THE UNDERWRITER

Night Of The Living Dead

2011-02-15T20:07:00.002-05:00

I was totally content with letting this blog die a slow, crusty, gangrene-ish death. I'd been hired at a new company, which at first completely kicked my ass and killed any possibility of free time, much less the mental capacity to blog about anything. The funny thing is that even while I didn't update, the blog kept a quiet little buzz, and even received some anonymous comments from time to time, including prayers that I'd one day be castrated by my own scythe.

And while the buzz died down considerably (which happens after 2 years of nothing), the praise for this whole experiment remained somewhat steady, the only buzz I was trying to build was the kind that came from quality vodka, Hoegaarden, or $14 South African wine to settle my nerves after a day on the job, and from writing whatever prose I could conjure up from my cold, janky heart, especially if there was a freelance check involved.

I have to admit that it was the anonymous comments that made me want to start again. Sure, many of them are in Chinese characters, and seem to be the kind of stuff that nobody should click on, that is if they prefer not to have their laptop explode or emit Agent Orange through the speakers. But some of the comments were actually encouraging, and some of my friends still ask if I'm doing the blog anymore.

So here's what I'm gonna try to do, since ~~we're all dying anyway~~ I've become better at time management. I'll make better attempts at keeping this thing current. That might mean one or two posts per week for a minute, but I'll try to keep them worth every effort put forth by your ever-yellowing eyes.

And if you didn't miss me, kill yourself.

"SENATOR" ROLAND BURRIS IS DEAD

2009-02-21T03:11:00.003-05:00

EDITOR'S NOTE: Look, I don't need no Secret Service problems. That title isn't to be taken literally, so don't get all tight about it and start goon monitoring me from Langley at the secret underworld headquarters of the National Obituary Desk. The concept here is political death, not physical. So leave me the hell alone. I shouldn't even have to say that, but there that go.

Man, I called it. And I'm still calling it now, even though it probably won't be announced until Sunday or Monday. Senator Roland Burris will vacate his Illinois senate seat, and unless he's a complete boob, he'll do it sooner rather than later. That's money.

See, this guy should have known that this was a bad idea all along. You already saw WHAT HAPPENED TO JESSE JR., when he tried his political hand at Obama's former spot, and found out that not every black politician is Barack Obama. Hell, not many white ones (or Jindals) are either, for that matter, so don't get too gassed about your chances. Those are some big shoes to fill, oh my brothers and sisters.

Now that he SOMEHOW GOT IN, he's the loneliest black guy in the Senate chamber, even without the ethical cloud that is raining poop water on his head. Taking the offer (or should I say "deal"?) from former IL governor Blago was stupid in itself - can we say instant self-ether? The smart move would have been to stay out of the line of fire, until the man with the target on his dome was exterminated by the political media's firing squad. Blago was already alluding to his complete coolness with taking others down with him. Some of those statements he made on his TV award tour, prior to his impeachment, had some slick undertones; it sounded to me as if he was quietly saying, "Look, this is how politics is. You pay to play. Now, don't make me have to get Nino in the courtroom on y'all. You know you got money in the freezer too, fool!"

The Democrats have been trying to keep a clean house recently, especially now that they're too busy running the government to expose gay Repubs anymore. But all that means is that the G.O.P(enis) is looking for some retribution rape, now that they're all the way uncovered as racist homosexual morons. You see they got rid of THIS GUY, and THAT GUY, so they're obviously not trying to wait on anybody to slip up, now that they're 1 seat away (Franken's gonna win) from a filibuster-proof Senate vote. That makes Burris the new problem.

I've got to admit that I was disappointed in Congressman Bobby Rush's "lynch" language, at that early press conference when Burris was just named by Blago as Obama's scab. Was it really necessary to bring race into the whole affair? If a black guy was the last person to hold the job, with outstanding performance, how can you assume that the next black guy won't get a fair chance at it -- unless you think that there's some secret issue that could ruin the whole orgy, like 1 person in the group had crabs and didn't bother to inform everyone else. But if you already know how everybody in the clusterfuck of Illinois politics gets down, then you should already know what's up, and you shouldn't show up anyway, now should you? Don't tarnish your gallant reputation by getting in bed with freaks.

