"SENATOR" ROLAND BURRIS IS DEAD

EDITOR'S NOTE: Look, I don't need no Secret Service problems. That title isn't to be taken literally, so don't get all tight about it and start goon monitoring me from Langley at the secret underworld headquarters of the National Obituary Desk. The concept here is political death, not physical. So leave me the hell alone. I shouldn't even have to say that, but there that go.



Man, I called it. And I'm still calling it now, even though it probably won't be announced until Sunday or Monday. Senator Roland Burris will vacate his Illinois senate seat, and unless he's a complete boob, he'll do it sooner rather than later. That's money.

See, this guy should have known that this was a bad idea all along. You already saw WHAT HAPPENED TO JESSE JR., when he tried his political hand at Obama's former spot, and found out that not every black politician is Barack Obama. Hell, not many white ones (or Jindals) are either, for that matter, so don't get too gassed about your chances. Those are some big shoes to fill, oh my brothers and sisters.

Now that he SOMEHOW GOT IN, he's the loneliest black guy in the Senate chamber, even without the ethical cloud that is raining poop water on his head. Taking the offer (or should I say "deal"?) from former IL governor Blago was stupid in itself - can we say instant self-ether? The smart move would have been to stay out of the line of fire, until the man with the target on his dome was exterminated by the political media's firing squad. Blago was already alluding to his complete coolness with taking others down with him. Some of those statements he made on his TV award tour, prior to his impeachment, had some slick undertones; it sounded to me as if he was quietly saying, "Look, this is how politics is. You pay to play. Now, don't make me have to get Nino in the courtroom on y'all. You know you got money in the freezer too, fool!"





The Democrats have been trying to keep a clean house recently, especially now that they're too busy running the government to expose gay Repubs anymore. But all that means is that the G.O.P(enis) is looking for some retribution rape, now that they're all the way uncovered as racist homosexual morons. You see they got rid of THIS GUY, and THAT GUY, so they're obviously not trying to wait on anybody to slip up, now that they're 1 seat away (Franken's gonna win) from a filibuster-proof Senate vote. That makes Burris the new problem.


I've got to admit that I was disappointed in Congressman Bobby Rush's "lynch" language, at that early press conference when Burris was just named by Blago as Obama's scab. Was it really necessary to bring race into the whole affair? If a black guy was the last person to hold the job, with outstanding performance, how can you assume that the next black guy won't get a fair chance at it -- unless you think that there's some secret issue that could ruin the whole orgy, like 1 person in the group had crabs and didn't bother to inform everyone else. But if you already know how everybody in the clusterfuck of Illinois politics gets down, then you should already know what's up, and you shouldn't show up anyway, now should you? Don't tarnish your gallant reputation by getting in bed with freaks.

Now, Rush, our proud former Black Panther, is sitting his ass down, and Burris having the marble toilet he had mounted blown up from underneath his balls, on some Lethal Weapon 2 ish. And Blago was doing a good Sgt. Riggs imitation, except he didn't stay around long enough to pull Burris's ass away from the explosion, or just to give some spirit-boosting encouragement, like "Guy's like you don't die on toilets."





White House Press Secretary and Obama weed mule Robert Gibbs said with nuanced subtlety on Friday that Burris ought to STEP THE FUCK OFF. The new Governor of Illinois, Pat Quinn, made his position clear by saying that Burris is a WACK MC that should be tossed off stage by the draws. Plus, one of Burris's senate aides told him HE PLAYED HIMSELF, and went back to his former position as the Tony Yayo of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's G-Unit.

So now, "Senator" Roland Burris is looking like Rick Ross. If I were him, I'd pack my bags, steal as much Senate stationery as I could get my hands on, and run back to the lab to record a new political mixtape about his experiences. I might even download it for free.

WHY OBAMA'S NOT GOING TO GET MURKED

Here's a little reassurance for you skeptics out there. I know, I know; you're still struck with those dag-blasted heebie-jeebies about tomorrow, even though you keep hearing about all that security and the precautions taken to ensure a safe and happy inauguration.

Fear not; it appears that the last thing anybody wants is a problem with the super-official Obama entourage. In case you were unaware, this is how President #44 is rolling out in these skreets. Now ask axe yourself; do you want beef? This dude has the pimp game on clack-clack!!! See for yourself below:





But nah... go right ahead. See what your foolishness and unprepared mind will get you in 2009. My advice? Chiiiiiilllllll.....

KNOWING WHEN TO QUIT IS DEAD

This vid that I copped from Failblog.com is funny as hell and I think you should watch it as an introduction piece before I go into this next post:





I guess I'm posting it because it seems like the reporter should have used his common sense and not gotten in the way of an unstoppable force. He looked like the swaggering, confident sports journalist when the vid begins, but alas; he loses his standing, is sent spinning out of control and lands on his American ass.

Then he has the nerve to try to sound "cool" (get it--snow!) while laying on the white. He then collapses. When he is finally helped back up by a supporter whose face shall not be seen, he staggers--not swaggers--off into the distance in shame and stupidity. Maybe he should have questioned the wisdom of trying to be so close to something he couldn't control. This, oh my brothers and sisters, is what happened to still-Governor Rod Blagojevich. He saw the gravy train a-comin' down the mountain and had to be the Christmas turkey that got glazed [nl].





It is reported today that Gov. Blago WILL NAME OBAMA'S SUCCESSOR, in what has to be one of the most defiant political moves I've seen recently, next to Senator Larry Craig's STALLED ATTEMPT AT MAN-LOVE and subsequent refusal to accept even his own guilty plea in court, dragging his public embarassment out longer than necessary.

