BIPARTISANSHIP IS DEAD

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COMEDY IS DEAD: CHRIS ROCK RETURNS TO THE STAGE

I saw this guy at the Essence Festival in July, and all I can say is that he deserves his place on top of the black comics' game. There are funny comedians, hilarious comedians, wack comedians, dead comedians, missing comedians like Dave Chappelle, rising comedians like Katt Williams, and then there's the Rock.





What makes Chris Rock a great comedian is his diverse intelligence. He goes over a lot of ground in his live show, and even though his material has become much more vulgar, it has simultaneously become smarter and more worldly. Rock has become better with time, because he has not allowed himself to got the route of Eddie "I'm too busy with these wack-ass movies" Murphy, who he has always called one of his comedic mentors. But we all know that Eddie's shine has been supplanted by Chris's tenacity and consistency. Both men have selected or accepted some very suspect roles in some very dumb movies, but Rock has turned down the check to his own reputation's advantage. Eddie is just taking the check and showing the same cheesy, coony smile every time he shows his mug around Hollywood. And to think, Eddie used to be the funniest guy in the world...



Now, the poor guy is just a lost multi-millionaire, with a love child owned by Scary Spice, a recent snub at the Oscars and Johnny Gill as his last, best friend that he can trust to do anything for him if asked axed. What the hell happened to Arsenio? He would have never let his former BFF do a movie this lame...



All I know is that of all the funnymen out there who do their jobs by making people with senses of humor actually exercise their intellects, Rock is among the very best that existed. As a black comic, he dances across the fine line of telling the ugly truth and making it loveable, like a common pain that we all feel and have learned to live through together. He'll be in the history books if he keeps it up.

So watch his show if you have HBO. It's on right now if you're on the east coast; it plays at 10pm if you're on the Pacific side. Trust me.

CHESTER IS ALIVE

Tony Alamo, a man of the cloth, has been watching too much Sesame Street, it seems; thus, his career as an epostle of the Lawd IS OFFICIALLY DEAD. He has been arrested for being a weird pervert, but this is far from the first time. Alamo was convicted of tax-related charges in 1994 and given a four-year prison sentence, after the IRS claimed that he owed $7.9 million to the government. Prosecutors argued during the trial that he was a flight risk, a polygamist and a weirdo, who not only prayed for forgiveness but also preyed on married women and young girls in his flock.





According to his beliefs and theology, a woman is ready to marry at the point of puberty. It says so in the bible, according to whatever chapter he's read. He and his now deceased wife Susan founded a Christian ministry in 1969. When she died in 1982, he KEPT HER IN THE BASEMENT, asking his followers to pray over her displayed body so that she would rise like Lazarus. Wow.





This most recent arrest occurred at the hands of the F.B.I., at his cult compound in Arkansas five days after his 74th birthday:

On September 20, 2008, federal and state investigative agents raided the Arkansas headquarters of the ministry as part of a child pornography investigation. This investigation involved allegations of physical abuse, sexual abuse and allegations of polygamy and underage marriage. According to Terry Purvis, mayor of Fouke, Arkansas, his office has received complaints from former ministry members about allegations of child abuse, sexual abuse and polygamy since the ministry established itself in the area. In turn, Purvis turned over information about the allegations to the FBI. Alamo denied the child abuse allegations. On September 25, 2008, Alamo was arrested by Arizona police and FBI agents in Flagstaff, Arizona on charges that he transported minors over state lines for sexual activity in violation of the Mann Act.

SOURCE: WIKIPEDIA

Here's a video of how Alamo, pronounced "A-Lame-O" by the Fox News personality interviewing him, believes that the Lawd will deliver him from the wickedness of the world, and how women shouldn't yap their stupid mouths off.





Jesus, what evil hath men done in thy name? R.Kelly wears Jesus pieces on the regular, and he pees on any pre-pubescent Punky Brewster he pleases. Nobody complains, and his star stock actually rises. He can even get on TV and come across as Chesterly as ever, taking no responsibility for anything he may have done while asking heaven for a hug.





But that's still not enough. Did you know he started a business selling sequined denim jackets under his own name, and his failure to report his revenues to the IRS would land him in prison for tax evasion? I mean, what kind of pervert makes his living selling stonewashed and airbrushed denim? No wonder he was ashamed of claiming his earnings.





Catholic priests have been fondling a lot more than their own balls and bibles, oh my brothers and sisters. Some, it seems, may secretly use their Rosary beads on themselves, if you follow. Then you have the whole "gay marriage" debate, which in my opinion is not worthy of any debate. Civil unions are just fine with me, but marriage is and should always be used for lovers of the opposite sex. This is not a religious issue; it's a natural one. I thought that one of the major reasons to get married was so that your child would not have to go through life with the title of "illegitimate." But now that's all dead, and the children are going to be raised by couples made of husbands and wives that can ask axe each other, "How's it hanging, honey?" How do all of the fatherless bastards of today feel about this, I wonder?