Now, Rush, our proud former Black Panther, is sitting his ass down, and Burris having the marble toilet he had mounted blown up from underneath his balls, on some Lethal Weapon 2 ish. And Blago was doing a good Sgt. Riggs imitation, except he didn't stay around long enough to pull Burris's ass away from the explosion, or just to give some spirit-boosting encouragement, like "Guy's like you don't die on toilets."

White House Press Secretary and Obama weed mule Robert Gibbs said with nuanced subtlety on Friday that Burris ought to STEP THE FUCK OFF. The new Governor of Illinois, Pat Quinn, made his position clear by saying that Burris is a WACK MC that should be tossed off stage by the draws. Plus, one of Burris's senate aides told him HE PLAYED HIMSELF, and went back to his former position as the Tony Yayo of Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid's G-Unit.

So now, "Senator" Roland Burris is looking like Rick Ross. If I were him, I'd pack my bags, steal as much Senate stationery as I could get my hands on, and run back to the lab to record a new political mixtape about his experiences. I might even download it ~~for free~~.

CHRIS BROWN IS DEAD

2009-02-19T22:03:00.005-05:00

Dag, my brothers and sisters. Just when it was becoming media overkill, and people were starting to ~~ask~~ axe that awful question, "Well, what did Rihanna do to deserve it?"... it seems that the guy who has been called "Usher's Replacement" (everyone), "The Young Mike Jack" (Nas), and "hot" (my niece G), is pretty much going to become one of the most reviled men in entertainment since O.J. Simpson, Ike Turner and Kobe 2004. You even have the whole "leave Chris Brown alone" campaign going on, where cats like this guy below share their intuitive thoughts on the situation they know so much about, because they know about shit like this. Plus, "how can guilt look so cute?"

Chris Brown had a great thing going for him, and I don't mean the love of the guy above. He was handsome [ll], talented, young, rich, famous, charming [ll] and even seemed humble. Not at all the type of guy you'd see in one of those animated cartoons, where "the bad guy" is terrorizing some pearly young damsel, as she cries for a superhero to save her from the terror. CB was winning awards, had almost completely wiped clean the spectrum of modern male R&B singers, and was well on his way to at least 5-10 years of upward mobility in his career. Then, his goon hand came crashing down, repeatedly, on a woman. A woman like any other woman, except that she happens to be one of the finest and most famous women walking the planet right now.

I say that the storm was settling, because the major news pundits were starting to weigh in on the subject of the violent beating of Rihanna. Once the major news networks start letting their hacks get at a person, it's only a matter of time before some cash-poor publicist/"crisis manager" would come calling, offering to vigorously defend CB and bring him back to comfortable levels of public relations. Sure, it wouldn't be easy, but people are forgiving when it seems that the media isn't being fair or letting you have the chance to either defend yourself on television or raise even more questions about your effery, like A-Rod's recent roid press conference. It was even looking like Rihanna might show mercy (read: weakness/love), and publicly forgive CB, to take the edge off the incredible shit stain he placed on his own career. T.I., Will and Jada, Terrence Howard and all other types of celebs who probably have their own private or public dirt, were coming out of the woodworks to try to help the rest of us understand that these things probably happen a lot more than we think, and that there are ways to fix them without demonizing the guilty party.

I had my questions as to whether or not there was some incredibly strange situation that led to this beating, even though it was never in question as to whether or not he deserved to be publicly denounced for his actions. You just can't hit women, under any circumstances, is what most people believe. I tend to think that if a woman raises a gun at me, she has earned the right to get her ass whooped, just like a man. Barring that, the only option is to walk away, if your temper reaches the level that you are seriously considering letting your fists fly into her face.

So you can imagine that I was waiting to hear what CB would have to say about the whole ordeal before passing any personal judgment against him. I was also not completely sure of what happened, and there had been no available pictures to document how severe the assault had been. But alas, oh my brothers and sisters, the picture of Rihanna is worth a thousand words, and all of them are the same: "Damn."

When you wake up tomorrow, Chris Brown will be just a figment of your imagination. You won't be able to remember the lyrics to any of his numerous hit songs. You won't think of him as you chew your gum. You won't be able to name three things he did last year in the public eye. All you'll remember is the busted lip, scrapes, scars and swelling on Rihanna's face. And you'll look at her eyes. Closed, but tight, revealing pain that seems deeper than anything physical. She looks helpless, confused, and emotionally hurt to the point that tears won't even fall. And though she is completely beautiful, she is, in the TMZ picture, the new, ugly face of domestic abuse.