The move by Gov. Blago has already drawn a line in the snow between himself and THE DON MEGA HARRY REID, with the Senate Majority Leader repeating the party line that any person appointed by the disgraced governor would be blocked. Since it's everyone's intention to have Blago not only impeached but possibly prosecuted, it makes perfect sense that he would not take the idiotic step of tainting SOMEONE ELSE'S good name by telling the world that he--in all of his political morality--has decided that said person was the most qualified for such a powerful and significant position. But politics = Pandora's box, lest we forget...





My question: why is it that Blago keeps shitting on black candidates? Pardon me if my colorblind philosophy is blurring my actual vision, but wasn't President-Elect Barack Obama a black senator? Why would Blago twice put his slimy stamp of approval on two otherwise respectable black men with upward mobility and political aspirations of grandeur? Is this some type of trade-off? Do blacks in Illinois have to pay a penance for Obama's success? Sacrifice two knights to get one king? Checkmate?

Or is this something more politically poisoned? Is Gov. Blago putting his finger in the Obama Administration's proverbial EYE OF PROVIDENCE by spreading his own disgrace among other candidates that share a similar ethnic background to Obama, as long as he is hung out to dry by the new Democratic establishment? Maybe his posturing is a way of saying, "Look here, Mr. Magic Negro; I will not be the only one to fall on this one, so you'd better look for a way to save me and my political legacy before I start flipping even worse than the reporter in that YouTube video above."





And seriously, what does that "Warning" sign next to Blago mean? Is there some subliminal message in the choice of being snapped by a photog next to something that says the word "rats"? Hmmm...

Hopefully Blago will smarten up quickly and realize that he's already fallen. No need to keep playing yourself for the cameras, dude. You are the victim of your own epic fail. Just collect yourself, turn around and walk away. And please don't expose those that tried to help you get back up in the process. Let them have their dignity.

REPRESENTATION WITHOUT TAXATION IS DEAD

First of all, the governor of Illinois looks like an aging porn star. That mop he's wearing is too suspect for words. But if he intended to upgrade to the JOHN EDWARDS HAIRCUT price range, he should have figured out a better and more realistic way to earn the chee$e he needed to pay the bill, instead of charging others to play the political game and getting recorded over a federal wiretap. What a dumbass. But alas, you already know that politicians are not smart. And if you haven't already seen the video of Patrick Fitzgerald, the same U.S. Attorney that brought down Scooter Libby in the C.I.A. leak investigation, then check out this YouTube of Pat reading aloud the alleged words of Governor Rod Blagojevich, which I guess were recorded and transcripted. As you can tell, "bleep" is the new "fuck."




In other political news related to Hip-Hop, CNN.com ran A STORY ON COMMON, Chicago's original native son, and how he believes that Obama will change Hip-Hop for the positive. I have to say that the homie is 100% on point. It's going to be awfully hard to rap about selling drugs, pimping hoes and gang life when the POTUS is a black Harvard Law graduate and has an extremely intelligent wife and two beautiful daughters. Mark my words; it won't be long until Obama has to rebuke some dumb rapper for saying something sexist or crime-related in the same rhyme that he celebrates having a black prez. If Obama will turn his back on a corrupt white dude with whom he had political history, he will certainly throw a cold elbow to Shawty Lo or Gucci Mane or one of those other cats. Shouldn't matter much to them; they can still hurry up and make an Obama song while the frenzy still hasn't peaked. Obama ringtone, anyone?



Everybody is making money off Obama right now, or at least trying. Even my sweet old grandmother fell for the PAINTED OBAMA COIN commercial and paid $29.99 by credit card for a set for your faithful and humble narrator. God bless America. Obama might just sell us out of this recession. The question is, does Obama own his own name, or does it now belong to the American public? Who's really getting taxed, oh my brothers and sisters?



Cash rules everything around me.

WHY ATLANTA IS DYING OFF

I tell you, oh my brothers and sisters, the times, they are a'changin' around this beeaieyach. So let me begin by saying that I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, and I hope that you're not only thankful for that gluttonous meal you ate Thursday afternoon with your fat-ass family, but you're also in the spirit of giving something to those who might be in worse need than you this winter.

Keep in mind that I'm not a fan of baseless charity; I prefer that people find something that they love and want to see bettered through personal investment. Deserving a gift is the ideal. But let's be fair; we're in a recession and there are hungry and cold people out there who may have fallen through the cracks under Georgia Bush's reign of terror on the American government. Prayer helps, but action is necessary in these times. Let's all pitch in.

Speaking of Georgia, since it is one of the states that I represent through my honorary position as Senator to the southern tri-state area of Tennessee, Alabama and Georgia, and I do most of my business in Atlanta, let me keep it ultra gutter and tell you what's really hood in the city that made me. Here, as food for thought, are the top 30 reasons why the City of Atlanta is pretty much dead. Listen to me now; believe me later on.


THE UNDERWRITER'S TOP 30 REASONS
WHY ATLANTA IS DYING OFF:




1. Shakir Stewart's death (R.I.P.)
2. T.I. going to jail
3. Luda going Hollywood
4. Gucci Mane in jail
5. Young Jeezy cooling off
6. Soulja Boy
7. Jermaine Dupri running a club & destroying Janet's career at once
8. L.A. Reid in the Hamptons
9. 1/2-ass Janelle Monae project management by Bad Boy
10. Lil' Jon M.I.A.
11. Hot 107.9's A-Team fired; replaced by Ricky Smiley
12. Maurice Garland M.I.A. since 11/5
13. Gyant gaining fame
14. No clear cut female rap queen/leading lady
15. Jax death (R.I.P.)
16. DJ Drama still in legal limbo
17. Killer Mike fadeaway
18. Usher in career limbo
19. Dallas Austin on permanent vacation
20. Alfamega
21. Kaya becomes Club Vision, then torn down for Trump condos
22. The death of Freaknic (R.I.P.)
23. Mike Vick not coming back
24. Traffic
25. Price of a$$ & foreclosures ^; local economy & city budget down
26. Continued water (& weed) drought
27. Polow Da Don recent brick marathon
28. Still no Real World Atlanta
29. Chicago's comeuppance
30. No alcohol sales on Sunday except clubs & restaurants


To be certain, there is only one hope...