This is what happens when we condemn sex as an ungodly act. Not only do people go underground with their weirdness and freaky ambitions, but the criminals become the equals of people who aren't even committing crimes. I just hope that the true believers out there take this as a message and start getting serious about cleaning up their churches--from the inside out. Nolo.

I wonder who's gonna be next?

SORRY - MY INTERNET WAS DEAD

Please don't mind my absence. I've missed updating the blog more than you know. The only problem is that I've recently moved, and I have no internet connection at the new spot. So I'm having to hit various places and post new content whenever I can, and this week has been especially hectic when it comes to free time.

Anyway, forget all of that. Excuses are like pee-holes. Just so you know, I'm going to be getting it on tonight when it comes to the blog, because I feel like I've been wrong by not updating like I'm 'posed to. Thanks for bearing with your boy through my bear market of blogging. I'm still negotiating, but the bailout is coming soon; I promise. Until then, just watch TV or something. Matter of fact, THE DEBATES ARE ON TONIGHT @ 9PM EST!!

I'm going to put something up very soon. Preshate the patience, and at the same time, you're all welcome.

BIRTHDAYS ARE DEAD

If you know somebody that's a Libra, give them a pound today. Michael Jordan, otherwise known as THE BEST WRITER ALIVE, is celebrating a birthday today, oh my brothers and sisters. In memoriam of his dead Myspace blog and the success of this weird, savage undertaking that you are now reading, he decided to post one for nostalgia's sake. I mean, KANYE WEST might be reading it, or at least some great writers from around the globe. Might as well flex some mental muscle from MJ's Think Tank.

This one was called "The Birthday Blog." It was posted two years ago on Tom's Rupert's social networking site. Since we're two years past, I went ahead and updated it for flow and maturity. Enjoy it like it's the last blog you'll ever read.



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THE BIRTHDAY BLOG





As hard as I tried not to do this, I broke down 30 seconds ago and decided to write a blog on my birthday. My honest intention was to just clog the Bulletin Board with announcements and irritate people the way they do me everyday. I figured this one time it was for a good cause; those bastards never mind asking me to "CLICK HERE TO SEE MY TITS!", so I don't mind telling everybody that I was born 100 years ago today. At least that's what my profile should say if it's working. How old am I really? Well, I'll admit to being old enough to have finished college (which I haven't), old enough to have put 10 years in the music/media business, wise enough to know that kicking a dead horse won't make it trot and young enough to get carded faithfully when ordering a drink.


Some of the things I've learned thus far are listed below, in no particular order:


- Family is most important. True friends are family, and everyone else is an outsider.

- Women will get you killed.

- The truth is a joke. Try telling a Republican that they're ruining the world. I bet they laugh.

- Never plan your day around someone else's schedule. I've been telling myself that for 12 years, and it's finally kicked in, giving me the ability to feel great about being self-centered and to stop worrying about anyone else's actions.

- You don't necessarily have to put God first. He/She is first anyway, and you're going to figure it out the hard way unless you embrace the grand reality of life.

- I'm the best writer alive. And yes, I mean it.

- Some people never change, for better or worse.

- With the exception of what we call "Kush", Drugs are Bad. Mmkay?

- Most people don't read. They just look at the paper and criticize the pictures.

- You can't work for someone who can't pay you.

- Politics are important, because if you have to put up with liars, you have to pick the ones who are most sincere.

- For some reason, Black people are a threat. Don't ask me why.

- The music industry doesn't exist, like the Mafia or the illuminati.

- Sex cures anything. Except STDs.

- Having musical talent can and will save your life.

- Gossipping men are most likely perpetual masturbators. Eventually they run out of friends and sympathizers.

- Celebrity Blogs are like right-wing radio: destroying our collective conscience day after day after day...

- By the time you read this, I'll be tipsy off some high quality red wine. Spoil yourself; no one else will.

- You have to find something to live for before you start considering what you'd die for.

- Capitalism has good and bad points, but it's still a better system than anything other current model.

- People think that love is about sacrifice, but it doesn't have to be. It could simply and purely be about love, if you think about it.

- Grudges will get you nowhere, but not all things should be forgiven easily.

- You can't compete with someone who doesn't see you as competition.

- There are some moments, people and incidents that you never get over. In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets.


AND STILL MOST IMPORTANT...

- I'm Free.

MODESTY IS DEAD: THE OBAMA CRUSADE CONTINUES

Pass the high-class mustard, oh my brothers and sisters. It has been announced that Senator John McCain, who believes that you aren't rich until you have $5 million, IS THE NUMBER 1 STUNNA WHEN IT COMES TO CARS.

