2.28.2008

GLOSSARY OF THE DAMNED

Here are definitions of some of the words I’ve made up so far on this blog, my brothers and sisters.


NOLO:

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Think Nolo Contendre, the “I’m not guilty of this, but just make it go away” plea that you can enter in most courtrooms in America. For instance, I’m not gay. Gay, to me, is weirder than words can say. I mean, why?!!? But anyway, I’m also not a hater or a sexual bigot, so do whatever you do. Just don’t invite me behind the green door. Nolo.


POTUS:

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I shouldn’t have to explain this one, but oh well. POTUS is an acronym for “President Of The United States.” When I do my “Chivalry is Dead” campaign discussion about Obama vs. Hillary, I use the term “POTUS” a lot, but I’ve been getting questions about what it means, even from my best homie who’s a medical doctor. Come on; you’ve never seen 24?


DEWSHERY:

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Dewshery is defined as the continual and ongoing act of a person, company or group of people engaging in douche-like activity. If you always say stupid things, you should dead the dewshery. If someone says they’re going to do something and they renig, call it dewshery. If you read my blog and don’t laugh, you’re on that dewshery.


TRANSTESTICLE:

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This one is pure fun. It can describe a transsexual person, or anyone who’s just too gay for TV. Nolo. A transtesticle can also be a punkdafied person who either won’t stand up for his/herself or a loser that hides behind a self-created image. A transtesticle is always on that dewshery. Actually, I stole this one from Andrew “Dice” Clay from an old HBO special. Dude was, and still is, funny as hell.


THE FREAK GHOST:

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Shout to my homie, T-Peso, who invented this one. The Freak Ghost is what you get when you remember something wild you did and have a physical reaction, similar to the heebie-jeebies. Recently, I caught the freak ghost, while staying at the Birmingham Sheraton. I used to wild out there, back when my high school band played the Magic City Classic parade. We had 120 instruments, plus 40 dance team/flag corps girls for additional viewing pleasure, and we all spent the night in the same hotel, four years straight (Good God...). I was also a class president during my one-year stint at Alabama A&M University, so during the Classic weekend, years later, I got to escort the class queen to the game and get a free rental whip and hotel room for the weekend, courtesy of AAMU (Lawd Jesus… ).


OVERTHROWED:

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No, not like Saddam or the Taliban. Then again, maybe... To understand this one, you’d first have to understand the term throwed. Hopefully, you do, otherwise all is lost and you should go ahead and hang yourself with a super-sized tampon string. In layman’s terms, overthrowed is a state of being gloriously drunk and happy, having a good time. It can alsu be used as a synonym for being “hung-over.” To be throwed is human; to be overthrowed is divine.


AXED:

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This should really be self-explanatory also. You’ve heard it before, in conversation with your thug cousins, or maybe even out of your own mouth when politicking with your people back home. The proper way to inquire about something is to ask. But if you’ve ever spent time in the hood, like THE UNDERWRITER, you’ve probably axed a few questions yourself when conferring with a ghetto colleague.



This should be enough to get you primed. I’ll come with additional definitions as necessary. Now get out of my face, you doo doo-head dummy.

1 comment:

Snickers said...

CLEARLY I just had a Jessica Simpson moment 'cause I had NO CLUE what nolo or potus meant!
I immediately thought potus was a typo that was supposed to be lotus...

and why does the lady on the Summer's Eve box look just like the old white man that just greeted me at Wal-Mart????