The Dungeon Family. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Anybody who has been here since the mid-90s can tell you that even moreso than Dallas and Jermaine and only second to LaFace, the DF made Atlanta cool, so only they can reinstitute the groove and save the city. If that fails, expect me to speak to you from New York or Los Angeles in 2010.

Fortunately, there are three OutKast projects and one GOODie MoB. album on the way. Thank God. Shout to the homie Dallas in town for Turkey weekend.

INSPIRED BY OBAMA (and sour diesel).

Jesus, I had no idea how zooted I was when they shot this video. That's what two Ls of Sour Diesel and plenty of vodka will do to you. Anyway, here's that video I told you about from the New York post.



Let there be no doubt that I was feeling extra glowy with those blue lights all around me.

Q-TIP LIVES?!

Pardon my decision to stay away from the whole "Yay, Obama!" blog movement since Tuesday night, but just so it's said and out of the way, I am not only thrilled about our new President-Elect Barack Obama, but I'm ready to start working on what must be done. The celebration and shock factor can't last too long; we have this weekend and the inauguration to party. Every other moment will have to be used for progress so that we don't lose this opportunity. So don't get gassed.

But if you do need additional fuel to move with purpose through all the hatred and sodium of our GOP enemies friends who lost their asses in the election casino, I can't think of a better new album to download for the freeski purchase at this incredible moment in history than Q-Tip's new jaint The Renaissance. First of all, the Abstract Poetic is just timeless; that's all. If I had to select one person as a living definition of a true MC with staying power and obvious love and concern for the artform, it would be Tip without a question. Remember how badly I spazzed out when Lupe Fiaschoe came sideways out of his neck after botching the Tribe tribute at the VH-1 show? You just don't diss Tribe, and Q-Tip is Tribe, and Tribe is Hip-Hop.





From title to tempo, this album fits exactly into the groove of today, as if it were taylor made to remind us that artistry doesn't have to change if it's good enough to make the world change on demand. Within The Renaissance, the rhythm, basslines, record scratches and samples all blend together with Tip's signature ageless voice to create the same feeling one remembers from the days when the Native Tongues were the Wu-Tang of the world.

If you're looking for some type of lyrical gymnastics, I'd suggest you go cop some Lupe and an encyclopedia to guide you through whatever the hell he's talking about. With Q-Tip, you get the benefit of a guy who is confident enough in his talent and intelligence that he doesn't have to try to prove it to you; he just displays them and lets you decide whether it's digable or not. Simplicity has always been Q-Tip's most effective tool, and he uses it to sooth the savagery to which rap music has been addicted for the past __ years. And before you ask axe, I don't have a favorite jam on this album. The whole album is my favorite jaint right now. Jesus, this one is right on time.

It's hard to be in a bad mood when the beat starts bumping along and the keyboards and the words start dancing along to the drums. Even when you wake up like I did this morning, at 5:00am, because a nerve pushed through and cracked a molar next to an slowly incoming wisdom tooth, causing me to reorganize financial plans for upcoming dental expenses. Teeth suck.





It's a good thing that I can look forward to living under the rule of a black president soon, plus these aspirins are working hard enough so that I don't have to pop the hydrocodone horse pill I keep in case of emergencies like this. When you add The Renaissance to this mix, I am far from complaining. Life is a circus of happiness and pain, and you have to balance the two at all times. Music like this from my man Q-Tip proves that even with the loss of his Ummah partner Jay Dee/J. Dilla and most of his records in a house fire ten years ago, the brother is an unstoppable force.

My, these is motivating times!! Shout to the homie DALLAS PENN.

DEBATE IS DEAD

There are not many things that could get me to change my preference in the upcoming presidential election, oh my brothers and sisters. As I said in a column earlier this year, Senator Barack Obama would have to get caught naked with either a dead girl or a live boy to stop me from voting for him. Tonight, he has a town-hall style debate in the city where I was born—Nashville, Tenn.—with Senator John McCain over who should be The Man with the master plan for 2009-2012 and beyond. I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow with the only commentary that you need to read. Until then, happy viewing.

Free advice: Whatever you do, don’t listen to any Republikkkan spin after the debate is over. Turn the channel if you have to—MSNBC will keep it trillie—but don’t let right wing nuts make up your mind for you.

It’s Yours!

STRATEGY IS DEAD

There's a lot of talk today about this whole debate debacle, as Governor Sarah Palin faces the world in a test of preparedness against Senator Joseph Biden of Delaware.

No one expects Biden to "lose" this debate, which is highly dangerous for him and why you might have noticed both political parties playing down expectations. The wisdom is that if you handicap your player and publicly predict a low performance, even alluding to the possibility of a loss, you will easily come out on top without having to exert very much energy or intellect.

Everyone—even Palin—knows that Biden is the better, smarter and more qualified candidate. But no one knows how bad Palin will be against him. There are many risks, which include a PR nightmare scenario for Biden: he could forcefully prove that he is better, smarter and more qualified, thus causing a sense of resentment. Nobody likes a know-it-all, and everybody loves the underdog. America is huge on victims and charity.

