TAX ADVICE FOR WESLEY SNIPES

Why is everybody so scared of death? There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And taxes. But there is an inevitability to all things, so there is no need to worry, because you can't worry forever, like you can't avoid W-2s and 1099s your whole life. Sometimes, you have to just resign yourself to certain realities in this life that are constant and eternal: Death and taxes.





Yes, the cartoon above is telling the truth. Don't act surprised next winter when Georgia Bush will indeed pardon Scooter Libby and the Republican success story comes full circle. The way of the GOP has always been the same. Someone commits the most unthinkable white collar crime imaginable, knowing that they'll get away with it, because he or she has friends in high places in red neckties. And as long as they pay tribute, they'll always see the bright, shiny, primary side of the law.


But will Wesley Snipes be pardoned as such if/when Barack Obama becomes POTUS, if he's found guilty of tax fraud under Bush's watch? I mean, HE WAS INDICTED in Florida (I'm So Hoooood!) a couple of days ago for failing to pay something like $16M in taxes in the last few years. If I had to guess, I'd say that he'll avoid jail time as long as he can pay the piper (nolo). If he half-steps towards the federal cash register, expect him to get RON ISLEY'D.

Nino Brown DARKNESS thought that he had outsmarted Uncle Sam by claiming some obscure and highly disputed tax loophole. What he must not have noticed, outside of the loophole entry (nolo), was the "No Coloreds" sign. Whoops. It also works against him that he was/is affiliated with the Nuwabians and the great
MALACHI YORK, whose Egyptian theme park religious compound was shut down by the government years ago.





Maybe he should take the example of Piotr Kucy, a 38-year old native of Polkowice, Poland. This man was WRONGLY IDENTIFIED AS A DEAD MAN last August, and is currently unable to legally work or pay taxes. He is, quite literally, fighting to come back from the dead.

What Wesley should do is what Ken Lay did: fake his death. We all know that the Enron mastermind is alive and laying up on Deer Island, not giving an eff about anybody's 401k or pension plan, as long as HE HAS GEORGE BUSH ON HIS SIDE. He could have been pardoned, but the story was just too big to allow him to walk.

Wesley (hopefully) has his money right. He should be able to see a decent settlement of a couple mil and walk it out like George Jefferson. If his money is funny, he'd better find a pallbearer. Either that or he should crank that R. Kelly (nolo) and go on a massive professional bender. Give us a new New Jack City, Nino Brown. And make it a blockbuster, not a blackbuster.

Plus, look at it this way, Wes: You can save Ice-T from having to pimp his "wife" for mortgage payments while the Hollywood writers' strike is drying up his Law & Order cheese.





Am I my brother's keeper?



UPDATE: Photobucket got on some straight nut-huggery with my last image. Since I had to amend my image, I did a little editing.