GORDON GARTRELL RADIO: AM/FM IS DEAD

Here’s some shit you didn’t know - I’m a big fan of LITTLE BROTHER. And I'm very salty that they aren't doing Lupe Fiasco numbers, because that shit is ass backwards if you ask axe me. But it does make me a little bit happier to hear GORDON GARTRELL RADIO, which has been going on for little over a month, and is already killing the sound, style and song selection of modern terrestrial radio. Before you ask axe, that means AM and FM.

Maybe millions of Atlanta listeners want to hear Lil’ Boosie on constant repeat, but I’m not one of them. I need something closer to my own version of what radio should sound like, and if there’s a choice between that and NPR, you can guess where I’m tuning.

Gordon Gartrell Radio is a podcast that Phonte and DJ Brainchild have been producing since May of 2008. I’m actually surprised as hell that I’m not reading more about it on some of my favorite blog sites, but what the eff can you expect from cats who just post anything that seems relevant. At least these cats are truly "consistent", in the good way. And I'm not at all ashamed to say that I'm a month late on this one, and other blogs like 4 CRYIN OUT LOUD have been reporting that Gordon Gartrell Radio is golden. Even if The Minstrel Show and Get Back went straight wood. It's still all good. The dudes put on an outstanding live Hip-Hop show; trust it.





To give you a quick synopsis:


Episode 1 – Phonte goes in on R. Kelly (NOLO). He actually believed that Kellz wasn’t going to jail, which I always disagreed with. But his commentary is classic enough to listen to even if we all know now that The Pied Piper got off.

Episode 2 – Phonte speaks on pr0n, and the reasons why a monogamous heterosexual man should watch and use it. But he dissents on the whole “dp” thing. Hilarious.

Episode 3 – Phonte gives a great diatribe on television fathers, ranking every great TV dad from Phil Drummond to Cliff Huxtable, which is one of the most creatively funny ways I’ve ever heard someone my age say that modern black fathers aren’t worth shit. If you don’t listen to any other episode, this one is golden. But, then again…

Episode 4 – Phonte releases his list of the top ten “Lite Brites” of all time. Classic. Instant classic. This makes you think that dude can be a comedian if he ever stops rapping. I died a thousand times listening to this one, and I’m far from a coward. It’s just that fucking funny.


CLICK HERE TO HEAR GORDON GARTRELL RADIO.


Oh, and absolutely big ups to DJ Brainchild. The music on the podcast is an extravagant mix of old, new, stupid, good, positive, negative and just plain old dope Hip-Hop. It’s what the fuck DJs are supposed to be doing instead of collecting payola underneath the table at P.F. Chang’s. The mix is inspiring, taking you back to the days that you loved listening to radio and great enough to make me finally load iTunes on my sacred personal laptop, which I swore to never do. This shit is just worth it; take my word. Supposedly, the podcast will be coming out every week on Monday. If you want better, you should check for it.

Or just keep listening to cocaine-fueled homo-erotic gangster masturbation rap on terrestrial radio, while intelligent and creative thought exists just outside of your limited mental reach. Don’t make me none. I couldn’t possibly care less, because I don’t settle for it.


Trues to the homie CHUCK for the link.


Don’t say I never share good news.

IF YOU ASK AXE ME

Washington D.C. just got wilder. The 32-year ban on handguns in the District of Columbia IS OFFICIALLY OVER. Who knows; maybe it’s a good thing for freedom, liberty and all that b.s. I mean, the Constitution does state that all Americans have the right to bear arms.

But, if you ask axe me, it’s awfully strange that this happens right when it appears that Senator Barack Obama might actually win the presidency. And if you live in or have ever visited D.C., you know that the hood is right around the corner from Pennsylvania Avenue.

I’m not one to advocate carrying handguns, because in my opinion, that’s why Ninjas are always getting shot. Simple math. Now a rifle, a knife or a scythe is much more preferable. But that’s just my theory.

Let’s just hope that this isn’t Christmas in July for racist militias. When Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito vote the same way in a Supreme Court case, it’s usually bad news when it passes.

SOURCE: Reuters

THE BUCKET LIST

The Bucket List is a list of things that need to hurry up and die, because they're killing the human race in one way or another.

For this installment, we explore ENERGY DRINKS and the geek monsters that drink them. If you haven't noticed, energy drinks are usually guilty of some of the worst and most blatantly ridiculous product names and marketing schemes in business. If you don't know what I'm talking about, take a look at the list:

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SUM POOSIE



(What every man wants)
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GURU



(Is Gang Starr getting check$ from this?)
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GO GIRL



(Sugar-Free?!)
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PIMP JUICE



(Did Nelly skeet in this? Nolo.)
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COCAINE



(The Devil is Alive... How sad is this??)
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Do what you will with your own fucking health. I'm not a doctor, and I'm not trying to tell you muh-fuckas what to do with your body. But just don't be a victim of your own need for extra energy and such. Because that would make you a geek monster. And I love you too much to let you go out like a sucka.