So if Biden engages Palin, he runs the risk of looking like a father, which would also immediately transform him into an old, chauvinist misogynist by default. "Who does Joe Biden think he is, dismissing a woman so fervently?" I can already see Elizabeth's lips flapping tomorrow morning on The View, and it's not at all as if I plan on watching The View.



You can see what type of dilemma that Biden is in, and how millions of Republikkkan lackeys, flunkies and surrogates are prepared to spin this into a victory for Palin no matter how badly she fails tonight. So there's only one way that Biden can soundly rout Palin in their one and only VEEP debate:

He's got to surrender.

Yes; the senator must hold back his mental arsenal of foreign policy, economics, law, social issues, education, energy and anything else he knows that would warrant an answer to any of Gwen Ifill's questions longer than two sentences. We already know that the campaign of Senator John McCain is trying to DISCREDIT Ifill because she has written a book called Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama. If it is perceived that she is tossing journalistic "softballs" at Biden, it will appear as if GOP commentators were correct in assuming that she was already in pocket as an Obama loyalist and supporter. If he answers a question exceptionally well, Republikkkans will yell that the fix is in. Sheesh… at least McCain finally came out and admitted that Ifill, highly respected as an objective political journalist, will probably do a great job, as always.



On the other hand, if he decides to limit his answers, it will put pressure on Palin to best him. If she rambles, she will slip. If she keeps her answers similarly short, she will look like she's following Biden's lead because she is incompetent and has no answers. If she answers them correctly and blows everyone away with her understanding of the issues, she will still be less qualified as Biden, because no one with an I.Q. over 60 could possibly believe that he is not ready to step in at a moment's notice.

Biden will win regardless, but public relations can be a bitch to control, and you'd better believe that those wacky, Kool-Aid drinking Republikkkans are already preparing their victory statements for the morning news shows. Palin is a nincompoop, and it doesn't take an intellectual bombardment from Biden to expose this. Allow her to be the cause of her own political death, and she will most certainly euthanize herself on the public stage, proving to everyone that she never belonged behind that podium in the first place.

The best strategy is a non-strategy. If Biden follows my advice, I guarantee that he will have slayed the "LEVIATHAN OF FORENSICS" without having to raise his voice. And you can bet that if Biden walks away clean, the conservatives who were once all too giddy with the pretty lady from Alaska will attack her themselves, or simply decide as early as tomorrow that they cannot support the GOP ticket in November.

BIPARTISANSHIP IS DEAD

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MODESTY IS DEAD: THE OBAMA CRUSADE CONTINUES

Pass the high-class mustard, oh my brothers and sisters. It has been announced that Senator John McCain, who believes that you aren't rich until you have $5 million, IS THE NUMBER 1 STUNNA WHEN IT COMES TO CARS.

Man, it's gotta be nice to be a Republikkkan. You know, once you sign your soul over to Satan, that your whip game will forever be proper. Not only that, but you probably get to drink Arnold Palmers after matches at your exclusive tennis club, while soaking in the steam down in the bathhouse sauna with the other good ol' boys, as you enjoy cigars and political opinions like your own. And after you've made it clear that you're of the same Confederate mind as your contemporaries, you hit the showers, change into an extra-crispy JoS. A. Banks outfit and head over to the pub for a pre-paid meal and a couple of Manhattans before you climb behind the wheel of one of your luxury automobiles - whichever one you drove that day.





Republikkkans have no idea that there's a recession going on. Not that they aren't hearing and seeing all the evidence for themselves, but they can't really be expected to believe that their favorite son, who is currently in charge, let this happen on his watch. Therefore, it didn't happen--that's how the GOP deals with today's economic climate. There is no recession, there is no stock market crisis and there is no problem in the housing sector. The fundamentals of our economy are strong, as long as they can't feel any difference in lifestyle.





I'm still astounded that McCain has managed to fool so many people. He's a member of the party that controls the White House, and while the Senate and House have technical Democratic majorities, neither house of Congress can make anything stick that Bush doesn't like, since all he has to do is push the Veto button. Without a true majority, there's no possilibity of a filibuster. But somehow, someway, people think that the Democrats are responsible for congressional failures. What they don't realize is that without that Democratic majority, things would be way worse. We should be glad they're in those seats, instead of complaining about what they haven't done yet. The Democrats holding down their elected positions are keeping McCain from buying 10 more cars while instituting the type of change that is contrary to what the men who wrote the U.S. Constitution intended. Sure, he supports alternative fuel choices for cars, but he lets his daughter buy a foreign whip?




The only change you can expect from him would be a final stake in the heart of womens' and civil rights, as he ultimately stacks another two right-wingers on top of the Supreme Court. You want to talk about change? What if McCain rolls up to the Capitol in a Rolls-Royce for his first State of the Union address and says the following:

Dear Bitches:

You are no longer free. We are now in the first phase of "Country First", my new plan of action as President. Your government now has the exclusive right to make decisions regarding your body. But congratulations; you now have the irrevocable right to life! Nobody but us, your government, can take that away from you! By the way, we might call for a draft; you know, we still do have that 100-year war that we're going to fight against, uh... Asia? Venezuela? Was it... Africa? Oh yeah, Iran!! Whatever, wherever... When we call for you to die for your country, we expect you to exercise your right to... um... choose? Wait, scratch that last thing I said. Let's just keep it real: either you fight for us when we say or you get the electric chair. And I got five friends in black robes that say I'm the man, so I bet you won't trip.

