MODESTY IS DEAD: THE OBAMA CRUSADE CONTINUES

Pass the high-class mustard, oh my brothers and sisters. It has been announced that Senator John McCain, who believes that you aren't rich until you have $5 million, IS THE NUMBER 1 STUNNA WHEN IT COMES TO CARS.

Man, it's gotta be nice to be a Republikkkan. You know, once you sign your soul over to Satan, that your whip game will forever be proper. Not only that, but you probably get to drink Arnold Palmers after matches at your exclusive tennis club, while soaking in the steam down in the bathhouse sauna with the other good ol' boys, as you enjoy cigars and political opinions like your own. And after you've made it clear that you're of the same Confederate mind as your contemporaries, you hit the showers, change into an extra-crispy JoS. A. Banks outfit and head over to the pub for a pre-paid meal and a couple of Manhattans before you climb behind the wheel of one of your luxury automobiles - whichever one you drove that day.





Republikkkans have no idea that there's a recession going on. Not that they aren't hearing and seeing all the evidence for themselves, but they can't really be expected to believe that their favorite son, who is currently in charge, let this happen on his watch. Therefore, it didn't happen--that's how the GOP deals with today's economic climate. There is no recession, there is no stock market crisis and there is no problem in the housing sector. The fundamentals of our economy are strong, as long as they can't feel any difference in lifestyle.





I'm still astounded that McCain has managed to fool so many people. He's a member of the party that controls the White House, and while the Senate and House have technical Democratic majorities, neither house of Congress can make anything stick that Bush doesn't like, since all he has to do is push the Veto button. Without a true majority, there's no possilibity of a filibuster. But somehow, someway, people think that the Democrats are responsible for congressional failures. What they don't realize is that without that Democratic majority, things would be way worse. We should be glad they're in those seats, instead of complaining about what they haven't done yet. The Democrats holding down their elected positions are keeping McCain from buying 10 more cars while instituting the type of change that is contrary to what the men who wrote the U.S. Constitution intended. Sure, he supports alternative fuel choices for cars, but he lets his daughter buy a foreign whip?




The only change you can expect from him would be a final stake in the heart of womens' and civil rights, as he ultimately stacks another two right-wingers on top of the Supreme Court. You want to talk about change? What if McCain rolls up to the Capitol in a Rolls-Royce for his first State of the Union address and says the following:

Dear Bitches:

You are no longer free. We are now in the first phase of "Country First", my new plan of action as President. Your government now has the exclusive right to make decisions regarding your body. But congratulations; you now have the irrevocable right to life! Nobody but us, your government, can take that away from you! By the way, we might call for a draft; you know, we still do have that 100-year war that we're going to fight against, uh... Asia? Venezuela? Was it... Africa? Oh yeah, Iran!! Whatever, wherever... When we call for you to die for your country, we expect you to exercise your right to... um... choose? Wait, scratch that last thing I said. Let's just keep it real: either you fight for us when we say or you get the electric chair. And I got five friends in black robes that say I'm the man, so I bet you won't trip.

That's all for now, but don't forget to come through next weekend for the 1st Annual Johnny Mac Car & Bike Show, featuring Cindy and Sarah's wet t-shirt competition, a free Mexican buffet and a live reggaeton/kickboxing performance by Daddy Yankee and Chuck Norris! We changed the game on these hoes!!

Oh, by the way, Senator Barack Obama has one car: a Ford Escape hybrid. American made and forward-thinking on energy and oil. Change we can see, starting at the top of the ticket.




The better question might be, what the hell does McCain need 13 cars for, anyway? When's the last time he took a driver's exam? I sure as hell don't want him driving ahead, behind or onside of my car; you know how those geezers drive. After he loses the election, I can only think of one type of car he needs to be driving. And yes, it's made for retirement.