"SENATOR" ROLAND BURRIS IS DEAD

EDITOR'S NOTE: Look, I don't need no Secret Service problems. That title isn't to be taken literally, so don't get all tight about it and start goon monitoring me from Langley at the secret underworld headquarters of the National Obituary Desk. The concept here is political death, not physical. So leave me the hell alone. I shouldn't even have to say that, but there that go.



Man, I called it. And I'm still calling it now, even though it probably won't be announced until Sunday or Monday. Senator Roland Burris will vacate his Illinois senate seat, and unless he's a complete boob, he'll do it sooner rather than later. That's money.

See, this guy should have known that this was a bad idea all along. You already saw WHAT HAPPENED TO JESSE JR., when he tried his political hand at Obama's former spot, and found out that not every black politician is Barack Obama. Hell, not many white ones (or Jindals) are either, for that matter, so don't get too gassed about your chances. Those are some big shoes to fill, oh my brothers and sisters.

Now that he SOMEHOW GOT IN, he's the loneliest black guy in the Senate chamber, even without the ethical cloud that is raining poop water on his head. Taking the offer (or should I say "deal"?) from former IL governor Blago was stupid in itself - can we say instant self-ether? The smart move would have been to stay out of the line of fire, until the man with the target on his dome was exterminated by the political media's firing squad. Blago was already alluding to his complete coolness with taking others down with him. Some of those statements he made on his TV award tour, prior to his impeachment, had some slick undertones; it sounded to me as if he was quietly saying, "Look, this is how politics is. You pay to play. Now, don't make me have to get Nino in the courtroom on y'all. You know you got money in the freezer too, fool!"





The Democrats have been trying to keep a clean house recently, especially now that they're too busy running the government to expose gay Repubs anymore. But all that means is that the G.O.P(enis) is looking for some retribution rape, now that they're all the way uncovered as racist homosexual morons. You see they got rid of THIS GUY, and THAT GUY, so they're obviously not trying to wait on anybody to slip up, now that they're 1 seat away (Franken's gonna win) from a filibuster-proof Senate vote. That makes Burris the new problem.


I've got to admit that I was disappointed in Congressman Bobby Rush's "lynch" language, at that early press conference when Burris was just named by Blago as Obama's scab. Was it really necessary to bring race into the whole affair? If a black guy was the last person to hold the job, with outstanding performance, how can you assume that the next black guy won't get a fair chance at it -- unless you think that there's some secret issue that could ruin the whole orgy, like 1 person in the group had crabs and didn't bother to inform everyone else. But if you already know how everybody in the clusterfuck of Illinois politics gets down, then you should already know what's up, and you shouldn't show up anyway, now should you? Don't tarnish your gallant reputation by getting in bed with freaks.

Now, Rush, our proud former Black Panther, is sitting his ass down, and Burris having the marble toilet he had mounted blown up from underneath his balls, on some Lethal Weapon 2 ish. And Blago was doing a good Sgt. Riggs imitation, except he didn't stay around long enough to pull Burris's ass away from the explosion, or just to give some spirit-boosting encouragement, like "Guy's like you don't die on toilets."





White House Press Secretary and Obama weed mule Robert Gibbs said with nuanced subtlety on Friday that Burris ought to STEP THE FUCK OFF. The new Governor of Illinois, Pat Quinn, made his position clear by saying that Burris is a WACK MC that should be tossed off stage by the draws. Plus, one of Burris's senate aides told him HE PLAYED HIMSELF, and went back to his former position as the Tony Yayo of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's G-Unit.

So now, "Senator" Roland Burris is looking like Rick Ross. If I were him, I'd pack my bags, steal as much Senate stationery as I could get my hands on, and run back to the lab to record a new political mixtape about his experiences. I might even download it for free.

WHY OBAMA'S NOT GOING TO GET MURKED

Here's a little reassurance for you skeptics out there. I know, I know; you're still struck with those dag-blasted heebie-jeebies about tomorrow, even though you keep hearing about all that security and the precautions taken to ensure a safe and happy inauguration.

Fear not; it appears that the last thing anybody wants is a problem with the super-official Obama entourage. In case you were unaware, this is how President #44 is rolling out in these skreets. Now ask axe yourself; do you want beef? This dude has the pimp game on clack-clack!!! See for yourself below:





But nah... go right ahead. See what your foolishness and unprepared mind will get you in 2009. My advice? Chiiiiiilllllll.....

REPRESENTATION WITHOUT TAXATION IS DEAD

First of all, the governor of Illinois looks like an aging porn star. That mop he's wearing is too suspect for words. But if he intended to upgrade to the JOHN EDWARDS HAIRCUT price range, he should have figured out a better and more realistic way to earn the chee$e he needed to pay the bill, instead of charging others to play the political game and getting recorded over a federal wiretap. What a dumbass. But alas, you already know that politicians are not smart. And if you haven't already seen the video of Patrick Fitzgerald, the same U.S. Attorney that brought down Scooter Libby in the C.I.A. leak investigation, then check out this YouTube of Pat reading aloud the alleged words of Governor Rod Blagojevich, which I guess were recorded and transcripted. As you can tell, "bleep" is the new "fuck."




