10.21.2007

Nolo - Explained

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I made a comment on XXLMAG.com yesterday, on one of Bol's blogs. He's a definite asshole (nolo), whose blog always seems to penetrate the internets (nolo). But I like him (nolo), so I tend to dig what he has to offer (nolo).

By now, you should get the idea of the word "Nolo." It comes (nolo) from the Latin term "nolo contendre", meaning "no contest", and is used in the legal system as a way of avoiding directly implicating yourself in a crime. Which makes perfect sense if you think about it; the Miranda laws (when they still existed) told you that you had the right to remain silent, so you don't have to incriminate yourself. If you're repping for the homo thugs, you never have to expose yourself unless it's what you truly desire... The term is a great way to stay out of the whole process and just accept the fact that somebody has either said or done something wrong. But we ain't tripping, and you ain't gotta lie to kick it. If you're gay, you're gay. Since I'm not, I'm not. I don't contest your lifestyle, and you don't contest mine. No explanation necessary.

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Using the term does not mean you're gay and scared to admit it. It means you're straight, but instead of being labeled as a bigot or a being homophobic, you can use the term "nolo" to say, "Hey, if you guys want to cuddle, it's cool with me - even though it's not cool, so I'm getting the eff out of here and don't want to know what happens when I'm gone. But for the record, I'm not co-signing this behavior. At the same time, I ain't scared of you brother-fuckers, so we're still cool."

This way, my gay friends can find their own little gay heaven wherever it exists, and be, well, "happy." It's not gay to have a serious and deep (biggest nolo yet) conversation with a person who likes same-sex sex. Just know when to leave if it's at a Midtown bar you aren't familiar with and the crowd starts getting thick (nolo again). You don't want to wake up in the morning not remembering what happened, looking like this guy:

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(Eternal Pause/Nullus/Nolo combined to that pic above... The Underwriter shakes off the heebie-jeebies... )

Anyway, I've been feeling a way (nolo) about the term "No Homo." It seems like it's going to make gay people mad, which I'm not sure I really care about. But I do like to help people avoid confrontation and division if necessary. Now, dividing a gay man from my own asshole is priority #1, but that doesn't mean I can't let him live. I mean, it's not like I'm walking around wearing t-shirts that say this:

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At the same time that first image is a pretty accurate image of my own home and personal bodily space. Homosexuality is something I'll never understand. I don't know what's so good about a man's hairy ass that should have my attention. And I don't want to know because it's gross as hell. Sorry. And I just can't, for the life of me, explain to myself why cats would rather see nude balls than a naked woman in their bedroom that looks like this:

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I mean, really. You'd rather be touched like

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This...


Instead of like

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This?!!

Baffling. But whatever dude. Holla. Nolo.

The Underwriter cares about all of his people, even the man-handlers. That's why I'm giving you a few points about how you can use "nolo" to your advantage while keeping it extra gully in your own special way. No need to denigrate your fellow man; just tell him that you can't condone his sexual preference, but you're not judging him.

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Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
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Nolo is best used when someone not only says something ill, but you've observed behavior in the past that adds credence to your quiet thoughts that he might be "going in." You can either start saying "No Homo" and disowning him, or you can still be cool with him and keep it "nolo." I mean, not to draw a parallel between gay men and mutated mammals, but if a human being can be born with a conjoined fetus, why can't some people be born with the intention to want something of their own kind? I'm not a cannibal, but who knows? A human lemon pepper wing just might be as good or better than chicken. I'm just not deranged enough to try it myself. But eat up, my friend (nolo).

I have to say also that it's pretty damn strange that cats have so many people in the mainstream media to look up to when it comes to the stylistic approach of the modern metrosexual. Or maybe it's all the stylists' fault. Maybe the wardrobe managers know that looking non-confrontational is the new "thug" look. Or maybe they want us all to be gay, or at least believe that our favorite artists, actors, entertainers and personalities are trapped in the closet.

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I don't think Skateboard P or Ye Tudda are gay. At least not with each other. But what I do think is that the lifestyle of the intelligent, sensitive heterosexual male has become confused with the closeted batty boy. For instance, I think it's totally cool for a single bachelor to have a chihuahua. They're cool as hell, even though they constantly trip on their own legs and pee everywhere. And they're always Harlem shaking. But there's a difference in having a small, fierce, loyal little fighter and having house-trained animals that are forced to pose for photos looking like this:

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Nolo.

I'm just saying. It takes people as open-minded as The Underwriter to keep it real enough to accept every type of person. We're all brothers in the end (nolo). We have to understand that even if we agree to disagree about sex, only dialogue will keep us from beating each other down (nolo). Nobody has the right to keep anyone but themselves from following his or her own heart. I'm not here to excuse or explain my position (nolo), but rather I'm just tryin to get people to respect each other's space (n) to set up some rules of engagement (nolo). If we want to continue to divide ourselves, we can do that. But we'd be missing out on a powerful opportunity to upgrade society by giving diplomacy a chance.

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No Homo.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Peace. As someone who respects everbodies personal space, and is not about intolerance, all I can say is big up to you. This was a funny, and dead on piece. And oh my Gaaawwwwddd 'touced like this'has one of the thickest asses I've ever seen!!! That shit is flawless.