at death, become zero."

"Those who learned to know death, rather than to fear and fight it, become our teachers about life."

*All quotes: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. R.I.P.

THE GUEST LIST IS DEAD

Hope you RSVP'd in time for the Bun B show tonight at The Loft, because I sure as hell did. I'll be somewhere in the crowd after 10pm, throwed like a horseshoe. Holla at your boy if you see me.

I'll have a review for you out-of-towners later tonight or early in the morning. If I don't get overthrowed.

In honor of tonight's concert, let's crank a little bit of that good old UGK for posterity's sake.





PIMP C LIVES!!!

THE REPUBLICKINS' SECRET TO LONG LIFE

Look, it's my job to pay attention, ok? While you were sleeping, I've been noticing that these GOP dinosaurs never seem to die like natural human beings. Like, I think George H.W. Bush is 665 years old, on the low. It might be a rule that once you become down with them, you become one of the undead and have to drink the blood of innocent Shi-Tzus, stolen from gay liberal couples, to achieve everlasting life and help Satan to endlessly steal presidential elections. Truth be told, I used to think Republickins were secretly the descendants of dragon-lizards that once dwelled in moist caves, ate runaway squirrels and wiped their arses on nearby stalagmites. But no, my brothers and sisters...

Courtesy of Ernest Borgnine, a recent tv guest of Fox & Friends, This is why Republickins live for thousands of years:





For the record, I totally believe him. He looks like he hasn't seen female loins since Prohibition. The question is, using the borrowed logic that sexual pleasure is good for the mind, body and soul, shouldn't a person live even longer if they actually had a partner - preferably of the opposite sex - with whom they could have intercourse? Or is it really the process of rubbing one out that makes the difference?

I think it's much simpler. Republickins are wankers who never make contact with other humans, so they avoid the germs. What a bunch of weird losers.

DAMN. (Even More Flowers)

I know you know, because everybody knows. For the record, I just figured that we should take a few extra days to remember Bernie Mac first. I mean, damn, two in one week? This reminds me of 2006, when THIS happened, immediately followed by THIS...


But alas, here we go. Isaac Hayes, pioneering soul man, IS REALLY DEAD. I needed a minute just to properly process the weight and depth of two separate deaths in the black community. I know, I know; black people die all the time. High blood pressure, blood sugar levels, drugs, AIDS, cancer, strokes, etc. But I don't think it's cool for black people to keep dying at or before the age of 65. And I don't always mean to make things seem so b/w, but these are huge losses for the hood.


I am afraid to wonder if too many people at or below the age of 21 are only going to remember Hayes as the voice of South Park's Chef. So let's examine a few of the other achievements and notable moments. He was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2002. He is the man who composed and performed the Shaft theme, which won an Oscar for Best Original Song. He was one of the main songwriters, producers and session players for Stax Records, the Memphis answer to Motown. He starred in movies, television shows and parodies. He had a charitable organization. He went bankrupt in the late seventies, losing the right to future royalties to anything he had already written or performed. He went through the hell and high water of the industry and persevered long enough to remain an immovable object - a timeless legend. An icon of soul.





Oh, and by the way, did you know that both Isaac Hayes and Bernie Mac are going to appear, alongside Samuel L. Jackson, in the movie Soul Men, which will be released in November of this year? Did you know that people are saying that since "Death comes in threes," another famous black celebrity - this time, possibly an actor - will be next to pass? Maybe they're thinking it'll be Morgan Freeman. Maybe Sam. I choose not to think that way. Maybe those who ponder the death of others should just kill themselves and avoid having to share the earth with those they choose to envy. Stop praying on another man's downfall, please.


And now, for his final encore, here's my favorite song from Isaac Hayes, "Walk On By," which was re-filmed for the movie Dead Presidents in 1995.





R.I.P. to Isaac Hayes. This guy was a giant. Oh, and one more thing: If he died worth anything less than $10 million dollars, may his trespassers die a thousand times.