In other political news related to Hip-Hop, CNN.com ran A STORY ON COMMON, Chicago's original native son, and how he believes that Obama will change Hip-Hop for the positive. I have to say that the homie is 100% on point. It's going to be awfully hard to rap about selling drugs, pimping hoes and gang life when the POTUS is a black Harvard Law graduate and has an extremely intelligent wife and two beautiful daughters. Mark my words; it won't be long until Obama has to rebuke some dumb rapper for saying something sexist or crime-related in the same rhyme that he celebrates having a black prez. If Obama will turn his back on a corrupt white dude with whom he had political history, he will certainly throw a cold elbow to Shawty Lo or Gucci Mane or one of those other cats. Shouldn't matter much to them; they can still hurry up and make an Obama song while the frenzy still hasn't peaked. Obama ringtone, anyone?



Everybody is making money off Obama right now, or at least trying. Even my sweet old grandmother fell for the PAINTED OBAMA COIN commercial and paid $29.99 by credit card for a set for your faithful and humble narrator. God bless America. Obama might just sell us out of this recession. The question is, does Obama own his own name, or does it now belong to the American public? Who's really getting taxed, oh my brothers and sisters?



Cash rules everything around me.

FLOWERS FOR SHAKE, TOOT AND JENNIFER

[Listening to Viva La Hova, the new mash-up of Jay-Z and Coldplay, trying to stay in a positive mood for the greatest day ever. GET LIKE ME.]


Out of all times to pass away, I believe that those who have either lost or will lose their lives before Wednesday of this week are victims of cruel, tragic timing. Appropriately and respectively, I'll begin with my thoughts on the unthinkable Hudson family incident, because the funeral was held this morning and you're probably already tired of hearing about it. I don't know if I'm more afraid of the fact that a human being could do something so ugly, so publicly, or if this is the new normal.





Times like these, when real people die from real bullets--especially when said real people are innocents--make it difficult to listen to some of my favorite gangter rap songs because the lyrics come a little too close to reality for comfort in this case. For what it's worth, I don't blame Hip-Hop or rap, or drugs or guns for what happened to Jennifer Hudson's family. I blame the lack of intelligent minds in abundance. But our world culture has to change quickly if we're going to stop thinking about doing crazy shit like this, much less making rap songs about it. We've got to adjust right now, especially with this first chance in history to truly change the world. While we're at it, there are a few people who deserve recognition and respect, who gave it all they had but somehow did not reach today like you and I.

To begin, I'll be honest and say that I'm completely flattened by the apparent suicide of Shakir Stewart, the Executive Vice President of Def Jam Music Group, who I've known personally for 11 years. I met pretty much everybody who was ever in a position to cut a respectable check in Atlanta back when the music business was really booming, like around the mid-90's, when I started interning for So So Def. I always liked to believe that Shakir was just lucky enough to beat me by three years to Atlanta because he was blessed with perfect timing, but the truth is that he was made for the job he was given, therefore he excelled. He was the deadly combination of an intelligent hustler who was somehow always a few steps ahead. One thing I remember him saying a lot is "Work hard; play hard." My thoughts are now with his family, the rest of his friends, family and co-workers from the LaFace/HITCO days, and especially L.A. Reid--he pretty much hand-picked Shakir to be his successor in the game, and now he's gone before fully reaching his potential, which was still probably two years away. I absolutely believe that Shake would have signed the next artist to sell 10-million albums. Seriously, I don't hate or fear death, but I hate this. And that's all I have to say about that.





And by now, we all have heard about Senator Barack Obama's grandmother, Madelyn Payne Dunham, a.k.a. "Toot", who unfortunately left life behind for a higher existence, just hours before her grandson would be chosen by the people to lead the nation and become the most powerful man in the world. Not much more to say except "I'm sorry," which isn't enough or even appropriate, since I have nothing to do with it.





None of these stories are more tragic than the next, and none are to be forgotten. All serve to show that it is always darkest before the dawn, and things will always worsen before they change for the better. To you and yours, I offer my best hopes for a peaceful day and a glorious Wednesday morning, when we will together see the dawn of a bright new day while remembering to take an extra moment to remember those who we wished could stand with us as we celebrate the arrival of the future.


VIVA LA VIDA.

DEBATE IS DEAD

There are not many things that could get me to change my preference in the upcoming presidential election, oh my brothers and sisters. As I said in a column earlier this year, Senator Barack Obama would have to get caught naked with either a dead girl or a live boy to stop me from voting for him. Tonight, he has a town-hall style debate in the city where I was born—Nashville, Tenn.—with Senator John McCain over who should be The Man with the master plan for 2009-2012 and beyond. I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow with the only commentary that you need to read. Until then, happy viewing.

Free advice: Whatever you do, don’t listen to any Republikkkan spin after the debate is over. Turn the channel if you have to—MSNBC will keep it trillie—but don’t let right wing nuts make up your mind for you.

It’s Yours!

STRATEGY IS DEAD

There's a lot of talk today about this whole debate debacle, as Governor Sarah Palin faces the world in a test of preparedness against Senator Joseph Biden of Delaware.

No one expects Biden to "lose" this debate, which is highly dangerous for him and why you might have noticed both political parties playing down expectations. The wisdom is that if you handicap your player and publicly predict a low performance, even alluding to the possibility of a loss, you will easily come out on top without having to exert very much energy or intellect.