This blog is in the memory of Chris Brown's career. It is dead and gone. Hope you ladies enjoyed the show while it lasted.

WHY OBAMA'S NOT GOING TO GET MURKED

2009-01-20T02:15:00.004-05:00

Here's a little reassurance for you skeptics out there. I know, I know; you're still struck with those dag-blasted heebie-jeebies about tomorrow, even though you keep hearing about all that security and the precautions taken to ensure a safe and happy inauguration.

Fear not; it appears that the last thing anybody wants is a problem with the super-official Obama entourage. In case you were unaware, this is how President #44 is rolling out in these skreets. Now ~~ask~~ axe yourself; do you want beef? This dude has the pimp game on clack-clack!!! See for yourself below:

But nah... go right ahead. See what your foolishness and unprepared mind will get you in 2009. My advice? Chiiiiiilllllll.....

RACISM AIN'T DEAD YET...

2009-01-18T14:04:00.003-05:00

Before you go all Obama/Dr. King/Biggie Smalls crazy with the rest of your holiday weekend, I just thought I'd come back to say hello and burst your bubble with regards to race relations in America, and specifically in the south.

Absolutely 100% true story:

Last night, after doing research for the job, I went to my old bar hangout in Marietta, GA. It's called Churchill's Pub. You don't normally see a lot of black folks in and out of there, but they do come through. I get treated like some sort of celebrity by the staff and owners, simply because I've weathered 2 years of coming in consistently. Working across the street at another bar made it accessible, and the fact that they have really good food, free wi-fi and would let you order a pitcher of beer for yourself were enough to keep me coming, even though I would sometimes sense race hate from the other side of the bar. Which I never pay much attention to anyway, but sometimes I would actually engage the people directly with a sarcastic smile and a knowing look.

It wasn't that way last night, but there was this dude that I know pretty well from seeing him there a lot, sometimes with his mom and dad. He was hanging out with this guy that looked like he was born in a hunting jacket; like he literally fell out of a deer's coochie one morning, reached for a rifle and shot his own mother dead. This guy was short, pudgy and had extremely wild eyes -- probably from meth of coke or... who knows -- and did all he could to get my attention when he played "99 Problems" by Jay-Z on the Rhapsody jukebox. I gave him a salute and even played along with him when he shouted out the lyrics to the part of the song where the officer is talking to Jay. You know: "Cuz I'm young, and I'm black/and my hat's real low/do I look like a mind reader, sir?/I'ont know..."

This is ironic, because 20 minutes later, as I walk over to say what's up to the other homie, he meets me in front of the jukebox, like, "Are you gonna play some shit!!@?? (drunk as hell). I was like, "Um... yeah!?" And he was then like, "YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!" So I guess that meant we were cool. It had to mean he had established some type of relationship with me, at least in his mind, because not 5 minutes later, as I'm looking through the web, he does the irritating thing which people always do when I take my computer into a public place -- ask if I'll go to some stupid website or YouTube video. This time, I said "Sure," and actually found this really cool site that showcases a local artist who lost his arm or something and draws completely with his mouth. So I say to him, "That's actually cooler than I expected it to be, my man." And he says, "OH!!! YOU WANNA SEE SOMETHING COOL?!??!@@#%?! CHECK THIS SHIT OUT, MAN!!*#!"

That's when he pulls out his phone and shows me how he won last year's Halloween costume at a neighborhood party.

I actually got the guy to send that picture to my email address. That's really him. Now, if you're white and reading this, you might be thinking, "Aww, come on, Mike. That's not really racist! It's just a harmless joke! Stop being so damn sensitive and taking all the fun out of something that's not even that big a deal..."

True, true. Sounds great, but what was I supposed to say about the picture of his black dog, who he called his "down-ass nigger" and bragged about how well-trained he is, and why I'd love him, and why I should come over to their house to get really drunk(er) with the whole backwoods family.

I politely declined, shook my head a little and laughed. Finished my drink, turned back to him and asked a very simple question:

"So, did you vote for Obama?"