Man, it's gotta be nice to be a Republikkkan. You know, once you sign your soul over to Satan, that your whip game will forever be proper. Not only that, but you probably get to drink Arnold Palmers after matches at your exclusive tennis club, while soaking in the steam down in the bathhouse sauna with the other good ol' boys, as you enjoy cigars and political opinions like your own. And after you've made it clear that you're of the same Confederate mind as your contemporaries, you hit the showers, change into an extra-crispy JoS. A. Banks outfit and head over to the pub for a pre-paid meal and a couple of Manhattans before you climb behind the wheel of one of your luxury automobiles - whichever one you drove that day.





Republikkkans have no idea that there's a recession going on. Not that they aren't hearing and seeing all the evidence for themselves, but they can't really be expected to believe that their favorite son, who is currently in charge, let this happen on his watch. Therefore, it didn't happen--that's how the GOP deals with today's economic climate. There is no recession, there is no stock market crisis and there is no problem in the housing sector. The fundamentals of our economy are strong, as long as they can't feel any difference in lifestyle.





I'm still astounded that McCain has managed to fool so many people. He's a member of the party that controls the White House, and while the Senate and House have technical Democratic majorities, neither house of Congress can make anything stick that Bush doesn't like, since all he has to do is push the Veto button. Without a true majority, there's no possilibity of a filibuster. But somehow, someway, people think that the Democrats are responsible for congressional failures. What they don't realize is that without that Democratic majority, things would be way worse. We should be glad they're in those seats, instead of complaining about what they haven't done yet. The Democrats holding down their elected positions are keeping McCain from buying 10 more cars while instituting the type of change that is contrary to what the men who wrote the U.S. Constitution intended. Sure, he supports alternative fuel choices for cars, but he lets his daughter buy a foreign whip?




The only change you can expect from him would be a final stake in the heart of womens' and civil rights, as he ultimately stacks another two right-wingers on top of the Supreme Court. You want to talk about change? What if McCain rolls up to the Capitol in a Rolls-Royce for his first State of the Union address and says the following:

Dear Bitches:

You are no longer free. We are now in the first phase of "Country First", my new plan of action as President. Your government now has the exclusive right to make decisions regarding your body. But congratulations; you now have the irrevocable right to life! Nobody but us, your government, can take that away from you! By the way, we might call for a draft; you know, we still do have that 100-year war that we're going to fight against, uh... Asia? Venezuela? Was it... Africa? Oh yeah, Iran!! Whatever, wherever... When we call for you to die for your country, we expect you to exercise your right to... um... choose? Wait, scratch that last thing I said. Let's just keep it real: either you fight for us when we say or you get the electric chair. And I got five friends in black robes that say I'm the man, so I bet you won't trip.

That's all for now, but don't forget to come through next weekend for the 1st Annual Johnny Mac Car & Bike Show, featuring Cindy and Sarah's wet t-shirt competition, a free Mexican buffet and a live reggaeton/kickboxing performance by Daddy Yankee and Chuck Norris! We changed the game on these hoes!!

Oh, by the way, Senator Barack Obama has one car: a Ford Escape hybrid. American made and forward-thinking on energy and oil. Change we can see, starting at the top of the ticket.




The better question might be, what the hell does McCain need 13 cars for, anyway? When's the last time he took a driver's exam? I sure as hell don't want him driving ahead, behind or onside of my car; you know how those geezers drive. After he loses the election, I can only think of one type of car he needs to be driving. And yes, it's made for retirement.

HIP-HOP SURVIVES

Wow. And to think, I was just telling everyone a week ago that the new Travis Barker/DJ-AM mixtape, FIX YOUR FACE, is my current favorite CD for the house. By some incredible stroke of luck or gift from God, both men SURVIVED a plane crash yesterday. I was so blown away that I didn't even want to post it, because it seemed like a story out of a graphic novel. It's crazy to think that they could have easily died in the crash, like the other four passengers, R.I.P. Seriously; wow.



Did the Hip-Hop angels intervene? Were they rewarded with their lives because both men represent the ongoing effort to use Hip-Hop culture as a means to a unified end? Did their recent musical effort justify the allowance of their lives? I think so, oh my brothers and sisters, but don't misunderstand that assume that I'm saying that the other four deserved death because they didn't drop a mixtape last month. I just believe that these two are obviously important to the world. And I think that somebody upstairs realized that they needed to be here, like Kanye, after his crash, or 50 Cent and The Game, after being shot.





Think about it. Hip-Hop is survival music. It exists to strengthen the minds of those who will not only listen but actually hear the message of death defiance. Now, nobody can say that they don't know the struggle of survival--sheeit; they both fell out of the sky and allegedly extinguished their own flames. Say whatever you will about the mixtape, but you can't convince me that Barker and AM don't have a purpose.