Everyone—even Palin—knows that Biden is the better, smarter and more qualified candidate. But no one knows how bad Palin will be against him. There are many risks, which include a PR nightmare scenario for Biden: he could forcefully prove that he is better, smarter and more qualified, thus causing a sense of resentment. Nobody likes a know-it-all, and everybody loves the underdog. America is huge on victims and charity.

So if Biden engages Palin, he runs the risk of looking like a father, which would also immediately transform him into an old, chauvinist misogynist by default. "Who does Joe Biden think he is, dismissing a woman so fervently?" I can already see Elizabeth's lips flapping tomorrow morning on The View, and it's not at all as if I plan on watching The View.



You can see what type of dilemma that Biden is in, and how millions of Republikkkan lackeys, flunkies and surrogates are prepared to spin this into a victory for Palin no matter how badly she fails tonight. So there's only one way that Biden can soundly rout Palin in their one and only VEEP debate:

He's got to surrender.

Yes; the senator must hold back his mental arsenal of foreign policy, economics, law, social issues, education, energy and anything else he knows that would warrant an answer to any of Gwen Ifill's questions longer than two sentences. We already know that the campaign of Senator John McCain is trying to DISCREDIT Ifill because she has written a book called Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama. If it is perceived that she is tossing journalistic "softballs" at Biden, it will appear as if GOP commentators were correct in assuming that she was already in pocket as an Obama loyalist and supporter. If he answers a question exceptionally well, Republikkkans will yell that the fix is in. Sheesh… at least McCain finally came out and admitted that Ifill, highly respected as an objective political journalist, will probably do a great job, as always.



On the other hand, if he decides to limit his answers, it will put pressure on Palin to best him. If she rambles, she will slip. If she keeps her answers similarly short, she will look like she's following Biden's lead because she is incompetent and has no answers. If she answers them correctly and blows everyone away with her understanding of the issues, she will still be less qualified as Biden, because no one with an I.Q. over 60 could possibly believe that he is not ready to step in at a moment's notice.

Biden will win regardless, but public relations can be a bitch to control, and you'd better believe that those wacky, Kool-Aid drinking Republikkkans are already preparing their victory statements for the morning news shows. Palin is a nincompoop, and it doesn't take an intellectual bombardment from Biden to expose this. Allow her to be the cause of her own political death, and she will most certainly euthanize herself on the public stage, proving to everyone that she never belonged behind that podium in the first place.

The best strategy is a non-strategy. If Biden follows my advice, I guarantee that he will have slayed the "LEVIATHAN OF FORENSICS" without having to raise his voice. And you can bet that if Biden walks away clean, the conservatives who were once all too giddy with the pretty lady from Alaska will attack her themselves, or simply decide as early as tomorrow that they cannot support the GOP ticket in November.

BIPARTISANSHIP IS DEAD

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

MODESTY IS DEAD: THE OBAMA CRUSADE CONTINUES

Pass the high-class mustard, oh my brothers and sisters. It has been announced that Senator John McCain, who believes that you aren't rich until you have $5 million, IS THE NUMBER 1 STUNNA WHEN IT COMES TO CARS.

Man, it's gotta be nice to be a Republikkkan. You know, once you sign your soul over to Satan, that your whip game will forever be proper. Not only that, but you probably get to drink Arnold Palmers after matches at your exclusive tennis club, while soaking in the steam down in the bathhouse sauna with the other good ol' boys, as you enjoy cigars and political opinions like your own. And after you've made it clear that you're of the same Confederate mind as your contemporaries, you hit the showers, change into an extra-crispy JoS. A. Banks outfit and head over to the pub for a pre-paid meal and a couple of Manhattans before you climb behind the wheel of one of your luxury automobiles - whichever one you drove that day.





Republikkkans have no idea that there's a recession going on. Not that they aren't hearing and seeing all the evidence for themselves, but they can't really be expected to believe that their favorite son, who is currently in charge, let this happen on his watch. Therefore, it didn't happen--that's how the GOP deals with today's economic climate. There is no recession, there is no stock market crisis and there is no problem in the housing sector. The fundamentals of our economy are strong, as long as they can't feel any difference in lifestyle.





I'm still astounded that McCain has managed to fool so many people. He's a member of the party that controls the White House, and while the Senate and House have technical Democratic majorities, neither house of Congress can make anything stick that Bush doesn't like, since all he has to do is push the Veto button. Without a true majority, there's no possilibity of a filibuster. But somehow, someway, people think that the Democrats are responsible for congressional failures. What they don't realize is that without that Democratic majority, things would be way worse. We should be glad they're in those seats, instead of complaining about what they haven't done yet. The Democrats holding down their elected positions are keeping McCain from buying 10 more cars while instituting the type of change that is contrary to what the men who wrote the U.S. Constitution intended. Sure, he supports alternative fuel choices for cars, but he lets his daughter buy a foreign whip?