He said no.

I paid out my tab, walked over to the bartender and gave her a hug, tipped my waitress, threw the deuces to our shared homie, and after putting on my long, black winter coat and throwing my Macbook back into my leather shoulder bag -- looking like a future black senator, I might add -- I extended my hand to shake that of my new, ignorant-to-his-own-racism friend and said:

"You're actually a cool cat, besides your bullshit. Hope you think twice about your picture and the N-bomb in the future. Oh, and happy MLK day."

BURIED IN WORK, BUT FAR FROM DEAD

2009-01-07T12:19:00.004-05:00

Sorry about the lapse in posting continuity. The new year brought a super-cool new job, new money and new toolery. Now that I'm working 9 hours a day on a MacBook, things are a little more complicated and I haven't yet figured out some of the deets when it comes to grabbing images and such, so it looks like I'll be having to switch back and forth from my trusty PC (Sade) and this new laptop. Which is probably for the best; nothing like a bunch of weird blog posts that don't relate to the job sitting on a company hard drive to kill your career before it's really born.

So thanks for the patience, and especially thanks to THE GEORGIA BLOGROLL, which just added your faithful and humble narrator to its listings. I'll be back around in a few hours. Hey, at least I'm Twittering more often!!

As if you care.

THE UNDERWRITER LIVES TO SEE 2009

2008-12-31T02:43:00.003-05:00

Yes, bitches. I've made it. 31 years, and not a single bit of evidence that would suggest aging. Maturity? Surely. But I'm a child of God, and I retain my youthful spirit and I remain young at heart. I love being alive at this point in time.

Can you believe that we actually have a black president?! I mean, take away the horrible recession, the toxic sludge in the Tennessee River, the still-unfinished business in New Orleans, the pointless violence in Gaza, the ignorant racism of the Republikkkan party--especially in my beautiful south, the lack of self-belief and the persistence of power-lust and you have a serious opportunity for change. And, as you can tell, I'm not one for the fantasy way of seeing things. I see dead people.

I also see live people. I see the chance to make the miracles that we think only God has the power to perform actually happen, with our own work. And I'm ready to make my mark on the world. We're not in a recession, as it would relate to the richness of the human mind. We're more capable of thinking our collective way out of this mess that we've made than at any point in human history. Why waste it?

Give me the green light. I can go all night. And all year. And all my life. I've been ready to go, and right now is as good a time as any in my term on this planet. Let's all get serious about life this year. Let's not substitute anything for hard work and dedication. As my man White Jesus always says, "Get prolific."

If you read this blog, peace and blessings to you in 2009. Thanks for supporting writers and readers.

KNOWING WHEN TO QUIT IS DEAD

2008-12-30T13:50:00.001-05:00

This vid that I copped from Failblog.com is funny as hell and I think you should watch it as an introduction piece before I go into this next post:

I guess I'm posting it because it seems like the reporter should have used his common sense and not gotten in the way of an unstoppable force. He looked like the swaggering, confident sports journalist when the vid begins, but alas; he loses his standing, is sent spinning out of control and lands on his American ass.

Then he has the nerve to try to sound "cool" (get it--snow!) while laying on the white. He then collapses. When he is finally helped back up by a supporter whose face shall not be seen, he staggers--not swaggers--off into the distance in shame and stupidity. Maybe he should have questioned the wisdom of trying to be so close to something he couldn't control. This, oh my brothers and sisters, is what happened to still-Governor Rod Blagojevich. He saw the gravy train a-comin' down the mountain and had to be the Christmas turkey that got glazed [nl].

It is reported today that Gov. Blago WILL NAME OBAMA'S SUCCESSOR, in what has to be one of the most defiant political moves I've seen recently, next to Senator Larry Craig's STALLED ATTEMPT AT MAN-LOVE and subsequent refusal to accept even his own guilty plea in court, dragging his public embarassment out longer than necessary.

The move by Gov. Blago has already drawn a line in the snow between himself and THE DON MEGA HARRY REID, with the Senate Majority Leader repeating the party line that any person appointed by the disgraced governor would be blocked. Since it's everyone's intention to have Blago not only impeached but possibly prosecuted, it makes perfect sense that he would not take the idiotic step of tainting SOMEONE ELSE'S good name by telling the world that he--in all of his political morality--has decided that said person was the most qualified for such a powerful and significant position. But politics = Pandora's box, lest we forget...

