RELIGION IS DEAD

Thank Jebus it's Friday. Speaking of The Lawd, there's a movie coming out that I'm going to try to see sometime this weekend called RELIGULOUS. It's Bill Maher's journalistic satire of religion, and by most reviewer's accounts, it promises to be funny to OBJECTIVISTS like myself while pissing off most Evangelical neo-conservative lunatics and hopefully every other manipulating servant of Satan that pretends to speak the language of spirituality. You know the type...






I don't know your views on Christianity, Islam or Judaism, but you're more than welcome to ask axe God to strike me down for saying that I am highly interested in what this documentary-styled film contains, or you can just leave a comment and be less dramatic. But if you wish to know, I am neither an atheist nor an agnostic, but I have serious questions about the factual or plain-old believable issues that are preached in the name of The Lawd, especially down here under the bible belt, where assholes and dickheads alike stink up the region with their quiet quest for money, power and fame--all in the name of Jesus Christ, Muhammad or MATISYAHU. God knows he has some strange followers that probably believe that he wrote the Old Testament or some next shit like that. Me? I was raised as a Baptist, and I had to go to chuuch all the got-damn time. I would hear all types of buffoonery. A quick list of some of the nonsense includes:

1. If you kill yourself, you're going to Hell.
2. If you're gay, you're going to Hell.
3. If you say "God Damn" too many times, you're going to Hell.

Now, I can't vouch for two of those, because I'm neither gay or dead from suicide. But I lost my fear of speaking my mind years ago, and sometimes you just can't substitute another phrase for the all-powerful "Gyeaad--DAAAYYUM!!" And besides, don't act like a lot of the men that attend mostly black churches aren't apple bottom biters on the low, if you follow. Maybe on the high... But please believe: God has been very good to me, so don't assume that I'm not a believer. I just don't let another human being get between our relationship, so I really have little to no use for modern evangelists, preachers and such.



The few spiritual leaders that I do respect have always agreed that there is no such thing as an unforgivable sin as long as you've accepted God into your life. The others have always made up things that they claim can be found in The Good Book. By the way, it is a good book, but did you know that the Bible was in fact not written by God? A man actually took the trees that God created on "his" earth, in "his" universe, and cut them into shreds so that he could print money, collect 10% of others' income and give it all back to God. God made man and man made money selling God's magnum opus.



OUCH-- I just got struck by a bolt of lightning! But no, really, what is the point of religion? I see it as a way to control people and to turn the individual hero into a compressed weakling who cannot exist on his or her own terms. Maybe that sounds harsh, but riddle me this: when was the last time you sinned? Probably today. And the wages of sin is... you already know. Death. But guess what? You're gonna die anyway, so stop taking things so God-damned literal and learn to laugh at life while you have it. Sheesh!

I expect to laugh incredibly loud at Religulous, but I do not expect anyone to volunteer to see it with me. And while I believe it will do decent numbers at the box office, I can also clearly see the future, when the zealots start protesting and calling for HBO to cancel his show like Comedy Central did back when he started FREESTYLING about September 11. If there's anything guaranteed in America, it is religious persecution, which is pretty sad when you remember that this country was supposedly founded as an antidote to intolerance.



You mad? Who cares. Take it up with the man, woman or entity upstairs. But please, save your accusations of blasphemy for someone that's stupid. I have always believed that the spirit of God lives in each of us, therefore we can communicate directly with the great spirit without the need of an intermediary or middleman. As long as we have pastors with perms, private jets and penthouse apartments that preach prosperity, I'll happily refrain from spending my sacred Sunday afternoon doing anything as ridiculous as attending a "house of God" that man built and paid for. Isn't God already rich? Doesn't "he" own the earth, as well as the universe? How much sense does it then make to cut down "his" trees, turn them into currency and give 10% of the paper product back to "him"?

God don't like ugly. And yes, I know I might go to Hell for this, but like The Last Poets said, "If there's Hell below, we're all gonna go!"

CHESTER IS ALIVE

Tony Alamo, a man of the cloth, has been watching too much Sesame Street, it seems; thus, his career as an epostle of the Lawd IS OFFICIALLY DEAD. He has been arrested for being a weird pervert, but this is far from the first time. Alamo was convicted of tax-related charges in 1994 and given a four-year prison sentence, after the IRS claimed that he owed $7.9 million to the government. Prosecutors argued during the trial that he was a flight risk, a polygamist and a weirdo, who not only prayed for forgiveness but also preyed on married women and young girls in his flock.





According to his beliefs and theology, a woman is ready to marry at the point of puberty. It says so in the bible, according to whatever chapter he's read. He and his now deceased wife Susan founded a Christian ministry in 1969. When she died in 1982, he KEPT HER IN THE BASEMENT, asking his followers to pray over her displayed body so that she would rise like Lazarus. Wow.





This most recent arrest occurred at the hands of the F.B.I., at his cult compound in Arkansas five days after his 74th birthday:

On September 20, 2008, federal and state investigative agents raided the Arkansas headquarters of the ministry as part of a child pornography investigation. This investigation involved allegations of physical abuse, sexual abuse and allegations of polygamy and underage marriage. According to Terry Purvis, mayor of Fouke, Arkansas, his office has received complaints from former ministry members about allegations of child abuse, sexual abuse and polygamy since the ministry established itself in the area. In turn, Purvis turned over information about the allegations to the FBI. Alamo denied the child abuse allegations. On September 25, 2008, Alamo was arrested by Arizona police and FBI agents in Flagstaff, Arizona on charges that he transported minors over state lines for sexual activity in violation of the Mann Act.

SOURCE: WIKIPEDIA

Here's a video of how Alamo, pronounced "A-Lame-O" by the Fox News personality interviewing him, believes that the Lawd will deliver him from the wickedness of the world, and how women shouldn't yap their stupid mouths off.





Jesus, what evil hath men done in thy name? R.Kelly wears Jesus pieces on the regular, and he pees on any pre-pubescent Punky Brewster he pleases. Nobody complains, and his star stock actually rises. He can even get on TV and come across as Chesterly as ever, taking no responsibility for anything he may have done while asking heaven for a hug.





But that's still not enough. Did you know he started a business selling sequined denim jackets under his own name, and his failure to report his revenues to the IRS would land him in prison for tax evasion? I mean, what kind of pervert makes his living selling stonewashed and airbrushed denim? No wonder he was ashamed of claiming his earnings.





Catholic priests have been fondling a lot more than their own balls and bibles, oh my brothers and sisters. Some, it seems, may secretly use their Rosary beads on themselves, if you follow. Then you have the whole "gay marriage" debate, which in my opinion is not worthy of any debate. Civil unions are just fine with me, but marriage is and should always be used for lovers of the opposite sex. This is not a religious issue; it's a natural one. I thought that one of the major reasons to get married was so that your child would not have to go through life with the title of "illegitimate." But now that's all dead, and the children are going to be raised by couples made of husbands and wives that can ask axe each other, "How's it hanging, honey?" How do all of the fatherless bastards of today feel about this, I wonder?





This is what happens when we condemn sex as an ungodly act. Not only do people go underground with their weirdness and freaky ambitions, but the criminals become the equals of people who aren't even committing crimes. I just hope that the true believers out there take this as a message and start getting serious about cleaning up their churches--from the inside out. Nolo.

I wonder who's gonna be next?