The only change you can expect from him would be a final stake in the heart of womens' and civil rights, as he ultimately stacks another two right-wingers on top of the Supreme Court. You want to talk about change? What if McCain rolls up to the Capitol in a Rolls-Royce for his first State of the Union address and says the following:

Dear Bitches:

You are no longer free. We are now in the first phase of "Country First", my new plan of action as President. Your government now has the exclusive right to make decisions regarding your body. But congratulations; you now have the irrevocable right to life! Nobody but us, your government, can take that away from you! By the way, we might call for a draft; you know, we still do have that 100-year war that we're going to fight against, uh... Asia? Venezuela? Was it... Africa? Oh yeah, Iran!! Whatever, wherever... When we call for you to die for your country, we expect you to exercise your right to... um... choose? Wait, scratch that last thing I said. Let's just keep it real: either you fight for us when we say or you get the electric chair. And I got five friends in black robes that say I'm the man, so I bet you won't trip.

That's all for now, but don't forget to come through next weekend for the 1st Annual Johnny Mac Car & Bike Show, featuring Cindy and Sarah's wet t-shirt competition, a free Mexican buffet and a live reggaeton/kickboxing performance by Daddy Yankee and Chuck Norris! We changed the game on these hoes!!

Oh, by the way, Senator Barack Obama has one car: a Ford Escape hybrid. American made and forward-thinking on energy and oil. Change we can see, starting at the top of the ticket.




The better question might be, what the hell does McCain need 13 cars for, anyway? When's the last time he took a driver's exam? I sure as hell don't want him driving ahead, behind or onside of my car; you know how those geezers drive. After he loses the election, I can only think of one type of car he needs to be driving. And yes, it's made for retirement.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE BOUNCES BACK FROM THE DEAD

[You've gotta agree: This dude is an orator of the highest order. When he shines, it's brilliant.]


TODAY:


After a horrible post-GOP performance, it seems that the dust is finally setting and Senator John McCain is going back to his position in the race, which is, of course, loser. THOSE GOOD OLD POLLS are swinging back towards the Democratic ticket. Most likely, if I had to guess, I'd say that dangling Governor Palin around for the female vote is finally starting to look like political prostitution, and McCain's bravado is slowly starting to smell like bullshit.

To say that I'm happy that Senator Barack Obama got his _____ back would not be sufficient. I was seriously starting to doubt the wisdom behind his campaign, because there is no excuse, even when playing it safely out of the way when the other team does something stupid, for a person running for POTUS to let his gloves down before the championship belt is secured, or you can get KTFO by a random right cross.

If you truly deserve something, and you know it, you'll fight for it if necessary. And I was always told that once you've been hit, you have the right to defend yourself. You can choose not to return fire--again, a personal choice--but until you respond forcefully or at least defend yourself, you are liable to be assaulted over and over until you just give up and walk away from the fight, embarassed and still being kicked and beaten as you stroll home to hide your face for a week or two.

Who wants that? Especially when the two fighers are horribly mismatched and there's no way that McCain could beat Obama at a debate? I'm not saying that Obama was quitting or giving up before this week, but it was becoming extremely disheartening to watch a champion seemingly throw the fight, especially when everyone knows that he can win, and it actually is possible, if he really, really, really wants it bad enough to go for it with everything in the bank.





I don't want to face November 5 without knowing that on this day and for the rest of the campaign, whether I cover it daily on this blog or not, I did what I thought was right and spoke what needed to be said. And if McCain wins by a landslide, I won't say anything. I won't protest and I won't whine. I'll keep working like I am today, because a McCain presidency would be no different from the current one.

But if it's close, and McCain wins by one of those Bush #43 margins, I'm going to be superpissed at Senator Obama, the Democratic Party and America, but I'll still get over it and I'll probably be content with writing my first magnum opus, depositing the check and comfortably fading into suburban life. Doesn't sound bad, huh?





Of course it does, when you consider that I could be getting ready to do the type of work that people do when they care about where they're going in life or what type of fuckery will happen to them if they sit on their asses and play satisfied. I hate just throwing out random Che Guevara information, because people don't even know why he was so influential. The guy actually worked, as in performed physical duties alongside the average Cuban men and women, at least one day a week, setting a precedent for others to join him in national service. Sure, it was kind of mandatory in a communist state, but leading by example is always better than leading by microphone, book or blog.





I'd rather be inspired by my POTUS to doing something important so that my kids, whenever they appear, don't inherit a world as dicked as the one I own today. McCain is not about to get his ass out in the community to do anything other than speak or kiss babies. Obama has already been in the field, where they say it's real. I want him to win, because it's going to take more than just his speeches to lead the country into rebuilding, redeveloping and reinventing ourselves on the world stage. It's going to take all of us, and I don't see John McCain making a significant number of people move, especially when he can barely lift his arms. Honestly, I say that with no disrespect intended, but the truth is just that fonky, oh my brothers and sisters.





So really, who cares if Obama is black, or not white, or neither and both at once? Do you really--seriously--want a strange ass woman and this septuagenarian to win, when they proclaim to be the embodiment of everything for which the GOP currently stands? How can things change if Bush isn't even interested in helping his former rival by showing a little more interest? That's how I know McCain won't win, because it's not even being properly setup. All signals point to change, and that's not a Republikkkan term, no matter how they try to steal it.

Enough for now. Gotta read a few chapters of the book and get some rest. Tomorrow, let's talk about this nasty BIDEN/CLINTON EXCHANGE RUMOR that I keep hearing, shall we? Personally, I don't buy it, but I do expect an October Surprise of some type.

Anyway, we'll deal with that bridge to nowhere when we cross it.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: RESURRECTED?