If I gotta dead you, know it's only 'cause I love you...
Talib Kweli - "Know That"

THE LAST LAUGH

George Carlin, who was a hero to modern comics, IS DEAD. I remember watching him back in the day, and always feeling like I was watching a lecture that you could laugh at. Dirty words sprinkled everywhere. But did I ever laugh out loud? Not really. I always liked Richard Pryor a little bit better, but I can appreciate dry humor, especially when it represents the counterculture and its funny enough to make you think.





PRYOR = G.O.A.T.
CARLIN = S.G.O.A.T.


But there's plenty of time for that debate. For now, may the man rest in peace.

THE WEEK IN DOOM

I’m supposed to be writing a free biography for a very talented R&B artist, but first things first – meaning me. Just to remind you, I have certain emotions when it comes to DOING FREE SHIT.

But here’s where we are. This week, some important shit has happened. In case you’ve been missing it, here’s The List of The Doomed for the week of Juneteenth:


Iowa

That shit is extra-fonky-fucked up right now. If you haven’t noticed, “Natural Disaster” is the new normal. I don’t have to remind you about all the other weather problems we’re having as a planet. But the floods are still spreading; there’s a shitload (LITERALLY) of water all over the place, and since the Mississippi River is a river and not a pond, it could be a minute before they get that shit together. Note: you don’t have to read or listen to the news to know that shit is never correct when they publicly announce that it's fixed…

I would say that we should give to the Red Cross, but what the fuck did that do for Katrina victims? I say that we pray. Or actually drive across six miles of water with a hammer and some duct tape and help rebuild. Your choice.


G-Unit

I think it’s time for everyone to give up the façade of Curtis Jackson, at least here in America. How many albums can you expect an album to sell off of controversy and no quality? I know it worked for years, but everybody wakes up eventually - even us "niggas." I can’t remember the last G-Unit freestyle I gave a fuck about, and I check NY mixtapes all the time. Way more than most NY cats check underground southern music... Joell Ortiz deserved some of that G-Unit money if you ask axe me, Dr. Dre. But its your Interscope’s money. If everybody over there is happy, I’m thrilled.

But I’ll predict right now that G-Unit’s Terminate On Sight will be the official end of the ride for you 50 prick riders. It won’t come near a million, unless he drops a dope single before July. And when I say dope, I mean impossibly dope.

Because I simply can't condone Curtis taping a conversation with the idea that he could use it to discredit Young Buck if he ever tried to defect, which he is. I'm not posting Buck's diss song, because it's just not that good. But Curtis killed himself with this one. Sure, Buck cried and contradicted everything he's saying right now, but who knows how effed up his situation was when he tried to keep it 100 with Curtis? Now, he sees how shiesty this dude is, and how he's willing to go extra hard (NOLO) just to look like he's on top (NOLO).

CLICK HERE FOR THE AUDIO.



Hillary Clinton

Do I feel sorry for Mrs. Clinton? Not really. I mean, I look at things very carefully when it comes to news and politics. That’s because most of it is bullshit, but if you can sift through the doo-doo, you might be able to keep up with important developments as they relate to you and the rest of the world.

Hillary is stuck in the position of having to keep her word and work to elect Barack Obama for POTUS. We all know that this was not the original plan. And it’s not that hard to tell that she’d rather be scratching a yak’s balls (NOLO) than to be actively promoting the man that came from nowhere to take the nomination.

But since OBAMA IS OPENING A LEAD on Senator John McCain in Florida, Ohio and Pennsylvania, it doesn’t look like he’ll need her as a V.P. Especially after he HIRED THE WOMAN HILLARY BLAMED for her campaign failure to help find a V.P. for him. Sorry Senator, it’s time to do what you promised to do regardless. The question is, “Are you still down for me now?”


THE S.U.V.

If you’re driving a Mercedes-Benz G 55, regardless of your income and need for attention and fame status, you're an idiot.

I heard some bullshit today on NPR about how it’s not smart to trade in your Hummer for a Prius. And there were all these scientific reasons and guest dickheads trying to explain the reasoning behind the theory. Hey, if you want to believe that a car that gets 50 miles per gallon is worse for your pockets than a truck that gets 15… well, do you. Don’t say I ain’t tried to told ya.


Haters/Racists/Dewshbags

As I expected, the wave of hate is subsiding as it relates to Lil’ Wayne’s Tha Carter III. Dude officially sold A Milli. Against all odds. The title stays in The South. Three weeks later, can we agree that a win is a win?

Hip-Hop is back. And it's back with undeniable sales numbers. Whether you don't dig Lil' Wayne or you do, you should be able to see that this will keep the media fascinated with our culture for years to come. Even if you're in it ultimately for the artform, you know we should be paid for this entertainment we're providing. Why not capitalize?

And again, Obama's winning without the Clinton machine.

You gotta love it. I mean, it’s only right.