That's all for now, but don't forget to come through next weekend for the 1st Annual Johnny Mac Car & Bike Show, featuring Cindy and Sarah's wet t-shirt competition, a free Mexican buffet and a live reggaeton/kickboxing performance by Daddy Yankee and Chuck Norris! We changed the game on these hoes!!

Oh, by the way, Senator Barack Obama has one car: a Ford Escape hybrid. American made and forward-thinking on energy and oil. Change we can see, starting at the top of the ticket.




The better question might be, what the hell does McCain need 13 cars for, anyway? When's the last time he took a driver's exam? I sure as hell don't want him driving ahead, behind or onside of my car; you know how those geezers drive. After he loses the election, I can only think of one type of car he needs to be driving. And yes, it's made for retirement.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE BOUNCES BACK FROM THE DEAD

[You've gotta agree: This dude is an orator of the highest order. When he shines, it's brilliant.]


TODAY:


After a horrible post-GOP performance, it seems that the dust is finally setting and Senator John McCain is going back to his position in the race, which is, of course, loser. THOSE GOOD OLD POLLS are swinging back towards the Democratic ticket. Most likely, if I had to guess, I'd say that dangling Governor Palin around for the female vote is finally starting to look like political prostitution, and McCain's bravado is slowly starting to smell like bullshit.

To say that I'm happy that Senator Barack Obama got his _____ back would not be sufficient. I was seriously starting to doubt the wisdom behind his campaign, because there is no excuse, even when playing it safely out of the way when the other team does something stupid, for a person running for POTUS to let his gloves down before the championship belt is secured, or you can get KTFO by a random right cross.

If you truly deserve something, and you know it, you'll fight for it if necessary. And I was always told that once you've been hit, you have the right to defend yourself. You can choose not to return fire--again, a personal choice--but until you respond forcefully or at least defend yourself, you are liable to be assaulted over and over until you just give up and walk away from the fight, embarassed and still being kicked and beaten as you stroll home to hide your face for a week or two.

Who wants that? Especially when the two fighers are horribly mismatched and there's no way that McCain could beat Obama at a debate? I'm not saying that Obama was quitting or giving up before this week, but it was becoming extremely disheartening to watch a champion seemingly throw the fight, especially when everyone knows that he can win, and it actually is possible, if he really, really, really wants it bad enough to go for it with everything in the bank.





I don't want to face November 5 without knowing that on this day and for the rest of the campaign, whether I cover it daily on this blog or not, I did what I thought was right and spoke what needed to be said. And if McCain wins by a landslide, I won't say anything. I won't protest and I won't whine. I'll keep working like I am today, because a McCain presidency would be no different from the current one.

But if it's close, and McCain wins by one of those Bush #43 margins, I'm going to be superpissed at Senator Obama, the Democratic Party and America, but I'll still get over it and I'll probably be content with writing my first magnum opus, depositing the check and comfortably fading into suburban life. Doesn't sound bad, huh?





Of course it does, when you consider that I could be getting ready to do the type of work that people do when they care about where they're going in life or what type of fuckery will happen to them if they sit on their asses and play satisfied. I hate just throwing out random Che Guevara information, because people don't even know why he was so influential. The guy actually worked, as in performed physical duties alongside the average Cuban men and women, at least one day a week, setting a precedent for others to join him in national service. Sure, it was kind of mandatory in a communist state, but leading by example is always better than leading by microphone, book or blog.





I'd rather be inspired by my POTUS to doing something important so that my kids, whenever they appear, don't inherit a world as dicked as the one I own today. McCain is not about to get his ass out in the community to do anything other than speak or kiss babies. Obama has already been in the field, where they say it's real. I want him to win, because it's going to take more than just his speeches to lead the country into rebuilding, redeveloping and reinventing ourselves on the world stage. It's going to take all of us, and I don't see John McCain making a significant number of people move, especially when he can barely lift his arms. Honestly, I say that with no disrespect intended, but the truth is just that fonky, oh my brothers and sisters.





So really, who cares if Obama is black, or not white, or neither and both at once? Do you really--seriously--want a strange ass woman and this septuagenarian to win, when they proclaim to be the embodiment of everything for which the GOP currently stands? How can things change if Bush isn't even interested in helping his former rival by showing a little more interest? That's how I know McCain won't win, because it's not even being properly setup. All signals point to change, and that's not a Republikkkan term, no matter how they try to steal it.

Enough for now. Gotta read a few chapters of the book and get some rest. Tomorrow, let's talk about this nasty BIDEN/CLINTON EXCHANGE RUMOR that I keep hearing, shall we? Personally, I don't buy it, but I do expect an October Surprise of some type.

Anyway, we'll deal with that bridge to nowhere when we cross it.

T.O.C: BALLING IS DEAD

It finally started to appear today that the Democratic nominee and his running mate are ready to take the fight to the GOP, courtesy of the average American citizen. Why? Because Wall Street suffered a stroke yesterday, and has been hemmoraging uncontrollably ever since the bleeding began. Just the truth--the economy is completely dicked.


A.I.G., Countrywide, IndyMac, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and the list goes on... All of the banks who fell for the housing bubble fiasco and tied their anchors to the sub-prime Titanic have either crashed or fallen to government control. The government is having to bail these companies out of bankruptcy in order to avoid the alternative, which could very well be a total stock market meltdown. At the same time, oil refineries were barely touched during Hurricane Ike, but the oil barons are still allowing gas prices to remain unreasonably high right now because profits are sweet. Even as prices per barrel are falling, gas prices at the pump are not. Winter is coming, energy supplies are low and houses are now being repossessed like cars, as more and more people default on mortgage payments. And the economy lost 80k jobs in August.