Thank GOD! I was seriously - seriously - starting to get concerned, because this type of strategic attack took too long to happen, and it can't take this long again if Senator Barack Obama intends to win. But he did spit a classic line, and even if it wasn't a freestyle, it was certainly a Hip-Hop quotable:

“If you think those lobbyists are working day and night for John McCain just to put themselves out of business, well I’ve got a bridge to sell you up in Alaska.”

SOURCE: CNN

Get it? And if so, can I now start getting excited again about this campaign? Will we see more tenacious D from the Democrat from Illinois on the path to winning back The White House? Should I get crunk about the upcoming presidential debate next Friday?

Let's see what develops...

T.O.C: BALLING IS DEAD

It finally started to appear today that the Democratic nominee and his running mate are ready to take the fight to the GOP, courtesy of the average American citizen. Why? Because Wall Street suffered a stroke yesterday, and has been hemmoraging uncontrollably ever since the bleeding began. Just the truth--the economy is completely dicked.


A.I.G., Countrywide, IndyMac, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and the list goes on... All of the banks who fell for the housing bubble fiasco and tied their anchors to the sub-prime Titanic have either crashed or fallen to government control. The government is having to bail these companies out of bankruptcy in order to avoid the alternative, which could very well be a total stock market meltdown. At the same time, oil refineries were barely touched during Hurricane Ike, but the oil barons are still allowing gas prices to remain unreasonably high right now because profits are sweet. Even as prices per barrel are falling, gas prices at the pump are not. Winter is coming, energy supplies are low and houses are now being repossessed like cars, as more and more people default on mortgage payments. And the economy lost 80k jobs in August.

It simply makes no sense how crazy everything is, yet we're seriously entertaining the debate on whether or not a Republikkkan belongs in the White House again.


Here's what Senator John McCain has said all year about the U.S. economy:




Here's Senator Barack Obama's speech today from Golden, CO:



And here's what his running mate said:




I'm not saying that Obama has all the answers, but he certainly seems to be ready to deal with the problem more aggressively. It's good to see that the guy is finding his formula as it relates to the message of his campaign. I won't lie; that "hope" and "change" rhetoric was starting to sound more like a pep rally speech than a plan. Specifics on issues are always a good idea. It is wack that it takes such odious national conditions to get people to see that there is a clear cut difference between the Democratic and GOP tickets.

I'm voting Obama-Biden because I don't want to live in a welfare state.

T.O.C. # 49 - Man Up, Obama!!

TODAY:

I'm just getting back into Atlanta and I haven't had much time to stop and write a blog between other commitments, but that's not the whole reason why I haven't been at it recently. I didn't feel like writing anything about Senator Barack Obama for the last few days, because this fool needs to get tougher, like immediately. The only way that the self-imposed cease-fire he's been observing since the DNC would make any sense to me is if he comes out tomorrow and says that it was all in respect to September 11, 2001.

"Dear America: Today, September 12th, is a new day. It's a day after the tragic day seven years ago, when we lost thousands of lives to a terrorist attack that never had to happen, if our president would have only taken the counsel of his security advisors to heart and mind. Unfortunately, he did not. Well, we're a lucky seven years past that tragic date that began the decline of our American way of life under Republikkkan rule, and I can say - without fear - that it's truly a new day in America--one that must begin with me saying that Senator John McCain is a liar and psychologically damaged war hawk who would let a person with the sketchiest resume in VP candidate history be next in line to run the country if he keels over in the Oval Office. Which is very possible. Eff that! This is my country! I'M going to win and I refuse to lose! Hoe!!"



[Obama needs me as a speechwriter. I'd rule.]


Unfortunately, as of right now, he's lacking that "uumph" that you need as a POTUS candidate, that is, if you plan on being the person with the codes to the "nuclear football." And right now, I'm not feeling the energy. And I'm pissed that the Republikkkans seem to believe that they have the momentum, because nobody's getting tough with them. I'm having nightmares of Michael Dukakis. Is my mind playin' tricks on me?



[The 1st Democrat to ever be "Bushwacked"]


They've stolen the "change" theme, they've lied about everything they could speak about in the last two weeks, and they've been on a constant mode of attack ever since they got 39 million morons to watch their convention--as if anyone needed to hear what they've got planned for the next 4-to-8 years. To me, it seemed like the whole O.J. Simpson book idea, where he says that he didn't kill Nicole but tells you how he would have done it. Again, I didn't watch any of the GOP's 4-day infomercial, so I have no idea how they got so many people so geeked up about their bullshite. All I know is that shite is pretty bad if Matt Damon is the realest man alive for this week, thus far. He summed up his idea of a McCain-Palin administration with the following condemning statement.





For now, the candidate I support needs to start returning fire like Matt Damon. A friend of mine made a great point the other day: if this were Hillary that were being attacked, she'd throw shots right back. I'm not saying that it's right or it belongs in politics, but it wins. And at this point, I'm more concerned with actually winning the White House than being classy and graceful during the campaign. There's way too much riding on this election for a candidate to play the MLK card and just let himself be stoned, beaten and shot down from his rightful place in history. No disrespect to the King. And no, the "controversial" statement below does not count...