So with this post, I salute Travis Barker and DJ-AM, and I offer my condolences to the families of those who were lost in the tragic crash. So what they're white; they're also our brothers, and we should be giving thanks to God for their survival, because it symbolizes the entire culture's defiance in the face of what some would assume to be certain death.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE BOUNCES BACK FROM THE DEAD

[You've gotta agree: This dude is an orator of the highest order. When he shines, it's brilliant.]


TODAY:


After a horrible post-GOP performance, it seems that the dust is finally setting and Senator John McCain is going back to his position in the race, which is, of course, loser. THOSE GOOD OLD POLLS are swinging back towards the Democratic ticket. Most likely, if I had to guess, I'd say that dangling Governor Palin around for the female vote is finally starting to look like political prostitution, and McCain's bravado is slowly starting to smell like bullshit.

To say that I'm happy that Senator Barack Obama got his _____ back would not be sufficient. I was seriously starting to doubt the wisdom behind his campaign, because there is no excuse, even when playing it safely out of the way when the other team does something stupid, for a person running for POTUS to let his gloves down before the championship belt is secured, or you can get KTFO by a random right cross.

If you truly deserve something, and you know it, you'll fight for it if necessary. And I was always told that once you've been hit, you have the right to defend yourself. You can choose not to return fire--again, a personal choice--but until you respond forcefully or at least defend yourself, you are liable to be assaulted over and over until you just give up and walk away from the fight, embarassed and still being kicked and beaten as you stroll home to hide your face for a week or two.

Who wants that? Especially when the two fighers are horribly mismatched and there's no way that McCain could beat Obama at a debate? I'm not saying that Obama was quitting or giving up before this week, but it was becoming extremely disheartening to watch a champion seemingly throw the fight, especially when everyone knows that he can win, and it actually is possible, if he really, really, really wants it bad enough to go for it with everything in the bank.





I don't want to face November 5 without knowing that on this day and for the rest of the campaign, whether I cover it daily on this blog or not, I did what I thought was right and spoke what needed to be said. And if McCain wins by a landslide, I won't say anything. I won't protest and I won't whine. I'll keep working like I am today, because a McCain presidency would be no different from the current one.

But if it's close, and McCain wins by one of those Bush #43 margins, I'm going to be superpissed at Senator Obama, the Democratic Party and America, but I'll still get over it and I'll probably be content with writing my first magnum opus, depositing the check and comfortably fading into suburban life. Doesn't sound bad, huh?





Of course it does, when you consider that I could be getting ready to do the type of work that people do when they care about where they're going in life or what type of fuckery will happen to them if they sit on their asses and play satisfied. I hate just throwing out random Che Guevara information, because people don't even know why he was so influential. The guy actually worked, as in performed physical duties alongside the average Cuban men and women, at least one day a week, setting a precedent for others to join him in national service. Sure, it was kind of mandatory in a communist state, but leading by example is always better than leading by microphone, book or blog.





I'd rather be inspired by my POTUS to doing something important so that my kids, whenever they appear, don't inherit a world as dicked as the one I own today. McCain is not about to get his ass out in the community to do anything other than speak or kiss babies. Obama has already been in the field, where they say it's real. I want him to win, because it's going to take more than just his speeches to lead the country into rebuilding, redeveloping and reinventing ourselves on the world stage. It's going to take all of us, and I don't see John McCain making a significant number of people move, especially when he can barely lift his arms. Honestly, I say that with no disrespect intended, but the truth is just that fonky, oh my brothers and sisters.





So really, who cares if Obama is black, or not white, or neither and both at once? Do you really--seriously--want a strange ass woman and this septuagenarian to win, when they proclaim to be the embodiment of everything for which the GOP currently stands? How can things change if Bush isn't even interested in helping his former rival by showing a little more interest? That's how I know McCain won't win, because it's not even being properly setup. All signals point to change, and that's not a Republikkkan term, no matter how they try to steal it.

Enough for now. Gotta read a few chapters of the book and get some rest. Tomorrow, let's talk about this nasty BIDEN/CLINTON EXCHANGE RUMOR that I keep hearing, shall we? Personally, I don't buy it, but I do expect an October Surprise of some type.

Anyway, we'll deal with that bridge to nowhere when we cross it.

HOW TO KILL A COLD IN 24 HOURS

Nobody has time to get sick and take a day off anymore, espeically in this wack-ass economy. Today I had to go to traffic court in C(ount)O(n)B(eing)B(usted) County to pay a ridiculous speeding fine, race back home before noon to finish an article by deadline, pay two bills, collect one work check and return a "favor" of sorts to someone at my old job who tried to get away with something shady. I must say that even with the small financial loss, which can always be replaced, today was a 100% success as far as a daily checklist goes. And I did it all with a severely nasty allergy cold--the kind where you sneeze violently and uncontrollably out of nowhere and for no reason, with leaking eye sockets and nostrils, red corneas and pale skin. I felt like I was the color green all damn day.

