BREAKING NEWS: ZAPP & ROGER ARE DEAD

Look, I respect Kanye West and all, and I respect your musical opinion, dear reader, but this song--"Love Lockdown?" Hell nope.

You might really like this song, but I can't dig it. Ask Axe me about any other song Kanye has produced and/or performed; I'll probably defend it as either great, good or misunderstood. This one is just weird, and seems similar to the news of Palin being picked for VP, not very well planned out and intended for shock value. And Ye's taking a huge risk by having the extremely-overused vocoder voice effect featured so prominently in yet another currently radio-friendly "rap" song. Speaking of which, where's the rap? Eff that, where's the beat?





See... this song is so suspect that 50 Cent, who is pretty much dead in terms of relevancy in the realm of Hip-Hop, can mock it onstage. And sadly, the song is weird enough that 50 just might be able to catapult himself back into relevancy just by calling it out for what it is and getting fans to think he's trustworthy again. To me, Kanye got on some Palin-esque shit with this song, trying to fool the public with something outlandish. The scary thing is that it just might work, judging by the dumbness of the Hip-Hop audience and its readiness to accept anything that a marquis artist puts out with the assistance of the vocoder effect. And trust me, these artists would put out anything if not for true fans who voice honest opinions when it comes to G.O.O.D. Music. N.P.I.

I expect more; I expect better. I expect Hip-Hop. And I'm starting to feel towards Kanye the same thing I felt after Jay-Z put out Kingdom Come--like I'd be defending a guilty party if I said that the product wasn't indeed wack, which it kinda was. As much as I hate to say it, 50 might have a point with his parody of "Love Lockdown", because he's showing us that he's the ultimate stan, willing to challenge the artist he ultimately admires by making a point about quality.

I'm not saying that 50 deserves attention with this bullshit stunt he's pulled. It's just another desperate move among his many other feats of P.R. fuckery, proving that he can't just make a hit record anymore; I'm no dummy. But tell the truth: "Love Lockdown" sucks. And if a brand new artist that wasn't named Kanye West dropped that song, you'd never even consider downloading it for free, much less buying it. Call it whatever you like, just don't call it Kanye's best or even a hit record. "Flashing Lights", on the other hand, was a hit record, in case you forgot, and it didn't even need any hype or Hip-Hop debate to push it further; it was just dope.





All criticism aside, I do think Kanye is the new Quincy Jones, and he will end up furthering Hip-Hop music on the cultural time continuum, regardless of this understandable blip of failure. Hell, even Q has thrown up a recent creative BRICK. At least he waited until he was an O.G. to do what he knew was all about fast $, instead of half-stepping with his talent so comparatively soon when you look at other career successes. Back when he was Ye's age, he was all about keeping it creatively classic instead of safeguarded by standards. In my opinion, Ye went extra left with "Love Lockdown", and it could go down as one of his great, unfinished, undefined masterpieces that sank soon after sailing off the shore, unless the remix is extra wavy. And who's he going to get, other than T-Pain and Lil' Wayne? This one is way too predictable.





Before you try to pull my hater card, just know that I am a fan of Kanye, just as I am a fan of Cam'ron and Senator Barack Obama. All three are bricking something awful right now, and it's hard to cheer when you're alone in the bleachers, waiting for the seemingly extinguished fire to show some sparks of life. But I'm not saying that the next Kanye single won't be fire. I'm just saying that it'd better be, or it's going to be a cold winter.

Kanye, as a fan and a critic, I'll let you call me two-faced if I can call your new song wack as fuck and a half-assed attempt to steal Zapp & Roger's trademark sound, like T-Pain has done, with updated voice technology. Here's a free tip for aspiring artists thinking that "the robot thingy" is the way to recording industry success: If you can't sing, don't. Pardon the harshness, but I've always believed that an artist's biggest fans have the right to be the biggest critics, because they're brutally honest.

DIG THIS: ROLLING STONE'S 25 FUNNIEST WEB VIDS

Rolling Stone just dropped it's "25 Funniest Web Videos" list, and it already stole an hour of my Friday night, because I'm a nerd like that. I won't give it all away, but I had to put this one up again, because in my view this could have easily been #1:




R.S. used a different version, but I think the one ^ was actually much funnier and straight to the point. By the way, this happened in the "D", where it's so cold.

DIG THIS: THE HIP-HOP PING-PONG MOVIE

Ping Pong Playa- Official Trailer - The funniest bloopers are right here

What chu know about that PING PONG PLAYA, playa?

That sounded pretty lame, huh? Not as lame as this movie sounds and appears to be, oh my brothers and sisters. It seems that we as a nation are finally crossing the burning sands of race, religion and even the boundaries of geographic location. Now, Chinese people want to "act black", and it's all good. At least, that's what Hollywood wants you to think.

Ping Pong Playa is a movie that's new to U.S. theaters, starting today in Los Angeles and moving east, in which there's a guy named Christopher Wang, a.k.a. Jimmy Tsai, who is the little brother of a champion ping-pong player. He is supposedly "ghetto", and he hangs with a black dude. And that's about it. Not that I've seen it, but joints like this are usually exactly what you'd expect after seeing the trailer, which we now have already done. Lot's of slang, stereotypes and stupidness for young Ivy League Republikkkan weedheads to see and equate to black culture. That sad part is that some of you might buy it when it's hits DVD. SMH.

DIG THIS: HIP-HOP IS NOT DEAD

This one is for the "Hip-Hop is Dead" crowd. Just watch it; it needs no help from me.

You gotta love how Bucky Garrison, a.k.a. TrapDatAzz, represented for my homestate of Alabama. Classic.

