WHY ATLANTA IS DYING OFF

I tell you, oh my brothers and sisters, the times, they are a'changin' around this beeaieyach. So let me begin by saying that I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, and I hope that you're not only thankful for that gluttonous meal you ate Thursday afternoon with your fat-ass family, but you're also in the spirit of giving something to those who might be in worse need than you this winter.

Keep in mind that I'm not a fan of baseless charity; I prefer that people find something that they love and want to see bettered through personal investment. Deserving a gift is the ideal. But let's be fair; we're in a recession and there are hungry and cold people out there who may have fallen through the cracks under Georgia Bush's reign of terror on the American government. Prayer helps, but action is necessary in these times. Let's all pitch in.

Speaking of Georgia, since it is one of the states that I represent through my honorary position as Senator to the southern tri-state area of Tennessee, Alabama and Georgia, and I do most of my business in Atlanta, let me keep it ultra gutter and tell you what's really hood in the city that made me. Here, as food for thought, are the top 30 reasons why the City of Atlanta is pretty much dead. Listen to me now; believe me later on.


THE UNDERWRITER'S TOP 30 REASONS
WHY ATLANTA IS DYING OFF:




1. Shakir Stewart's death (R.I.P.)
2. T.I. going to jail
3. Luda going Hollywood
4. Gucci Mane in jail
5. Young Jeezy cooling off
6. Soulja Boy
7. Jermaine Dupri running a club & destroying Janet's career at once
8. L.A. Reid in the Hamptons
9. 1/2-ass Janelle Monae project management by Bad Boy
10. Lil' Jon M.I.A.
11. Hot 107.9's A-Team fired; replaced by Ricky Smiley
12. Maurice Garland M.I.A. since 11/5
13. Gyant gaining fame
14. No clear cut female rap queen/leading lady
15. Jax death (R.I.P.)
16. DJ Drama still in legal limbo
17. Killer Mike fadeaway
18. Usher in career limbo
19. Dallas Austin on permanent vacation
20. Alfamega
21. Kaya becomes Club Vision, then torn down for Trump condos
22. The death of Freaknic (R.I.P.)
23. Mike Vick not coming back
24. Traffic
25. Price of a$$ & foreclosures ^; local economy & city budget down
26. Continued water (& weed) drought
27. Polow Da Don recent brick marathon
28. Still no Real World Atlanta
29. Chicago's comeuppance
30. No alcohol sales on Sunday except clubs & restaurants


To be certain, there is only one hope...




The Dungeon Family. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Anybody who has been here since the mid-90s can tell you that even moreso than Dallas and Jermaine and only second to LaFace, the DF made Atlanta cool, so only they can reinstitute the groove and save the city. If that fails, expect me to speak to you from New York or Los Angeles in 2010.

Fortunately, there are three OutKast projects and one GOODie MoB. album on the way. Thank God. Shout to the homie Dallas in town for Turkey weekend.

INSPIRED BY OBAMA (and sour diesel).

Jesus, I had no idea how zooted I was when they shot this video. That's what two Ls of Sour Diesel and plenty of vodka will do to you. Anyway, here's that video I told you about from the New York post.



Let there be no doubt that I was feeling extra glowy with those blue lights all around me.

LONG LIVE COMMON SENSE

Chicago's own Common came to my homestate last weekend, so I stopped by the all-new Club Sky to check it out. To be certain, this guy Common brings the women out in full force, and there were plenty of Lisa Lisas (80's version) in attendance. I wasn't alone, so I had to do the honorable thing and stay by the bar getting OVERTHROWED until dude hit the scene around midnight or so. Wouldn't want to look thirsty like the ladies, and man were they parched...





When I say that the ladies spazzed, I mean it. I knew that Common had fans, but I didn't know that he is, on the low, approaching L.L. Cool J status with the female rap base. Maybe on the high. And when I say that the high majority of these women were sexy, I say it because the shit is true, on the low.





Com came through, sat at the couch with an extra big bodyguard from Birmingham that my homegirl says she dated for a second. This dude was widebody like a walrus, but he had that roscoe/biscuit/heater/toolie/pistola on his hip, and his size alone was suggestive enough that nobody really tried to push up on Chi-Town's Nas like they couldn't control themselves. Yet he still managed to pull off his job without reaching for the burner and keeping an ill mean mug on his grill, just in case a heifer started acting a donkey, if you will. With his fat ass.





I let the ladies get their kicks and giggles before running up on Common, Bamma-style, and saying, "Thanks for coming to Alabama, cousin." He seemed pleased that he was so well received. It's funny, oh my brothers and sisters; most outsiders always seem super-surprised when they visit the state in which I was raised. They have a wide-eyed stare, and a simple smile that suggests that they didn't expect so much deep south love (NOLO). Common definitely enjoyed the crowd's response to his appearance.