My question: why is it that Blago keeps shitting on black candidates? Pardon me if my colorblind philosophy is blurring my actual vision, but wasn't President-Elect Barack Obama a black senator? Why would Blago twice put his slimy stamp of approval on two otherwise respectable black men with upward mobility and political aspirations of grandeur? Is this some type of trade-off? Do blacks in Illinois have to pay a penance for Obama's success? Sacrifice two knights to get one king? Checkmate?

Or is this something more politically poisoned? Is Gov. Blago putting his finger in the Obama Administration's proverbial EYE OF PROVIDENCE by spreading his own disgrace among other candidates that share a similar ethnic background to Obama, as long as he is hung out to dry by the new Democratic establishment? Maybe his posturing is a way of saying, "Look here, Mr. Magic Negro; I will not be the only one to fall on this one, so you'd better look for a way to save me and my political legacy before I start flipping even worse than the reporter in that YouTube video above."

And seriously, what does that "Warning" sign next to Blago mean? Is there some subliminal message in the choice of being snapped by a photog next to something that says the word "rats"? Hmmm...

Hopefully Blago will smarten up quickly and realize that he's already fallen. No need to keep playing yourself for the cameras, dude. You are the victim of your own epic fail. Just collect yourself, turn around and walk away. And please don't expose those that tried to help you get back up in the process. Let them have their dignity.

AULD LANG SYNE IN 2009

2008-12-29T10:29:00.006-05:00

We're getting close to the end of this chapter, my brothers and sisters. And what I will tell you is that we need some motivational mottos for the coming year. We've still got Republikkkans on that racist b.s., Israel and Palestine are still beefing and the media is still hyping the recession. But there's good news all around, if you can sift through the seasoning salt.

Me? I'm taking the next 48 hours to determine what will stay and what must die in my own cypher. In the meantime, while I get my green on, here is a list of possible mantras that you might hear me drop once the ball in Times Square falls. Feel free to use anything you like in your own dialog with other progressive peoples. Add one if you wish!

THE UNDERWRITER'S
AULD LANG SYNE IN 2009:

Time to shine in 2009
(Be a star)

On the grind in 2009
(Don't wait for anything; go get it)

Smoke some Pine in 2009
(Why not?)

Vintage wine in 2009
(Spoil yourself)

No Calvin Klein in 2009
(Pause. Nolo.)

Grow some spine in 2009
(Where your heart at?)

Free your mind in 2009
(The rest will follow)

Please stop lyin' in 2009
(Real talk.)

Gon' get mine in 2009
(Get yours!)

First class flyin' in 2009
(As long as you're paying)

Fly design in 2009
(Swag is dead)

Not left behind in 2009
(Stay ahead of the curve)

Style divine in 2009
(Do it like Jesus would)

Deserve to dine in 2009
(I gotta eat)

Lead the blind in 2009
(Dumb rappers need teachin')

No mo' cryin' in 2009
(You can complain, but who'd listen?)

Beat Ben Stein in 2009
(Get money!)

Get off the vine in 2009
(Gossip and rumors are for girly boys)

Read, then sign in 2009
(Don't get jerked!)

Don't rewind in 2009
(The movement moves forward, not in reverse)

Clean vagine in 2009
(Because feminine hygiene rules)

Fresh behind in 2009
(Gentlemen: wash your draws)

This could go on forever. The point is that 2009 does not have to be lame as hell. Power to the people, wisdom, success, health, strength, honor and happiness to you and yours. And be safe out there on Wednesday night, whatever you do.

Peace!

REPRESENTATION WITHOUT TAXATION IS DEAD

2008-12-09T18:30:00.009-05:00

First of all, the governor of Illinois looks like an aging porn star. That mop he's wearing is too suspect for words. But if he intended to upgrade to the JOHN EDWARDS HAIRCUT price range, he should have figured out a better and more realistic way to earn the chee$e he needed to pay the bill, instead of charging others to play the political game and getting recorded over a federal wiretap. What a dumbass. But alas, you already know that politicians are not smart. And if you haven't already seen the video of Patrick Fitzgerald, the same U.S. Attorney that brought down Scooter Libby in the C.I.A. leak investigation, then check out this YouTube of Pat reading aloud the alleged words of Governor Rod Blagojevich, which I guess were recorded and transcripted. As you can tell, "bleep" is the new "fuck."