Because he's really just biting something that McCain already said about Senator Hillary Clinton. There's nothing new about the "lipstick on a pig" diss in Republikkkan freestyle ciphers. It's like somebody using the incredibly overused rhyme scheme of gangster rap: "Bitches, hittin' these switches, snitches in ditches, clocking these riches." We've heard it before, so the thrill is gone. It's never as good as the first time, Barack. You can't be biting styles on the national stage...





Anyway, like I said, I need to see a fight, or I'm going to start feeling weird. And I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

T.O.C. #43: THUG MOTIVATION

Young Jeezy's album dropped this week. I haven't reviewed it, because I've only heard half. But the half I heard was great. I will say that I'm very happy that the Corporate Thug publicly announced that we was registering to vote for the first time in his life (he's 31) and HELD A VOTER REGISTRATION DRIVE at Justin's this past Thursday. I'm usually half and half on Jeezy when it comes to albums, depending what day of the week we're talking about, but with album that Hits Magazine is projecting will sell 250k units before next Tuesday and his own steady but calm support for Senator Barack Obama, I have to say that Jeezy definitely earned another 12 months in the limelight.




A key thing that I would remind any supporters of Obama right now is that none of the nonsense matters. All that matters is that people vote for him on November 4th. And in order to do that, people must register to vote by the first week in October. If you are not registered, you have 30 days. HERE'S A LINK TO FIND OUT MORE INFORMATION. Pass it on.


Oh, and if you're starting to worry about Palin, maybe you shouldn't have watched her speech, I guess. I'm over it like I was never under it - the spell, that is. The sooner that the rest of us stop talking about her, the more they're going to have to come up with something real for her to say. Right now, their running off hype, and it'll continue as long as people gossip, which means she could ride a wave of distraction straight into the White House. And we'll all be looking stupid as hell for letting them get away with it.

Therefore, unless she makes any real statement that has to do with keeping the actual citizens of country from being any worse off economically, I have no interest in covering or speaking about her. Remember, this race is not about her, anyway. Besides, this is the first of many fights for which Senator Joe Biden was hired. That, of course, does not mean I won't shoot an occasional jab at the Republikkkan ticket as a whole; I just don't see a reason to give her attention when the issues are much bigger than her and her family.

More good energy for you is at the bottom. Take it and run with it to your nearest voter registration office or website. And don't let anything keep you from having your name on the roster if you're legally able to cast a ballot. We've only got one turn to get this right.

T.O.C. # 42: HATE ON ME, HATER

TODAY:


Senator Barack Obama announced that he has raised $10 million since Governor Sarah Palin's speech at the GOP Death Festival yesterday, from approximately 130k+ donors. Yes, that's in less than one day.

The Republican National Committee announced earlier Thursday, at mid-afternoon, that it had raised well in excess of $1 million since Palin's speech. Republicans expect Palin to mobilize their donors. But the Obama camp promptly used the speech as a fundraising hook, sending an overnight e-mail to supporters to contribute.

McCain can no longer raise private donations for his campaign because he has decided to accept $85 million in public financing for the fall campaign.

SOURCE: SALON

And he finally made a comment about Palin that acknowledges that she is alive.




It's good to see the senator staying busy through this nonsense. I'm getting back to my book. If anyone sees anything interesting or worth mentioning at the RNC, drop a comment in the box. But again, I advise you to ignore this brainwashing craziness. Overstand that mental poison is even worse than drugs. Word to Nas.

How about some Jill Scott instead?

PRIDE, DIGNITY, SELF-RESPECT - THEY'RE ALL DEAD

Warning. This shit is sad. You've been warned.

So I was riding along I-20 yesterday afternoon on my way back from Birmingham, taking in my daily dose of the best news program on the planet, NPR. Forget whatever you heard or thought; no television station, newspaper, magazine, blog or website does a better job of reporting the events that occur in our world with as much consistency and objectivity. Which reminds me, I need to go ahead and start donating money (whenever I get some).

But back to the point. While I'm enjoying my highway cruise, I was flabbergasted by a story about PRINCELLA SMITH, a 24-year old Republikkkan who is an African-American female and happens to be a member of Newt Gingrich's think tank, American Solutions. CLICK HERE FOR THE AUDIO. And if you will excuse me for a moment while you listen, I will now puke on myself.

*earling*


Ok, we're back. So anyway, this heifer intelligent black woman has decided to show her independence and freedom by being a token negro mascot for the GOP. She even had a blog post published at one of my favorite liberal bully blogs that attacked my beloved Hip-Hop. Check it out:

Sadly, the new slave master portrayed in many (not all) rap videos is the black man.

The executives and heads of these hip hop record companies are white males who sell 4 out of every 5 rap records recorded to a young, white, suburban, male audience. This image of oversexed black men who disrespect women, wear gun wounds as a badge of honor and brag of "bling and bills" is ingrained into the minds of white America, and thus becomes a new form of bondage for African-Americans. These young white men go out into the corporate world, and many are eventually sitting behind a desk to hire employees, and we want them to be objective. Yet, in their subconscious lies these images of African-Americans.

SOURCE: THE HUFFINGTON POST

Good try, sista. Now, let's examine that theory a little bit more. If we are seriously defined as a race by the entertainment that we created for our own enjoyment and is now an incredibly popular worldwide financial juggernaut, that would not be a failure upon our part in sending a clear message. The onus lies upon the anuses who listen and believe anything they hear, see and read. All art is open to interpretation, and what seems like mysogynistic and self-hating garbage to you might be comedy to me. In other words, I don't have to tell a joke or write a sentence that you like, if I don't wish to do such a thing. If you like it, great! If not, kill yourself!