From there, Common cut through the crowd with the assistance of the big dude and stood in the stairwell that led to the DJ booth and pool room--pretty much the only place from which he could effectively perform. He commenced to rock. See video below, and please don't bitch and moan about the darkness; just be grateful for the flashing lights of nearby cameras. You want better quality, I suggest you invest.


Here's the Com'z rocking "Go!" from his debut album on G.O.O.D. Music, Be...




Here's "Testify"...




Check the crowd response to "Universal Mind Control", the Neptunes-produced lead single...




From there, he dropped "The Light" (which would have come in handy for my camera) and closed up shop to loud applause and cheers. I have to say that I continue to be impressed by Common when it comes to longevity. He's one of the few rap artists that has been around for ten years of which I can still call myself a fan. Really, it shouldn't be much longer before we just stop fronting all together and put him in the Top 5 of all time. Like he said on "Get 'Em High": "Real rappers is hard to find--like a remote... control rap is out of."


Next up: Musiq. That's right; the cross-eyed R&B singer. I caught him doing his thing as well in Alabama, so I figured why not post it up. Check back tomorrow or the next day for that. And hey!! Thanks for giving me your attention for the last two years.

Make sure you cop Universal Mind Control when it drops (hopefully) on December 9.



"Should have my own reality show called, Soul Survivor."
-Common; "Get 'Em High"

LIVE FROM ALABAMA - DL HUGHLEY

If you haven't seen it yet, I strongly suggest adding D.L. Hughley Breaks The News to your weekly schedule of television intake. Jesus knows that we don't need another hour of TV in our lives, but this one actually helps you to dissolve all the other nonsense available on the variable VH-1's, MTV's and BET's of the digital audiovisual world and learn more about what's really good in the world today. In a black comedy way, of course.

The first show I caught in full was the episode on the Sunday after Obama's victory. It was just perfectly timed for relevance, humor and appropriateness; it seems that someone in the higher offices of the CNN building is smart enough to realize that if you want someone to be able to apply comedy to the first black presidency, they'd better be black. Brilliant!





Wow; how the world has changed in the past six months, huh? Looks like change will continue to come well into 2009 and beyond, oh my brothers and sisters, and we've got to learn to live with the difference in order to have any input or effect on the future. Especially when the guy in charge looks more like America than any other candidate in recent history. Now that we've got a leader, we need supporters, workers and buffers. As long as we have intelligence, art and dialogue, we'll have a national discussion that will lead to something positive.

But enough of that. Seriously, D.L. Hughley is funny as hell. To be fair, I have noticed that his show can be somewhat off when it comes to the other characters that are featured. It's like someone took the Dave Chappelle idea and made it more politically astute but more watered down; sometimes the people overplay their posturing and the jokes fall flat, leaving a lot of pickup duty for the host. Luckily, D.L. has a knack for improvisation and delivery, so he always ends up with a good show. Personal opinion: I've always thought that he's best when he moves between politics and picking random people in the audience to roast. Sure, he's heavy on the profanity, but why the eff wouldn't he be? He's a black comic, for God and Pete's sakes, providing people of other persuasions than African-American rhetorical proof that you can get away with anything that comes out of your mouth if it hints at a strong intellect.





Anyway, here are just a few clips from the performance. Check him out when he's in your town, and support D.L.'s TV show so that CNN keeps cutting checks for black folks with creative, activist minds like mine.







Coming up next, Common (yes, that Common) comes to Birmingham this past weekend. But did he kill? Tune in tomorrow to see.

KILLING YOU TURKEYS

Somebody get Bryan "Baby" Williams from Cash Money Records on the phone and tell him that Governor Sarah Palin would be an excellent choice if there's an opening at Lil' Wayne's recording home for a new "Birdlady." Not only has she proven over the last three months to be completely incompetent and bird-brained on the national stage, but she obviously doesn't mind some "cut-up", and is proud of herself when it comes to being a "chicken-head."

The milfy, intellectually challenged governor, in another unprecedented display of public relations fuckery, has recently conducted a TV interview in Wasilla, Alaska, in which she probably intended to show mercy and goodwill to a lucky turkey in the spirit of Thanksgiving leadership, but ended up looking like a heartless animal slaughterer auditioning for a starring role in Vick II – The Alaskan Turkey Holocaust, which must be coming out soon in a made-for-TV movie on Lifetime.

There's not much else to say about this, except that Palin's publicity team should definitely have engaged in mass suicide weeks ago on some Branch Davidian ish. Don't worry about seeing anything graphic; MSNBC made sure to blur out any jerkish claw movements, splattering turkey plasma, flying gizzard remnants or airborne beak particles so that you can keep on thinking that the Lawd sends us fresh, pre-butchered turkeys from either Heaven or the North Pole right in time for the holiday season. I'm not even mad at this if Palin was intentionally trying to stage a publicity stunt for to make her upcoming book advance go up a few more millies, but she can pretty much kiss politics goodbye after this. The sleeping public is not ready to see this type of thing.