It simply makes no sense how crazy everything is, yet we're seriously entertaining the debate on whether or not a Republikkkan belongs in the White House again.


Here's what Senator John McCain has said all year about the U.S. economy:




Here's Senator Barack Obama's speech today from Golden, CO:



And here's what his running mate said:




I'm not saying that Obama has all the answers, but he certainly seems to be ready to deal with the problem more aggressively. It's good to see that the guy is finding his formula as it relates to the message of his campaign. I won't lie; that "hope" and "change" rhetoric was starting to sound more like a pep rally speech than a plan. Specifics on issues are always a good idea. It is wack that it takes such odious national conditions to get people to see that there is a clear cut difference between the Democratic and GOP tickets.

I'm voting Obama-Biden because I don't want to live in a welfare state.

BEFORE I FORGET...

Today was the day that the towers fell. Hope you spent it in reverence of the fallen heroes who never meant to be eulogized when they left their homes for work on this day seven years ago. If only GWB would have listened to the advice of Condoleeza Rice. We wouldn't have lost two giants of the Manhattan skyline and thousands of great women and men on a day that has become a Republikkkan reminder of the fear that we should have as Americans. Remember, "they hate freedom." Translation: Nobody's safe as long as a Republikkkan is in office.

Let me chill and take a moment to show some respect. I hope that as you do the same, you'll take a moment to understand that it never had to happen. And then, take a moment to decide what you're going to do about it, as opposed to what some people would like you to think are your options in this situation. Are you voting in November? Are you encouraging others? Are you afraid of change? Shouldn't you be afraid of the status quo? You decide.

R.I.P. to the unknown true amount of deceased human beings who died unnecessarily because of a president's failure to secure our skies.

HYPHY IS SCREWED

The news is that Bay Area rap star Mistah F.A.B. is "BEEFING" with the local Oakland Hip-Hop station, KMEL-FM. This is just another chain of events that sparked the creation of this new post, oh my brothers and sisters. Let's investigate the phenomenon of drug-promoting music and its accompanying culture as they relate to specific places on the American map.

Whether I'm a big fan of "Hyphy" music or not, you've gotta admit that it's dead, at least outside of Oakland's ungerground rap scene. As long as we're being honest here (and I don't know why we wouldn't be), most regional sounds that were sold as the next big things a few years ago are all dead.

I mean, look at "Screwed" music, and compare it to what happened with Hyphy. Both of these subgenres of Hip-Hop have been in existence long before some rich white dude decided to cut a mainstream check and put them both on. Representing Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee, I can attest to the fact that I've been hearing screwed mixtapes for close to fifteen years via cousins that visited Texas in the summer. It's nowhere near new. But what was new a few years ago was when Houston rappers Mike Jones, Chamillionaire, Paul Wall, Slim Thug and others started getting major record deals, one after another, all on the strength of a combined 12-month run of consecutive songs - all of which broke the local mold and went from regional to national recognition.

I admit, I was as proud as anybody else from the south that another state was finally getting its just due, as it were. But I also admit this: Screwed music sucks.





I never understood why people liked listening to rap songs that had been "screwed and chopped." Every time I've been forced to listen to any Screwed song for more than 15 seconds, it's always been depressing, sleep-inducing, boring and just... slow. Too damned slow. That shit would drive me to the depths of insanity if I ever got nabbed by terrorists and told that I'd be tortured with a 24-hour private Screwed and Chopped listening session if I don't snitch. I'd confess to all types of shit I've never even thought about doing to get out of that one. And I'd say that Gangsta Rap made me do it.


Once Screwed music got outside of its natural habitat, it was a wrap, because, like Hyphy, it was built upon pillars of salt, or should I say "snow." You can't expect a whole nation to become localized to your city unless the music is that good. Country music comes from Nashville, Bounce music and of course Jazz both come from New Orleans and The Blues were born in the Mississippi Delta. They all spread throughout their regions to national and worldwide ears, but there is a distinct difference: These subcultures are build around actual rhythms, beats, sounds, harmonies and melodies. Without great songs and plenty of great artists down for the artistic cause itself, it just doesn't happen. It's gotta be about the artform more than the afterparty, and both had better be better than anything experience previously if you expect the story to spread. And I'm not saying that Miles, Dizzy and Bird weren't getting loaded on the daily, because we all know how that story goes. But they were still great musicians.

Every city has it's own style that can't (and maybe shoudn't) be made global, especially when you add in the quietly kept secret that - gasp! - Screwed and Hyphy music are both really about doing massive amounts of drugs and being proud enough to sing and dance about it, out loud.

Compare and contrast: As the soundtrack to the lifestyle of codeine and promethazine abusers, Screwed Music was made for Texans who sip "syrup", the mixture of the two drugs combined with Sprite, Big Red soda or any other sweet, carbonated ghetto beverage. Rap artists, taking cues from the "slab rider" culture of Houston, drink it in public and continue to make songs glorifying its consumption, even after it killed one of its most famous rappers - Pimp C.




In Oakland, Hyphy was created as the musical companion to taking Ecstacy pills or "beans", and the subsequent erratic speech, dancing and general behavior. To be high on E-pills, therefore, was to be "hyphy." Some of the Hyphy stuff I heard was nowhere near wack, but it was always a bit too crunk for my blood. And you've gotta be high to want to do some SHIT LIKE THIS. "Go dumb," indeed...





I've pretty much held the same stance against Hyphy since I figured out what it was about. You can't have any type of positive message in a type of music that outright encourages drug use. Now before you even try it ("But what about Gangster Rap?"), I would argue that the social commentary that exists in the Thug Life style of Hip-Hop is necessary to show that people are economically suffering to the point that they would risk their lives and others' to make a dollar. So they pick up a gun and do horrible things.