Here's an example. I don't get upset at Oprah, Tyra or that other black woman on The View when they say dumb shit that I don't agree with or could shine a negative light on black men. I just think that they're entitled to their own opinions, and then I ask axe myself, "Why the eff am I watching Oprah?" Immediately following this revelation, I shake my head and change the channel. Problem solved. I don't sit around and wonder, "But what if white women believed that all black men were worthless, irresponsible, shiftless, immature animals with bad credit? Do you know what that would do to interracial dating and the population of light skinned babies? Oh, the horror!"

That was a joke. All I'm trying to get across here is that if you don't like something, don't watch, listen to or read it. Leave it the hell alone, like I'm doing with your beloved GOP convention. And I'm going to do my best to ignore you, my sista, because you are being used like a rubber dildo by the Republikkkans to sodomize the African-American race in a manner that Nelly could never achieve with a million "Tip Drill" videos.

My problem with Princella Smith is that she is a tool. If she doesn't know it, then there is hope for her yet. Ignorance is bliss, but nothing lasts forever. Now, if she does realize that she is letting the Republikkkans parade her around town as their new weapon against their own reputation of racial hatred, then she is despicable, stupid and a classic sell-out. And I'm sure that will put her on the path to the Supreme Court like another famous GOP ball-blower.





For the record, Ms. Smith, I do not judge you for being an opportunist. I'll pray for you tonight, even. Now go back to your aluminum shack behind Massa's house and finish shucking corn for tonight's GOP convention dinner. I'm sure they'll save the "chitterlings" for you.




Lord, give me a sign.

CONSISTENCY IS DEAD

It's so crazy that Jon Stewart has more gall than almost any liberal thinker, commentator or columnist. Dude always seems to find factual information that throws the hypocrisy of the GOP back in the face of the dead elephants. And - get this - he's a comedian.

This just supports my theory that the truth is a joke, and vice-versa.

T.O.C. # 41: You Can't Be Serious

TODAY:


I am almost outraged that people who know that the Republikkkans are evil are actually watching the Republikkkan convention. I didn't have to see Governor Palin's speech and the obviously ensuing applause and cheerful reception to know that it was going to be a festival of lies, manipulation and deception. For God's sake; Bush is a Republikkkan. And if you thought that the party of Bush, Reagan and Nixon was really going to change face this late in the game and start being responsible for the rest of the civilized world, which they've already severely fucked up, then I wish you the best in life, because you're obviously not ready to face the reality of the world. Or, just kill yourself, which I'd wholeheartedly suggest to you lame ideological idiots.

I pity the fool.




And now, I will bring you back to reality, and back to the true purpose of this crusade. Senator Barack Obama is still killing the racist propaganda that comes from the GOP. And he's doing it with class, grace and style. If you think I'm just selling wolf tickets, CLICK HERE. And remember, I'll even admit on a sunny day for Democrats that poll numbers mean Nathan. But if poll numbers come up positive when they're not supposed to, like, for a black Democratic Party POTUS nominee, during the GOP convention... well, let's just assume that the numbers are still underestimated, because they're never going to let us know just how far ahead we really are. If you're down with the clowns, you don't have to be afraid that the Obama/Biden ticket is actually winning, if that scares you. Just sleep through the nightmare and wake up in eight years. But don't fight the tide if you're lost at sea.





And that's all for tonight. But if you really need anything else, let me just say that I'm still amazed because I can now comfortably believe that we're actually going to win this thing. And it's all because the GOP fell victim to its own fuckery.



[That's just so you scaredy-cat Democrats and Independents will calm the eff down and relax. We've got a great candidate, and all that's stopping him from advancing is YOU.]



I'd like to say, "Big ups and infinite thanks," to Governor Sarah Palin, the most unqualified VP candidate in history, for helping the villainous Republikkkans to throw this election into the trash. Yes, Joe Biden is going to thrash this whole phuckphest in the debates. And it's not only going to be ugly; it's going to be funny. Mark my words.

T.O.C. #40 - Racist Alabama Rednecks and Obama's Late N*gger Father

[Young Obama]


TODAY:

Everyone that wears the color red and likes elephants was busy trying to spin the ridiculousness that is Governor Sarah Palin into a fairy tale story. And in such red states as Alabama, my "sweet home", I'm sure that there were thousands of others who were doing their best to turn salt into sugar.





Before you even ask axe, hell no, I'm not watching the Republikkkan convention. I'd rather watch Fox News for a whole year than see a concentrated version of lies, manipulation and race-baiting, put on by the same people who are responsible for this sad state of the union we are now living through. And I rather you killed me, had me cremated, pissed in my urn and served it after the funeral to my family as lemonade than to watch Fox News for even a whole day. So there's your answer to how I think the GOP is doing this week.





See, ever since the Republikkkans had their hoe card pulled by a bluff from God called "Hurricane Gustav", they've been scrambling all over the television news in a desperate collective attempt at pulling their skirts back down. They know that Palin is bad news, and they'd have to believe that we are all idiots (which, of course, they do) if they really think we believe that this woman is the best person to replace Senator John McCain if he croaks on the job. God forbid that that happens (hell, God forbid he wins...), but having Palin as safety net is worse than using pantyhose to break a 10k foot fall from the sky. Maybe even thinner. Not an exercise of good judgment.

