No.. NO... NOOOOO!!!!

Damn!! See what happens when you send an intern to do the boss's job?

One of those mindless flunkies from the dead sea of Hip-Hop internet forums recently asked me if he could volunteer his services on the weekend, which drew a firm "NOLO" and a fast "Fuck Off" from yours truly. But then this loser kept begging, saying that he deserved a chance. He needed a mentor, and since I pretty much rule everything in reach of my scythe, I guess he thought I would help. And he consistently sent dead flowers to my ladyfriends with my name on the giftcard, which actually turned out to be a great method of brown-nosing that I'd never before imagined. Now I have a gang of hot girls coming through the crib on the late night to crank that Jada Fire and cook breakfast for your boy in the morning, believing that I'm now ready for marriage.





So while I was getting some underlovin this morning from my new chick...




This idiotic intern of mine took my Scythe List and claimed the life of the wrong man. The name on the docket clearly reads "Mike Terner", but this illiterate scumbag accidentally scythed one of Hip-Hop's most influential persons. You guessed it...




What a tool. Anyway, let's celebrate Ike Turner's life today. Whatever your opinion of the man, the myth and the legend, he's been name-dropped in countless rap songs.


Check the catalog:




"My life's like kinda what my wife's like
Fucked up, after I beat her fuckin' ass every night, Ike!"
EMINEM - "Who Knew", The Marshall Mathers LP


"Put your fingers up if you love hash and cash
I been that way since Ike Turner was kickin Tina ass"
REDMAN - "On Fire"; Muddy Waters

"I wanna holla at that boy Ike Turner
You gotta know it's 'bout the paper and you learn her
About gettin on the corner for your daddy
What love got to do with it, I'm in the Caddy"
PIMP-C - "I'm a Hustler"; The Sweet James Jones Stories

"For now, we gonna plot and premeditate this murder
I heard a nigga say that you can't fuck with Ike Turner
So I'm gonna be that nigga who put these hoes out
Blacked out, locced out
Ready to go all out
And rip a heffa's grill out"
DRE DOG - "Ike Turner"; I Hate You With a Passion

"But if I tell her to turn her head, and I get a light turn up
I'm subject to might turn up, and flip into Ike Turner"
YUNG RO - "Head Turner"; Undagrind

"Make a slick kid mackadocious
Stay away from young girls, I crack a ol' bitch
Wifebeater, like Ike Turner
Carry five heaters and like 9 burners"
PACEWON - "Won"; Telepathy


Oh well, another Hip-Hop pioneer gone with the wind. I thought you knew it was gonna be a cold winter. Rest in peace, Ike. Hope that for your sake God is a man, or your ass is eternally skewered.




UPDATE:

MY HOMIE BUCKLIFE put me up on a couple other famous Ike drops from B.I.G. that I didn't remember when posting. New York, forgive me. Or go eff yourself. Your choice.

"Sade...ooooh I know that pussy tight
smacked Tina Turner, gave her flashbacks of Ike"
The Notorious B.I.G. - "Dreams"; Unreleased (sike)

"That's why I pack a nina, fuck a misdeameanor
Beatin motherfuckers like Ike beat Tina
(What's Love, Got to Do)
when I'm rippin all through your whole crew..."
The Notorious B.I.G. - "Machine Gun Funk"; Ready to Die




Biggie Smalls is the illest... (RIP)