AIDS: BACK FROM THE DEAD

Nobody wants to talk about this, but Americans and especially minorities are still getting burnt and worse from unprotected sex. And Hip-Hop needs to step up its involvement in community health awareness before rappers have to start doing shows in quarantined city neighborhoods and free health clinics. Your favorite killer disease, AIDS, has come back from the dead to destroy your mind, body and soul.

Advocacy groups say new government estimates will show at least 35 percent more Americans are infected with the AIDS virus each year than the government has been reporting.

Government officials acknowledge they are revising the estimate, which they say is not yet complete.

But advocates are pushing for the government to release the number now. They say that the delay may be partly political, and that it's hurting prevention funding.

SOURCE: ASSOCIATED PRESS/CNN

Sorry to take away from your laughter or light-heartedness while visiting, but I just wanted to send a friendly reminder that STDs are still out chea and still very deadly and contagious. Every time I ride through Birmingham, I see a big-ass downtown billboard (that should be promoting cheeseburgers or real estate or some new movie) saying that syphillis is running rampant through the area. Which means that you literally can't fuck around out there in B'Ham, or anywhere else if you want to be safe.



[I bet Photobucket deletes this image. If so, I'll put another one up by the end of the day. Damn, I hate being censored...]


See, the logic in my mind always told me that condoms are too damn thin to be taken seriously, and they do pop every now and then. This means that even if you tried to protect yourself, there's always a chance that you might end up catching herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, HPV, Hepatitis or even HIV from a one-nighter with some fool you don't know very well. Now, I'm not saying to avoid using condoms; any protection is better than none, but not even a condom can keep you from catching crabs. Those little critters don't need to get past a condom to give you the blues. I consider myself very lucky to have never experienced the crustacean movement.

Seriously, I know it's still summer, and people are still having sensual seductions. And it won't be for another month or so that people will start settling down with a significant boo in time for autumn, which is the most romantic season of the year. But you might want to go ahead and start slowing down now, just to be ahead of the curve.

Don't say I didn't try to told you. And don't act like you're blind to the pandemic. It'll only keep getting worse.

NICOTINE ADDICTION: HARD TO KILL

I'm in my second night of smokeless life.


It's crazy how easy it is to stop inhaling tobacco smoke if you distract yourself with work, exercise and other alternative activities. I'm one of those people who thinks that smoking cigarettes is an oral fixation more than a physical addiction; eff what science says.

I've stopped smoking cigarettes before, for almost two years actually. The only thing that made me start back was a bad incident hundreds of miles away. I was powerless at the time to do anything to stop it, so the only option I felt I had was to smoke some Newports.

Free advice: Don't smoke Newports, especially when you've quit smoking for more than a year. I literally felt a cloud of death overtaking my chest from the inside after the very first pull. It is a feeling I never want to have again, because it was like Satan himself had entered my arteries and lungs, laughing and shouting, "Yes! I've got your little mulatto ass now!" The cigarette did nothing but start my nicotine dependency all over like a bad relationship with a revolving door.





Smoking is a nasty, disgusting, dirty and stinky habit. But when I'm smoking a cigarette, I don't have a problem with that. Especially when I'm drinking and in front of my laptop. But after recently realizing that my strength, endurance and breathing had been badly affected by the constant cheap smoke, I decided to give life another try.

So I'm going on the lam again. Running away from the Parliament Menthol Lights. I'm not missing the nicotine as much as I miss the activity. I guess I'll practice the saxophone, write another blog, fold some clothes, download some music, organize some important files, return some emails... damn. I guess there's a lot to be done. And maybe in a couple of days I might even be able to take my ass to the gym and finally get rid of the lingering baby fat I've carried for 30 years.


If anybody has any other suggestions for a successful end to my seven-year tobacco habit, I'm all ears. Until then, I'm just going to find some shit to do and wait until the itch is gone. Wish me luck.

"SADE" - BACK FROM THE DEAD

You don't know how happy your faithful and humble narrator is right now. My laptop, a.k.a. "Sade", is back from the seventh layer of Dante's Hell, and all credit is due to the Harlem homie Stephen. If you need computer services and have no idea what you're doing, or just put too much shite on your hard drive and get a corrupted Windows file (like I did), CHECK HIM OUT. I'm giddy as a mofo right now. Can't say that enough.