POETIC JUSTICE: WAKING UP THE DEAD

I haven't found an embeddable video of HAIK HOISINGTON & TAALAM ACEY'S "TRUE LIES" POEM, but if you have 2:03 to spare this morning, you really need to click that link. The wordplay and animation combined are ill.


Here's a different poem, same poet, no animation. Still dope.




If you wanted to wake up this morning thinking that everything was right in America, now that the Democrats are about to officially nominate the first African-American major party candidate for POTUS, then don't let me keep you from dreaming. Snooze on, and if you have a vision of euphorian utopias, write it down when the alarm clock goes off. Maybe we can sell your notes as a bedtime story for children.

That was a joke. Seriously - wake your tired ass up and smell the rotting corpse of our free democracy burning through your nasal passages. If we're going to celebrate the death of the true American dream, let's just call this convention what it really is - a "second line" parade. Let's bring out the brass band, do our dances and get it all over with. You know I'm down.


However, if we intend instead to resurrect our democracy and bring America back from George Bush's hell, we've got more work to do than partying in Denver. So let's not get carried away with all the hype. Feel the momentum, breathe in the fresh air and get ready to buckle down. The Republickins are going to do anything and everything to keep a Democrat out of office. If necessary, we're going to have to fight back.

If, by chance, you were already awake, here's another dose of black coffee. Oh, if only "if" was a spliff...


There's nothing wrong with a pep rally, as long as you win the game afterwards.
- The Underwriter
(hell yeah, I quote myself when I say fresh lines like that)

THE DEADEST MC ALIVE

You probably think I'm somewhat crazy for using this whole "dead" concept as a means to creatively explore world topics, news and Hip-Hop, but I didn't start this trend; neither did Nas. The precedent was set in the south, but not in my home state of Alabama or my current Georgia home. When it comes to writing about dead shit, nobody beats Brad Jordan.

The legendary Mr. Scarface of Houston's Geto Boys is the original grim reaper of Hip-Hop. And I have a few YouTubes to prove my point.


SCARFACE: "I'm Dead"


This concept was ill and kind of funny at the same time.


SCARFACE: "I Seen a Man Die"


"I still gotta wonder why..." Always liked this one.


SCARFACE: "He's Dead"


More morbid music. Not a personal favorite, but it counts.


SCARFACE: "A Minute to Pray and a Second to Die"


Dude looks extra young in this clip. Damn, how many years has Scarface been in the game again?


SCARFACE: "Dying With Your Boots On"


There's enough cursing in this song to start a fire out of thin air. Damn!!


SCARFACE: "Hand of the Dead Body"


"Gangstas don't live that loooonnnng!"


Pay your respects. This dude is like the Crypt Keeper of rap.

DIG THIS

I just found an article on a blog called THE AFTER PARTY titled, "Hip-HopChivalry is Dead."

Wow. A blog after my own heart. Actually, The After Party has been around since December 2005, so I'm obviously late as hell. But I'm adding them to my blogroll, so everything is now right in the world.


Check out a snippet:

Yesterday I made a comment over on VSB about how it’s not trickin’ if you have it. I initially wrote it as a joke. A few minutes later, I thought about it. I do not trip when I have to spend money. I take pause and give thanks that I can afford to spend. This doesn’t mean I’m out medium pimpin’ buying things full price…Full price is for suckers. Like I said before when I wrote it first it was a joke. I even made reference to rappers.

On my long ride home I heard the line again in a rap song. I have NEVER heard a man who can afford nice things for himself AND a mate complain about spending money. I want to focus specifically on dating. The topic on VSB was about bitter men. Men who brag about not being chivalrous. The example that was tossed around was how some men refuse to pay for dates or even refuse to plan inexpensive thoughtful dates. Someone over there mentioned six chicken wings. Not a thoughtful date.

Click that link above to read the entire post. I'm off to the Bun-B show, hoe.

"PINEAPPLE EXPRESS" - The Autopsy

Saw it last night with my Bahamian homie Ahmahl and my white girl connect Ponton. We got properly zooted while the previews played and rushed in to find seats at the beginning of the movie. The plot of Pineapple Express is pretty simple. It's a weed film. The star and co-writer of the film, Seth Rogen, makes a purchase of "Pineapple Express", a rare strain of cannabis which, in all likelyhood, PROBABLY EXISTS IN REAL LIFE as a result of the tropical climate and transcontinental winds that pass through Hawaii and Canada. And you already know that islanders and Canadians get extremely zooted like every day.





Dale, the main character played by Rogen, witnesses a murder, and he and his weed dealer, played by James Franco, are being stalked by the local weed kingpin and his corrupt cop girlfriend. Strange fuckery ensues.

The movie is pretty classic, and the dialogue is hilarious, full of half-baked ideas and half-cocked concepts. A very funny detail is that their marijuana-induced paranoia actually saves them from being killed immediately after the main character sees the murder and flees the scene of the crime. Like Rogen's first runaway hit, Superbad, this movie has some very wild parts (selling weed to high school students?), but actually comes across as a morality tale of sorts. Lots of subject matter, including love, marriage, friendship, responsibility and loyalty are displayed in the two-hour timespan of Pineapple Express, and since my buzz was strong enough to last the whole duration, I was pleasantly happy.





There is a lot of nolo-esque stuff going on towards the end, but besides that I can't really complain. If you have friends, roll up a couple and have a smoker's night out (no cigarettes!). If you don't, look for Pineapple Express on the net, or just wait for On Demand or Netflix or whatever. As a stoner film, it makes more sense to catch this one on DVD, just because you'll have the ability to munch out as much as you want without having to deal with movie theater prices, and the movie is definitely a collector's item. But if you have some friends who are down, it's definitely a good idea to watch it on the big screen after putting a stick or two in the wind. Good times.