I'm something of an accidental health nut, and with the exception of beer, I really don't get down with a lot of mainstream food that tends to affect one's body. The crazy thing is that it's usually by accident. For instance, I hate cheese, with the exception of mozzarella on pizza. I'll drink a milkshake every few months, but I don't dig the taste of milk. And I'll be damned if I eat anything made of cream, from mayo to ranch to alfredo sauce. Again, this is not about health; it's all taste and preference.

Either way, I still get quickie-sick for a day when the seasons start to change, every year, like clockwork. So here's how I get rid of the bug when it bites.


WATER: The Essential Ingredient


You're supposed to drink 8 glasses every day anyway, but if you really want to shake a quickie-sick cold, you've gotta flush your system and stay hydrated. Especially if you're going to have 1 or 2...


HOT TODDYS: The Fun Part


Mix hot tea, brown liquor (preferably Courvoisier, Crown Royal or Jack Daniels), honey and lemon in a big-ass coffee mug and drank that ish. Good times!


CHINESE FOOD: Tastes Good, Seems Healthy


You've gotta avoid the fried stuff and anything creamy, because like milk, it carries bacteria through your body and prolongs the recovery process. But Hot & Sour soup is always a winner. While you're at it, you might as well get a bottle of...


SAKE: The Asian Wino's Hot Toddy


Sometimes this stuff can be a bit much to bear, but when you can't breath you can't smell the vinegar, so it loses the funky stench and just tastes like sour hot wine. Which still isn't great, but it does wonders for the chest.


ACAI JUICE: Antioxidants Are Gangsta


I've always liked the term "free radical." It seems like something that I could call myself. But these FRs are not good to keep around, so stuff like pomegranate juice, blueberries, cherries, dark chocolate, green or white tea, green veggies and other "superfoods" will wash away the ugliness that may have been hiding out in your bloodstream.


JALAPENO PEPPERS: Man Up


Eucalyptus, mint and peppers are great ways to jumpstart your nasal passages and breathing patterns. I've tried those little Vicks inhalers that look like suppositories, but the look you receive when you put one in your nostril and sniff it is enough to make you ashamed of yourself when you've done nothing wrong. I rock with the vaporizing balm, although it does kinda feel like Crisco when applying it. Let your lady do the honors; you'd do the same for her, right?


MULTI VITAMINS: For Extra Kick


You don't have to go buy a bottle of Centrum or anything, but having Vitamin C and Zinc is essential to this thing. Orange Juice is great, and Vitamin Water is aiight, but a supplement in the form of a big-ass pill works wonders. Trust your homie.


CHLOR-TRIMETON: Because Drugs Can Be Good


When allergies are kicking your pale ass around the house, you need to be practical. When you've had it with snotty tissue and brain-blowing sneezes, even the most hardcore naturalist will surrender to pharmaceuticals. I can't do Benadryl for the same reason I won't drink "lean." If I want to sleep, I'll just lay down. Benadryl works and all, but the drowsy side effect takes your entire day away and renders your alarm clock useless the next day. Claritin isn't bad, but it takes forever. Which reminds me; even when you become impatient and see no immediate results...


THINK POSITIVELY: Don't Worry; Be Happy


Maybe you can't wish yourself better, but you certainly can't expect to recover when you lay around, suffering, whining and talking about how miserable you are, even if you are. My thing is to subconsciously repeat to myself, "It's almost gone." By the time I'm tired of repeating the line or just forget to remember it, I'm usually feeing better. Some Bob Marley will also help, but no smoking, if you can help it.


This life is yours, in sickness and health. There's no use in giving up 24 hours just because of a 24-hour bug. Keep your mind and spirit healthy, listen to some good Hip-Hop and follow all of my advice. You'll be better than you've ever been by the second day, or double your money back. Oh yeah, what money?

Just take the advice, fool. You don't have to do all of the above, but make sure you drink water and pick whatever other trick you think best suits your lifestyle. Exercise can't hurt either, I guess; you can just dance like the dude below. Just get healthy, and don't say I never tried to told ya something good. Think about it: if Hip-Hop is to continue to survive we've gotta live longer and better lives.




If I missed anything or you have any tips, send 'em on.

THE DUMP OF DEATH

The Dump of Death? | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

Shout out to "The Doo-Doo Man," who obviously has no self-respect that a check can't buy. I know I've made some mean and vicious deposits in the early part of this year, but nothing came close to feeling as if I were on the verge of losing my life. And is that really true about Elvis and ol' boy from The Bee Gees? Dag. R.I.P. to them, I guess.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: RESURRECTED?