Being confined to a desktop computer for the past two weeks was shitty as hell. But I guess I should be thankful for what I've got, so I won't complain. Now, I'm back at the bar, about to hit the pool table and on beer #3. Life is good; I cherish the day.

Speaking of which...





"I cherish the day... I won't go astray; I won't be afraid. You won't catch me running."
Sade - Cherish the Day

RAP NERDS DON'T DIE - THEY MULTIPLY

CLICK HERE TO READ THE FULL STORY of how The Underwriter, your faithful and humble narrator, took part in a high-definition Hip-Hop discussion with four other pure rap nerds with presidential status in the game.


Shout to Billy X. Sunday, a.k.a. Dallas Penn, of XXL and iNTERTETS CELEBRITIES fame, for hosting a great Hip-Hop debate right chea on my stomping grounds of Cobb County, GA. The homie let me know early that he would be in the ATL this week, so I made a point to get up with him and a few friends at Taco Mac on the East-West Connector (near Six Flags) to discuss such relevant and immediate issues as The Dark Knight, Fonzworth Bentley, Lil' Wayne and of course the only five albums that a person could take on the Mothership. In attendance were Maestro (producer: Lil' Wayne's "3-Peat") and frequent XXL commenter Twerkolater.

It was a great night in Atlanta for rap thought. We consumed drinks, cigarrettes and topics like intellectual cannibals. Nobody was given too much free reign over their opinions, but everybody's words were respected and we all left feeling as if we had fleshed out our own ideas about how the game should be and how things really are today in the world of Hip-Hop culture.


And I was throwed like a horseshoe. I'm surprised DP even remembered any of this fuckery, because he seemed as drunk as I was. Shout to him for staying on point and delivering the story. I went home and crashed like Dale Earnhart (R.I.P.).



Until next time, Chea!






UPDATE:

CLICK HERE FOR MAESTRO'S BLOG


CLICK HERE FOR TWERKOLATER.

REALLY DEAD MCs

Estelle Getty, known to the world as Sophia from the hit television show "The Golden Girls", IS REALLY DEAD.


Ol' girl was the quintessential embodiment of an old lady. She died in real life at 84, but she played an octogenarian on the show for years. I'm sure my Mom will call me today and tell me how sad it is and tell me how that, along with "Cheers" and a few other 80's shows, used to be one of her favorites. You should call your Mom and console her.

But really, ol' girl did her thing. She made big money, got famous and made a character that everyone will remember. Much respect.


Please show your appreciation by singing along with the following video:




Or you can crank that Golden Girl one last time...

MONDAY NIGHT LIVE: EWF @ CHASTAIN PARK

I did absolutely nothing today, because I was OVERTHROWED last night. However, it was for a great reason.

Your homie hit up the Earth Wind and Fire concert at Chastain Park in Buckhead. If you're ever in Atlanta and someone offers you tickets to Chastain, take them. Even if it's a KKK rally. There's no such thing as a bad show at Chastain. Everybody gets slizzard, shares good food and dances and sings. Always a good time, but when EWF is in the building, you know it's going down like Johnny Gill in a bathhouse. Nolo.





Maurice White, the founder of the group, no longer tours with EWF, but Philip Bailey, the guy with the high-high pitched voice, is still holding down the vocals. And when I say holding down, I mean it. Dude went from the low-low register to something in the Mariah zone. Amazing.





The show started at 8:10 PM and ended at 10:00 on the dot. The band went through all the mellow tunes first, then got it supercrunk towards the end with "Let's Groove", "September", "Fantasy" and all the others. For an encore, they came back with "Keep Your Head to the Sky." Great show.




Backstage, I got up with Verdine White and Ralph Johnson. Verdine asked axed me where the weed was. I gave him my business card.

BREAKFAST IS DEAD

I present to you, "Futuristic Brunch."




If you look at the producer credits, you'll see a familiar name. Don't say I don't break bread.

