THIS WEEK'S OBITUARIES

You already know what time it is.



CAREER-DEAD MCs
Kwame Kilpatrick.

I know you can't die twice, but today it became official. With the loss of his law license, a 4-months sentence and a 7-figure fine, it's safe to say that the saga of the "Hip-Hop Mayor" is finally done. The "D" just got a little less cold.




LEGALLY-DEAD MCs
Kenneth Smith.

I don't have a photo of this guy, but according to THE SMOKING GUN, Kenneth Smith was arrested on September 3 for wearing baggy pants. The legal charge is "exposure of undergarment in public." He is a first offender, so under the law in Florida, where he was charged, he faces a $150 charge. If caught three times, he could be sent to jail for thirty days. America hates Hip-Hop.




REALLY DEAD MCs
Don LaFontaine.

In a world where you can make your own career path, enjoy notoriety without having to show your face and reap great financial benefits, Don L. was the king. He died on Tuesday from complications from pneumothorax, which is a collapsed lung that causes air to build in the pleural cavity. Whatever that means. But hey, he was a microphone fiend, and his voice is famous as hell. That's Hip-Hop.




HISTORICALLY-DEAD MCs
Mother Teresa.

The Queen Mother of spiritual pursuits left us on this day, September 5, 1997. Though there have been recent reports that she QUESTIONED HER BELIEF IN GOD, she is still widely remembered as something like a living saint while she existed among the living. Even in death, she remains highly influential and a beacon of hope for those who believe in the power of love over the love of power.




Life is a celebration. Enjoy ever minute. Tomorrow is promised to none of us, so accomplish something great today so that we will still be talking about you tomorrow.

C'entanni!

REALLY DEAD MCs

Tiny Dancer, the famous Chihuahua known as the world's smallest therapy dog, IS REALLY DEAD. The little guy was 5 inches tall and weighed 18 ounces. Awww...


It has been rumored that there is a bidding war going on between Rocawear, Sean John, Michael Vick and China for Tiny's carcass. Diddy and Jay-Z both want to skin him to make those winter coats with the fur lining on the hood. Michael Vick is craving some teriyaki dog jerky behind bars. And guess where they make that? China.






I mean, just look at Tiny Dancer's coat. That stuff could go for $200 a square millimeter in Macy's right now, just as they start rolling out the winter fashions. Sheeit, you might could even make an elegant hair extension out of that fuzz.

R.I.P. Tiny Dancer. You spread happiness to so many people. I hope that your afterlife your owner keeps your body out of the hands of carnivores and fur aficionados.

TIGHT JEANS KILLED HIP-HOP

I'm not even going to type too much on this one. It seems that the backlash against tight jeans is now a full-blown movement. But here, for your viewing pleasure or disgust are a few YouTubes of the current state of fashion affairs in Hip-Hop.

All I can say to this is Nolo.











One thing I will say: it's funny how Jim Jones (Dipset/Byrdgang) is DISSING KANYE WEST about what he considers the ultimate Hip-Hop fashion faux pas, yet HE WAS CALLED OUT BY TRU LIFE not long ago. Misdirection, I guess. Hey, whatever works.



Shout out to THE VILLAGE VOICE for investigating this hood tragedy. America, it's time for a (wardrobe) change.