Thank GOD! I was seriously - seriously - starting to get concerned, because this type of strategic attack took too long to happen, and it can't take this long again if Senator Barack Obama intends to win. But he did spit a classic line, and even if it wasn't a freestyle, it was certainly a Hip-Hop quotable:

“If you think those lobbyists are working day and night for John McCain just to put themselves out of business, well I’ve got a bridge to sell you up in Alaska.”

SOURCE: CNN

Get it? And if so, can I now start getting excited again about this campaign? Will we see more tenacious D from the Democrat from Illinois on the path to winning back The White House? Should I get crunk about the upcoming presidential debate next Friday?

Let's see what develops...

T.O.C: BALLING IS DEAD

It finally started to appear today that the Democratic nominee and his running mate are ready to take the fight to the GOP, courtesy of the average American citizen. Why? Because Wall Street suffered a stroke yesterday, and has been hemmoraging uncontrollably ever since the bleeding began. Just the truth--the economy is completely dicked.


A.I.G., Countrywide, IndyMac, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and the list goes on... All of the banks who fell for the housing bubble fiasco and tied their anchors to the sub-prime Titanic have either crashed or fallen to government control. The government is having to bail these companies out of bankruptcy in order to avoid the alternative, which could very well be a total stock market meltdown. At the same time, oil refineries were barely touched during Hurricane Ike, but the oil barons are still allowing gas prices to remain unreasonably high right now because profits are sweet. Even as prices per barrel are falling, gas prices at the pump are not. Winter is coming, energy supplies are low and houses are now being repossessed like cars, as more and more people default on mortgage payments. And the economy lost 80k jobs in August.

It simply makes no sense how crazy everything is, yet we're seriously entertaining the debate on whether or not a Republikkkan belongs in the White House again.


Here's what Senator John McCain has said all year about the U.S. economy:




Here's Senator Barack Obama's speech today from Golden, CO:



And here's what his running mate said:




I'm not saying that Obama has all the answers, but he certainly seems to be ready to deal with the problem more aggressively. It's good to see that the guy is finding his formula as it relates to the message of his campaign. I won't lie; that "hope" and "change" rhetoric was starting to sound more like a pep rally speech than a plan. Specifics on issues are always a good idea. It is wack that it takes such odious national conditions to get people to see that there is a clear cut difference between the Democratic and GOP tickets.

I'm voting Obama-Biden because I don't want to live in a welfare state.

BREAKING NEWS: ZAPP & ROGER ARE DEAD

Look, I respect Kanye West and all, and I respect your musical opinion, dear reader, but this song--"Love Lockdown?" Hell nope.

You might really like this song, but I can't dig it. Ask Axe me about any other song Kanye has produced and/or performed; I'll probably defend it as either great, good or misunderstood. This one is just weird, and seems similar to the news of Palin being picked for VP, not very well planned out and intended for shock value. And Ye's taking a huge risk by having the extremely-overused vocoder voice effect featured so prominently in yet another currently radio-friendly "rap" song. Speaking of which, where's the rap? Eff that, where's the beat?





See... this song is so suspect that 50 Cent, who is pretty much dead in terms of relevancy in the realm of Hip-Hop, can mock it onstage. And sadly, the song is weird enough that 50 just might be able to catapult himself back into relevancy just by calling it out for what it is and getting fans to think he's trustworthy again. To me, Kanye got on some Palin-esque shit with this song, trying to fool the public with something outlandish. The scary thing is that it just might work, judging by the dumbness of the Hip-Hop audience and its readiness to accept anything that a marquis artist puts out with the assistance of the vocoder effect. And trust me, these artists would put out anything if not for true fans who voice honest opinions when it comes to G.O.O.D. Music. N.P.I.

I expect more; I expect better. I expect Hip-Hop. And I'm starting to feel towards Kanye the same thing I felt after Jay-Z put out Kingdom Come--like I'd be defending a guilty party if I said that the product wasn't indeed wack, which it kinda was. As much as I hate to say it, 50 might have a point with his parody of "Love Lockdown", because he's showing us that he's the ultimate stan, willing to challenge the artist he ultimately admires by making a point about quality.

I'm not saying that 50 deserves attention with this bullshit stunt he's pulled. It's just another desperate move among his many other feats of P.R. fuckery, proving that he can't just make a hit record anymore; I'm no dummy. But tell the truth: "Love Lockdown" sucks. And if a brand new artist that wasn't named Kanye West dropped that song, you'd never even consider downloading it for free, much less buying it. Call it whatever you like, just don't call it Kanye's best or even a hit record. "Flashing Lights", on the other hand, was a hit record, in case you forgot, and it didn't even need any hype or Hip-Hop debate to push it further; it was just dope.





