THE WEEK IN DOOM

I’m supposed to be writing a free biography for a very talented R&B artist, but first things first – meaning me. Just to remind you, I have certain emotions when it comes to DOING FREE SHIT.

But here’s where we are. This week, some important shit has happened. In case you’ve been missing it, here’s The List of The Doomed for the week of Juneteenth:


Iowa

That shit is extra-fonky-fucked up right now. If you haven’t noticed, “Natural Disaster” is the new normal. I don’t have to remind you about all the other weather problems we’re having as a planet. But the floods are still spreading; there’s a shitload (LITERALLY) of water all over the place, and since the Mississippi River is a river and not a pond, it could be a minute before they get that shit together. Note: you don’t have to read or listen to the news to know that shit is never correct when they publicly announce that it's fixed…

I would say that we should give to the Red Cross, but what the fuck did that do for Katrina victims? I say that we pray. Or actually drive across six miles of water with a hammer and some duct tape and help rebuild. Your choice.


G-Unit

I think it’s time for everyone to give up the façade of Curtis Jackson, at least here in America. How many albums can you expect an album to sell off of controversy and no quality? I know it worked for years, but everybody wakes up eventually - even us "niggas." I can’t remember the last G-Unit freestyle I gave a fuck about, and I check NY mixtapes all the time. Way more than most NY cats check underground southern music... Joell Ortiz deserved some of that G-Unit money if you ask axe me, Dr. Dre. But its your Interscope’s money. If everybody over there is happy, I’m thrilled.

But I’ll predict right now that G-Unit’s Terminate On Sight will be the official end of the ride for you 50 prick riders. It won’t come near a million, unless he drops a dope single before July. And when I say dope, I mean impossibly dope.

Because I simply can't condone Curtis taping a conversation with the idea that he could use it to discredit Young Buck if he ever tried to defect, which he is. I'm not posting Buck's diss song, because it's just not that good. But Curtis killed himself with this one. Sure, Buck cried and contradicted everything he's saying right now, but who knows how effed up his situation was when he tried to keep it 100 with Curtis? Now, he sees how shiesty this dude is, and how he's willing to go extra hard (NOLO) just to look like he's on top (NOLO).

CLICK HERE FOR THE AUDIO.



Hillary Clinton

Do I feel sorry for Mrs. Clinton? Not really. I mean, I look at things very carefully when it comes to news and politics. That’s because most of it is bullshit, but if you can sift through the doo-doo, you might be able to keep up with important developments as they relate to you and the rest of the world.

Hillary is stuck in the position of having to keep her word and work to elect Barack Obama for POTUS. We all know that this was not the original plan. And it’s not that hard to tell that she’d rather be scratching a yak’s balls (NOLO) than to be actively promoting the man that came from nowhere to take the nomination.

But since OBAMA IS OPENING A LEAD on Senator John McCain in Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania, it doesn’t look like he’ll need her as a V.P. Especially after he HIRED THE WOMAN HILLARY BLAMED for her campaign failure to help find a V.P. for him. Sorry Senator, it’s time to do what you promised to do regardless. The question is, “Are you still down for me now?”


THE S.U.V.

If you’re driving a Mercedes-Benz G 55, regardless of your income and need for attention and fame status, you're an idiot.

I heard some bullshit today on NPR about how it’s not smart to trade in your Hummer for a Prius. And there were all these scientific reasons and guest dickheads trying to explain the reasoning behind the theory. Hey, if you want to believe that a car that gets 50 miles per gallon is worse for your pockets than a truck that gets 15… well, do you. Don’t say I ain’t tried to told ya.


Haters/Racists/Dewshbags

As I expected, the wave of hate is subsiding as it relates to Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter III. Dude officially sold A Milli. Against all odds. The title stays in The South. Three weeks later, can we agree that a win is a win?

Hip-Hop is back. And it's back with undeniable sales numbers. Whether you don't dig Lil' Wayne or you do, you should be able to see that this will keep the media fascinated with our culture for years to come. Even if you're in it ultimately for the artform, you know we should be paid for this entertainment we're providing. Why not capitalize?

And again, Obama's winning without the Clinton machine.

You gotta love it. I mean, it’s only right.