NAS IS A SURVIVOR

See, I’m old school Hip-Hop, but not at all an old head. I can appreciate what the youngins are trying to do with it, but nothing beats some classic lines and lyrics from the rap era when it was all about quality. Cats like me throw out one of my favorite rap lines when having a conversation with BUCKMEISTER FULLER or WHITE JESUS, two of my best homies. Cat like you, I call you a “gladiator.” Word to Killa Cam.


Here are just a few of the lines that I might use at any given moment when dealing with music industry dewshbags. Especially when the time and the wine are right. This time, we’re taking liner notes from the boy Nasir, who’s Nigger Untitled album has a FIRM RELEASE DATE of July 15. I don’t want to cover too much old shit, because the youngin’s can’t relate. But here are a few of my favorite recent quotables from Nasty Nas that I think bear repeating for the true Hip-Hop heads out there. Not counting The Nigger Tape, his most recent mixtape with DJ Green Lantern. I figured I’d give you a reason to even check it out, if you’re really that late on hearing it.


Hell, I might as well help promote something worth listening to. You can ask axe anybody - The Nigger Tape is pretty damn dope, so I expect the new album to be HD. I’m excited. It’s gonna be a hot summer.


“I squeeze nipples like pimples
To get the pus – get it?”


“Nazareth Savage” – Street’s Disciple, disc 1
(That might be a triple entendre right there, if you think hard enough. Nolo.)


“The lane was open and y’all was droppin’ that garbage shit
Y’all got awards for your bricks
It got good to ya
You started tellin’ the bigger dogs to call it quits?!
What?!!”


“Carry on Tradition” – Hip Hop is Dead
(Seems aimed at Dipset; makes sense too)


“Miserable cats, hunger painin’
Get off your ass, stop complainin’!
My crew be in Montego Bay
Macarenin’
Marinatin’ while you home,
Waitin’ your arraignment…

…Certain cats they wanna kill me,
They ice-grill me,
But on the low,
Niggas feel me.”


“You Gotta Love it” – The Lost Tapes
(I love it. Self-explanatory; haters need a life)


“Ma, I’m sorry who the fuck I am
I can’t trust my fans
Out of luck, no constructive plans
My friends stay powdered up
I’m so drunk, can’t stand
You said if I would sober up
I’d be a powerful man.”


“Stillmatic Freestyle” – Unreleased
(This song, over the "Paid in Full" beat, rattled Jay-Z into making “The Takeover”)


“Sometimes I can’t help but feel helpless…
I’m having day-mares in daytime
Wide awake, try to relate…

…Human beings like ghosts and zombies
President Mugabe -
Holdin’ guns to innocent bodies
In Zimbabwe...
They make John Pope seem godly,
Sacrilegious and blasphemous…”


“Road to Zion” – Welcome to Jamrock (Damien Marley)
(Shows you how Hip-Hop actually pays attention to politics and humanitarian crises)


“You can’t revolve me, embalm me
Calm me or harm me
Rob me or dodge these bullets I’m bussin’,
See, that’s malarkey you yappin’
I open up the tri-pod
And put the Gatlin on,
And I start clappin.”


“Hustlers” – Hip-Hop is Dead
(I’m also a fan of The Game. Shit talk can be wildly entertaining when done correctly)


“Puttin old niggas verse the yougin’s
Most of our elders failed us
How can they judge us?”


“Be a Nigger Too” – Untitled
(An ill line on many levels… even my Mom agrees)


Good artists, real Hip-Hop artists, deserve better support, publicity and promotion. This way, they don't have to die first to get the cover of your favorite magazine. Word to Jadakiss.

"You know dead rappers get better promotion."

THE LAST LAUGH

George Carlin, who was a hero to modern comics, IS DEAD. I remember watching him back in the day, and always feeling like I was watching a lecture that you could laugh at. Dirty words sprinkled everywhere. But did I ever laugh out loud? Not really. I always liked Richard Pryor a little bit better, but I can appreciate dry humor, especially when it represents the counterculture and its funny enough to make you think.





PRYOR = G.O.A.T.
CARLIN = S.G.O.A.T.


But there's plenty of time for that debate. For now, may the man rest in peace.