All criticism aside, I do think Kanye is the new Quincy Jones, and he will end up furthering Hip-Hop music on the cultural time continuum, regardless of this understandable blip of failure. Hell, even Q has thrown up a recent creative BRICK. At least he waited until he was an O.G. to do what he knew was all about fast $, instead of half-stepping with his talent so comparatively soon when you look at other career successes. Back when he was Ye's age, he was all about keeping it creatively classic instead of safeguarded by standards. In my opinion, Ye went extra left with "Love Lockdown", and it could go down as one of his great, unfinished, undefined masterpieces that sank soon after sailing off the shore, unless the remix is extra wavy. And who's he going to get, other than T-Pain and Lil' Wayne? This one is way too predictable.





Before you try to pull my hater card, just know that I am a fan of Kanye, just as I am a fan of Cam'ron and Senator Barack Obama. All three are bricking something awful right now, and it's hard to cheer when you're alone in the bleachers, waiting for the seemingly extinguished fire to show some sparks of life. But I'm not saying that the next Kanye single won't be fire. I'm just saying that it'd better be, or it's going to be a cold winter.

Kanye, as a fan and a critic, I'll let you call me two-faced if I can call your new song wack as fuck and a half-assed attempt to steal Zapp & Roger's trademark sound, like T-Pain has done, with updated voice technology. Here's a free tip for aspiring artists thinking that "the robot thingy" is the way to recording industry success: If you can't sing, don't. Pardon the harshness, but I've always believed that an artist's biggest fans have the right to be the biggest critics, because they're brutally honest.

TUPAC IS DEAD; THUG LIFE IS NOT

The Don Makaveli, a.k.a. Tupac Amaru Shakur, passed away twelve years and four days ago at 25 years of age, from still-unclaimed bullets in the streets of Las Vegas. We can't bring him back, yet we've continued to study his every move in life and death (and in the minds of some, his resurrection).

He said himself, in an interview with Vibe Magazine, "Thug Life to me is dead. If it's real, let somebody else represent it, because I'm tired of it. I represented it too much."





The man was a cult of personality, but he died way too early and for a cause that has still not quite been identified or taken up in a positive way--let's be honest. But the truth is even more tragic; it's 2008, and "Thug Life" lives on without it's founding father. Guns are still used for us, by us. Drugs are sold in similar fashion. Prison sentences await those who take either path, and boys remain boys as girls become women. Fathers are invisible, futures are bleak. Civil rights are revoked, voter registration fails. And tomorrow's soldiers remain stuck in the ageless trap of being righteous thugs.

Don't blame Tupac; blame our insistence on reincarnating the worst side of mankind through his name and image, over and over again. And the best way to avoid manufacturing more thugs for nationwide distribution, fueling the continuing state of mental, spiritual and financial poverty in the black community is to let the man rest in peace.

LITERATURE IS DEAD

David Foster Wallace, a great writer, IS REALLY DEAD. He wrote several books which were highly acclaimed and was considered a prodigy of literary undertakings. He was 46, married and a college professor. And he hung himself in his house this past Friday.


Great writers are mentally effed. I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE, and by God, I'll probably be proven right many more times before somebody says it about me--if I'm not already too late for that. But the genius-creative personality has always been something I've been drawn towards. For some reason, I could sense, by watching the video above, from where Wallace was trying to come with his thoughts. To be honest, I felt sorry for the person behind the tortured, beady eyes. You could tell that something was bothering him at the very moment that the cameras were rolling. His face and body language were sort of silently screaming, "But I'm being serious, people!" And then he shrugged and sank back into himself, realizing that people don't understand truth as much as they laugh at it.


What does this have to do with Hip-Hop, you ask axe? Well, Wallace once said that rap music was "quite possibly the most important stuff happening in American poetry today," [*] and he wrote a non-fiction book called Signifying Rappers: Rap and Race in the Urban Present, which if you didn't know is a NOD to the original gangsta rap pioneer Schoolly D.





I can dig this Wallace guy, and not just because he's dead. Moreso because he seemed to be on the same wavelength as me and other writers I respect and found success. That is, of course, pertaining to his ability to express his views with words, and not in his ability to hang himself. Some things I'd rather not know if I can accomplish, and killing myself is in that number.


YOU CAN READ an article, masterfully written by Wallace and published by the New York Times, about tennis champ Roger Federer OR check out a tribute written about him and see that dude was pretty official. R.I.P. to another great writer of the world, and knock another nail in the coffin of current creativity in its fearless form.


It's strange how this is always the type of subject that brings me out of hiatus. Hey, somebody's got to pick up the torch, I guess...