As you know, Governor Palin's daughter GAVE UP THE DRAWS AND GOT KNOCKED UP. Senator Barack Obama, the next POTUS, made a formal announcement that "family is off limits." Not only was this statement an excellent political move, as it keeps him on the news during the GOP convention, but it showed his human element. That is, Obama is showing that he would do unto others as he would have them do unto him. Remember when they were tripping on Michelle? Well, now Michelle is off limits, just like the "experience" argument evaporated once Palin became the official VP nominee for the dead elephants. I swear, this Palin lady is killing every weapon that the GOP had against Obama.





So today, as I was checking my email and the daily news online at a place called STIR CRAZY in Birmingham, Alabama, I was caught totally off-guard when I heard one of the most random racist rants I've heard recently. I'm sure you're already thinking to yourself, "Come on, Mike. You were in Alabama! What did you expect?" Well, I didn't expect for a large white man to blurt out loud, in what I guess was his response to the media's sharking of Palin's personal family problems:

"Obama had a white mama, and his daddy was a nigger!"





On a day that my own blog started with Marcus Garvey, School Daze and a hanging Klansman, what else could I have expected? For the record, I was shocked out of my mind. Contrary to popular belief, that kind of public outburst or display does not happen in Alabama often; they save that shit for the backwoods Klan meetings usually, and they still whisper. But yeah, I was stuck, trying to decide whether or not I'd really heard what I heard. And it's funny that the only other black person that was there earlier had just left before the white guy went Kramer with the loud N-bomb. I guess, because I was sitting in a corner with my back turned to the other customers, the guy didn't see me and thought he was safe to return to his racist comfort zone, back in the old boys club. And he never acknowledged me afterwards, although his ladyfriend kept looking at me nervously as I went near their places at the bar to order a Long Island and to give them a heads-up that there was still a nigger in attendance.

The other customers made no eye contact with me. The bartender, whose name is also Mike, was trying to look as if he had been too busy to hear what was said. A guy who smelled like rancid ham - who was actually a cool guy - kind of made himself busy at the pool table. These people were both speaking to me when I entered, and now they looked ashamed to be in my range of vision. Weirdness...

After conferring with my colleague MAURICE GARLAND via Twitter, I realized that the best move was to exit before I said something that got me jumped by said redneck and maybe 6 other worthless elephant man-looking goons, because that would have only resulted in me returning to the bar with a dozen or so friends who live nearby and setting the place on fire. Did I just say that? Just kidding.

So what is the moral of this story? Well, let's just say that when Republikkkans get nervous, they get desperate. They revert back to the way they really are without the cloak of invisibility that covers their red necks and fat, elephant asses. Once the shield is removed, they say anything they want, and I can't blame them. If this is how they plan to respond to the fact that Governor Palin is a horrible candidate, then I feel sorry for them. They can call me and every other black person in the world a nigger, and it won't make Palin a good mother. They can shout about the fact that Senator Obama was born to an 18-year old mother, and it still won't kill his credentials. They can piss me off, but they can't control my temper, even if I don't lose it. And no, Alabama isn't really that bad, but racism exists everywhere, and shows up when you least expect it. That's what I've learned - never be surprised by it.

You know how you know you're on the winning side? When the other side gets angry. Oh, and plus they were all musty as hell. At least us "niggers" believe in good hygiene and don't use toilet seats as horseshoes.




"Home is where the hatred is..."
- Gil Scott Heron

T.O.C.: Day 39 - THE REPUBLIKKKAN "PARTY" IS DEAD

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 39 - MCCAIN'S PAIN

I have to apologize to my readers, because now I get what's happening, and as of right now, I'm taking the bait. So this will be the last time I write an entire post about what the hell is or isn't going on with this. But for now, I have two separate theories as to why Senator John McCain chose Governor Sarah Palin as his VP candidate.


1. Either McCain hit it when Palin visited him on a LATE NIGHT SECRET FLIGHT to Arizona last week, and she put that thang on him so badly that he gave her a key to a room in the White House for some late-night creep action in 2009,


OR...


2. McCain is spitting in the face of the Obama campaign, saying with subtlety that since OBAMA IS A CELEBRITY, the Republikkkan party can create it's own star, while still having a balanced ticket with a Senate veteran, just like the Dems. Except, the roles would be reversed.

The argument sounds like this. If Biden beats Palin in the VP debates, that means nothing, because, historically, no one votes for a VP anyway. Plus, she's just a politically made celebrity, so it's no big deal if she can't overcome any expectations.

The GOP probably thinks that this neutralizes Senator Obama. They think he has no experience, so they got someone with even less experience than zero. So now, the fight is between Biden and McCain. Both are long standing U.S. senators, and both have a wealth of foreign policy and government experience. But since Biden is not the presidential candidate, it makes Obama look bad, I guess.


All of that is a crazy gamble, but it still doesn't knock down the biggest question:

Is this the best person McCain could find to be president after him, in case he's not available? And if it isn't (and let's be honest - it isn't), what does that say about his judgment?

Seriously, I think he hit it.