I've always felt that if you make the terror of the gangster lifestyle look as ugly as it really is, you will save some people from ever wanting to enter it, even if you attract those who would wanted to be gangsters anyway. I never wanted to be a gangbanger after listening to N.W.A. - not once. But it was cool to hear their stories, accentuated by gun shots, excessive swearing and less-than-romantic ideas about women. To me, it's the same as watching No Country for Old Men; it's crazy, entertaining as hell and a great piece of art, even though it's gruesome to the point that I wouldn't have wanted to be in any character's shoes in real life.

The only way I'm convinced that a person can have any positive influence from Hyphy or Screwed music would be to suffer a complete meltdown, go through intensive rehabilitation and emerge from the ashes of doom like the Phoenix. Either that, or the artist just overdoses and dies, causing enough grief from fans and guilt in the hearts of close associates to spark a movement of sobriety, removing all the momentum from the power of the drugs and placing it back in the hands of the people to create things that don't cause mental damage and self-genocide.



It's my theory that the reason why TEXAS MIGHT BE DEAD and HYPHY IS REALLY DEAD is because you can't mix narcotics with your music and expect everyone to follow mindlessly forever like the living dead. Eventually, people wake up and realize they've been drugged. And then what?


But I can't front; THIS SONG is still dope. But if you listen closely, it's not all happy. Just listen to the chorus...

T.O.C. #43: THUG MOTIVATION

Young Jeezy's album dropped this week. I haven't reviewed it, because I've only heard half. But the half I heard was great. I will say that I'm very happy that the Corporate Thug publicly announced that we was registering to vote for the first time in his life (he's 31) and HELD A VOTER REGISTRATION DRIVE at Justin's this past Thursday. I'm usually half and half on Jeezy when it comes to albums, depending what day of the week we're talking about, but with album that Hits Magazine is projecting will sell 250k units before next Tuesday and his own steady but calm support for Senator Barack Obama, I have to say that Jeezy definitely earned another 12 months in the limelight.




A key thing that I would remind any supporters of Obama right now is that none of the nonsense matters. All that matters is that people vote for him on November 4th. And in order to do that, people must register to vote by the first week in October. If you are not registered, you have 30 days. HERE'S A LINK TO FIND OUT MORE INFORMATION. Pass it on.


Oh, and if you're starting to worry about Palin, maybe you shouldn't have watched her speech, I guess. I'm over it like I was never under it - the spell, that is. The sooner that the rest of us stop talking about her, the more they're going to have to come up with something real for her to say. Right now, their running off hype, and it'll continue as long as people gossip, which means she could ride a wave of distraction straight into the White House. And we'll all be looking stupid as hell for letting them get away with it.

Therefore, unless she makes any real statement that has to do with keeping the actual citizens of country from being any worse off economically, I have no interest in covering or speaking about her. Remember, this race is not about her, anyway. Besides, this is the first of many fights for which Senator Joe Biden was hired. That, of course, does not mean I won't shoot an occasional jab at the Republikkkan ticket as a whole; I just don't see a reason to give her attention when the issues are much bigger than her and her family.

More good energy for you is at the bottom. Take it and run with it to your nearest voter registration office or website. And don't let anything keep you from having your name on the roster if you're legally able to cast a ballot. We've only got one turn to get this right.

T.O.C. # 42: HATE ON ME, HATER

TODAY:


Senator Barack Obama announced that he has raised $10 million since Governor Sarah Palin's speech at the GOP Death Festival yesterday, from approximately 130k+ donors. Yes, that's in less than one day.

The Republican National Committee announced earlier Thursday, at mid-afternoon, that it had raised well in excess of $1 million since Palin's speech. Republicans expect Palin to mobilize their donors. But the Obama camp promptly used the speech as a fundraising hook, sending an overnight e-mail to supporters to contribute.

McCain can no longer raise private donations for his campaign because he has decided to accept $85 million in public financing for the fall campaign.

SOURCE: SALON

And he finally made a comment about Palin that acknowledges that she is alive.




It's good to see the senator staying busy through this nonsense. I'm getting back to my book. If anyone sees anything interesting or worth mentioning at the RNC, drop a comment in the box. But again, I advise you to ignore this brainwashing craziness. Overstand that mental poison is even worse than drugs. Word to Nas.

How about some Jill Scott instead?

T.O.C. # 41: You Can't Be Serious

TODAY:


I am almost outraged that people who know that the Republikkkans are evil are actually watching the Republikkkan convention. I didn't have to see Governor Palin's speech and the obviously ensuing applause and cheerful reception to know that it was going to be a festival of lies, manipulation and deception. For God's sake; Bush is a Republikkkan. And if you thought that the party of Bush, Reagan and Nixon was really going to change face this late in the game and start being responsible for the rest of the civilized world, which they've already severely fucked up, then I wish you the best in life, because you're obviously not ready to face the reality of the world. Or, just kill yourself, which I'd wholeheartedly suggest to you lame ideological idiots.

I pity the fool.




And now, I will bring you back to reality, and back to the true purpose of this crusade. Senator Barack Obama is still killing the racist propaganda that comes from the GOP. And he's doing it with class, grace and style. If you think I'm just selling wolf tickets, CLICK HERE. And remember, I'll even admit on a sunny day for Democrats that poll numbers mean Nathan. But if poll numbers come up positive when they're not supposed to, like, for a black Democratic Party POTUS nominee, during the GOP convention... well, let's just assume that the numbers are still underestimated, because they're never going to let us know just how far ahead we really are. If you're down with the clowns, you don't have to be afraid that the Obama/Biden ticket is actually winning, if that scares you. Just sleep through the nightmare and wake up in eight years. But don't fight the tide if you're lost at sea.