*SOURCE QUOTE: AMAZON.COM

DIG THIS: DJ A.M. & TRAVIS BARKER'S FIX YOUR FACE MIXTAPE

Been heavily distracted, but dare I say it's been for good reason and not just because my man Senator Barack Obama needs to check his nuts. New developments are forthcoming, oh my brothers and sisters. Will explain later. Stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, HERE'S A LINK to the mixtape I've been spinning for the past few days, while I was wild busy--in the superlative sense--with writing deadlines and avoiding the blogosphere. I can't lie, I was starting to feel like a lot of people were being brainwashed by "Love Lockdown" and Sarah Palin, so maybe it was time to take a week off to regenerate instead of trying to fight the tide. Word to Hurricane Ike.

On some real shite, if you're a writer, or even if you're just a person that identifies his or herself as such but can't really write at all, this mixtape is pretty dope. It's a good mood piece for when you have all types of deadlines and limited time to seek outside inspiration.

BEFORE I FORGET...

Today was the day that the towers fell. Hope you spent it in reverence of the fallen heroes who never meant to be eulogized when they left their homes for work on this day seven years ago. If only GWB would have listened to the advice of Condoleeza Rice. We wouldn't have lost two giants of the Manhattan skyline and thousands of great women and men on a day that has become a Republikkkan reminder of the fear that we should have as Americans. Remember, "they hate freedom." Translation: Nobody's safe as long as a Republikkkan is in office.

Let me chill and take a moment to show some respect. I hope that as you do the same, you'll take a moment to understand that it never had to happen. And then, take a moment to decide what you're going to do about it, as opposed to what some people would like you to think are your options in this situation. Are you voting in November? Are you encouraging others? Are you afraid of change? Shouldn't you be afraid of the status quo? You decide.

R.I.P. to the unknown true amount of deceased human beings who died unnecessarily because of a president's failure to secure our skies.

T.O.C. # 49 - Man Up, Obama!!

TODAY:

I'm just getting back into Atlanta and I haven't had much time to stop and write a blog between other commitments, but that's not the whole reason why I haven't been at it recently. I didn't feel like writing anything about Senator Barack Obama for the last few days, because this fool needs to get tougher, like immediately. The only way that the self-imposed cease-fire he's been observing since the DNC would make any sense to me is if he comes out tomorrow and says that it was all in respect to September 11, 2001.

"Dear America: Today, September 12th, is a new day. It's a day after the tragic day seven years ago, when we lost thousands of lives to a terrorist attack that never had to happen, if our president would have only taken the counsel of his security advisors to heart and mind. Unfortunately, he did not. Well, we're a lucky seven years past that tragic date that began the decline of our American way of life under Republikkkan rule, and I can say - without fear - that it's truly a new day in America--one that must begin with me saying that Senator John McCain is a liar and psychologically damaged war hawk who would let a person with the sketchiest resume in VP candidate history be next in line to run the country if he keels over in the Oval Office. Which is very possible. Eff that! This is my country! I'M going to win and I refuse to lose! Hoe!!"



[Obama needs me as a speechwriter. I'd rule.]


Unfortunately, as of right now, he's lacking that "uumph" that you need as a POTUS candidate, that is, if you plan on being the person with the codes to the "nuclear football." And right now, I'm not feeling the energy. And I'm pissed that the Republikkkans seem to believe that they have the momentum, because nobody's getting tough with them. I'm having nightmares of Michael Dukakis. Is my mind playin' tricks on me?



[The 1st Democrat to ever be "Bushwacked"]


They've stolen the "change" theme, they've lied about everything they could speak about in the last two weeks, and they've been on a constant mode of attack ever since they got 39 million morons to watch their convention--as if anyone needed to hear what they've got planned for the next 4-to-8 years. To me, it seemed like the whole O.J. Simpson book idea, where he says that he didn't kill Nicole but tells you how he would have done it. Again, I didn't watch any of the GOP's 4-day infomercial, so I have no idea how they got so many people so geeked up about their bullshite. All I know is that shite is pretty bad if Matt Damon is the realest man alive for this week, thus far. He summed up his idea of a McCain-Palin administration with the following condemning statement.





For now, the candidate I support needs to start returning fire like Matt Damon. A friend of mine made a great point the other day: if this were Hillary that were being attacked, she'd throw shots right back. I'm not saying that it's right or it belongs in politics, but it wins. And at this point, I'm more concerned with actually winning the White House than being classy and graceful during the campaign. There's way too much riding on this election for a candidate to play the MLK card and just let himself be stoned, beaten and shot down from his rightful place in history. No disrespect to the King. And no, the "controversial" statement below does not count...





Because he's really just biting something that McCain already said about Senator Hillary Clinton. There's nothing new about the "lipstick on a pig" diss in Republikkkan freestyle ciphers. It's like somebody using the incredibly overused rhyme scheme of gangster rap: "Bitches, hittin' these switches, snitches in ditches, clocking these riches." We've heard it before, so the thrill is gone. It's never as good as the first time, Barack. You can't be biting styles on the national stage...





Anyway, like I said, I need to see a fight, or I'm going to start feeling weird. And I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.