And that's all for tonight. But if you really need anything else, let me just say that I'm still amazed because I can now comfortably believe that we're actually going to win this thing. And it's all because the GOP fell victim to its own fuckery.



[That's just so you scaredy-cat Democrats and Independents will calm the eff down and relax. We've got a great candidate, and all that's stopping him from advancing is YOU.]



I'd like to say, "Big ups and infinite thanks," to Governor Sarah Palin, the most unqualified VP candidate in history, for helping the villainous Republikkkans to throw this election into the trash. Yes, Joe Biden is going to thrash this whole phuckphest in the debates. And it's not only going to be ugly; it's going to be funny. Mark my words.

T.O.C. #40 - Racist Alabama Rednecks and Obama's Late N*gger Father

[Young Obama]


TODAY:

Everyone that wears the color red and likes elephants was busy trying to spin the ridiculousness that is Governor Sarah Palin into a fairy tale story. And in such red states as Alabama, my "sweet home", I'm sure that there were thousands of others who were doing their best to turn salt into sugar.





Before you even ask axe, hell no, I'm not watching the Republikkkan convention. I'd rather watch Fox News for a whole year than see a concentrated version of lies, manipulation and race-baiting, put on by the same people who are responsible for this sad state of the union we are now living through. And I rather you killed me, had me cremated, pissed in my urn and served it after the funeral to my family as lemonade than to watch Fox News for even a whole day. So there's your answer to how I think the GOP is doing this week.





See, ever since the Republikkkans had their hoe card pulled by a bluff from God called "Hurricane Gustav", they've been scrambling all over the television news in a desperate collective attempt at pulling their skirts back down. They know that Palin is bad news, and they'd have to believe that we are all idiots (which, of course, they do) if they really think we believe that this woman is the best person to replace Senator John McCain if he croaks on the job. God forbid that that happens (hell, God forbid he wins...), but having Palin as safety net is worse than using pantyhose to break a 10k foot fall from the sky. Maybe even thinner. Not an exercise of good judgment.

As you know, Governor Palin's daughter GAVE UP THE DRAWS AND GOT KNOCKED UP. Senator Barack Obama, the next POTUS, made a formal announcement that "family is off limits." Not only was this statement an excellent political move, as it keeps him on the news during the GOP convention, but it showed his human element. That is, Obama is showing that he would do unto others as he would have them do unto him. Remember when they were tripping on Michelle? Well, now Michelle is off limits, just like the "experience" argument evaporated once Palin became the official VP nominee for the dead elephants. I swear, this Palin lady is killing every weapon that the GOP had against Obama.





So today, as I was checking my email and the daily news online at a place called STIR CRAZY in Birmingham, Alabama, I was caught totally off-guard when I heard one of the most random racist rants I've heard recently. I'm sure you're already thinking to yourself, "Come on, Mike. You were in Alabama! What did you expect?" Well, I didn't expect for a large white man to blurt out loud, in what I guess was his response to the media's sharking of Palin's personal family problems:

"Obama had a white mama, and his daddy was a nigger!"





On a day that my own blog started with Marcus Garvey, School Daze and a hanging Klansman, what else could I have expected? For the record, I was shocked out of my mind. Contrary to popular belief, that kind of public outburst or display does not happen in Alabama often; they save that shit for the backwoods Klan meetings usually, and they still whisper. But yeah, I was stuck, trying to decide whether or not I'd really heard what I heard. And it's funny that the only other black person that was there earlier had just left before the white guy went Kramer with the loud N-bomb. I guess, because I was sitting in a corner with my back turned to the other customers, the guy didn't see me and thought he was safe to return to his racist comfort zone, back in the old boys club. And he never acknowledged me afterwards, although his ladyfriend kept looking at me nervously as I went near their places at the bar to order a Long Island and to give them a heads-up that there was still a nigger in attendance.

The other customers made no eye contact with me. The bartender, whose name is also Mike, was trying to look as if he had been too busy to hear what was said. A guy who smelled like rancid ham - who was actually a cool guy - kind of made himself busy at the pool table. These people were both speaking to me when I entered, and now they looked ashamed to be in my range of vision. Weirdness...

After conferring with my colleague MAURICE GARLAND via Twitter, I realized that the best move was to exit before I said something that got me jumped by said redneck and maybe 6 other worthless elephant man-looking goons, because that would have only resulted in me returning to the bar with a dozen or so friends who live nearby and setting the place on fire. Did I just say that? Just kidding.

So what is the moral of this story? Well, let's just say that when Republikkkans get nervous, they get desperate. They revert back to the way they really are without the cloak of invisibility that covers their red necks and fat, elephant asses. Once the shield is removed, they say anything they want, and I can't blame them. If this is how they plan to respond to the fact that Governor Palin is a horrible candidate, then I feel sorry for them. They can call me and every other black person in the world a nigger, and it won't make Palin a good mother. They can shout about the fact that Senator Obama was born to an 18-year old mother, and it still won't kill his credentials. They can piss me off, but they can't control my temper, even if I don't lose it. And no, Alabama isn't really that bad, but racism exists everywhere, and shows up when you least expect it. That's what I've learned - never be surprised by it.

You know how you know you're on the winning side? When the other side gets angry. Oh, and plus they were all musty as hell. At least us "niggers" believe in good hygiene and don't use toilet seats as horseshoes.




"Home is where the hatred is..."
- Gil Scott Heron

T.O.C.: Day 39 - THE REPUBLIKKKAN "PARTY" IS DEAD

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