In other political news related to Hip-Hop, CNN.com ran A STORY ON COMMON, Chicago's original native son, and how he believes that Obama will change Hip-Hop for the positive. I have to say that the homie is 100% on point. It's going to be awfully hard to rap about selling drugs, pimping hoes and gang life when the POTUS is a black Harvard Law graduate and has an extremely intelligent wife and two beautiful daughters. Mark my words; it won't be long until Obama has to rebuke some dumb rapper for saying something sexist or crime-related in the same rhyme that he celebrates having a black prez. If Obama will turn his back on a corrupt white dude with whom he had political history, he will certainly throw a cold elbow to Shawty Lo or Gucci Mane or one of those other cats. Shouldn't matter much to them; they can still hurry up and make an Obama song while the frenzy still hasn't peaked. Obama ringtone, anyone?

Everybody is making money off Obama right now, or at least trying. Even my sweet old grandmother fell for the PAINTED OBAMA COIN commercial and paid $29.99 by credit card for a set for your faithful and humble narrator. God bless America. Obama might just sell us out of this recession. The question is, does Obama own his own name, or does it now belong to the American public? Who's really getting taxed, oh my brothers and sisters?

Cash rules everything around me.

HIP-HOP SHRUGGED: A Dystopian Fable for the Recession Xmas of 2008

2008-12-07T02:45:00.005-05:00

Ladies and Gentlemen: Your favorite blogger will not speak to you tonight. His time is up. I have taken it over. You were to read a post covering bullshit black gossip, stupidity in the form of “urban news” or the current legal fuckery of your favorite rapper—whatever you normally check for on the internet that has recently occurred in the world of Hip-Hop and/or politics. That is what you are going to hear.

For two years, you—the dying music industry of Atlanta—have been ~~asking~~ axing, “Who is Mike Jordan?” This is Mike Jordan speaking. I’m the guy who loves and values Hip-Hop. I’m the cat who does not sacrifice his love or his values. I am the dude who is relieving you of your victims and thus destroying your world.

And if you wish to know why your record labels are perishing—you who dread fresh, innovative, empowering and creative Hip-Hop music, I am the writer who will now present it to you on this post.

You, the A&R, music executive, program director, record label owner and--hell, yeah--magazine publisher, have said that this is an age of creative crisis in the music business and that southern rap’s sins are destroying Hip-Hop. But your chief virtue has been sacrifice. You have sacrificed innovation to sales. You have sacrificed empowering lyrics to demoralizing chants. You have sacrificed development to current market conditions. You have sacrificed art to commerce. You have sacrificed talent to hustle. You have destroyed all that which you held to be evil, and achieved all that which you held to be good.

Why then, do you shrink in horror at the sound of the Hip-Hop music that surrounds you in your Mercedes-Benz’s Bose stereo system? That music is not the product of your sins. It is the product, the rhythm, melody, lyrical content and chorus of your virtues. It is the moral ideal of your musical reality brought into its full and final perfection.

You fought for it. You have dreamed of it; you have wished it… And I am the man who is helping to grant you your wish. I am removing the sources of all those evils you are sacrificing—one by one. I am ending your battle; I am stopping your cipher. I am depriving your world of The 5th Element.

Writers do not represent the culture, you say? I am withdrawing those who do. Writers are insignificant, you say? I will withdraw those who aren’t. I’m showing them the way to live by another morality: mine. It is mine that they are choosing to follow. Will you soon be crying that this is not what you wanted? The culture of Hip-Hop in ruins, abandoned by its embedded and entrenched yet mentally emaciated writers, reporters and journalists is not your goal? You did not want us to leave?

You damned Atlanta. You damned Hip-Hop but never dared to question your code.

Yes, this is an age of creative crisis but it is not Hip-Hop that is on trial. It is your moral code. And if you wish to go on existing in this culture, what you now need is not to return to creativity but to discover it.

Sincerely Yours,
Mike Jordan

a.k.a. The Underwriter
a.k.a. the black John Galt
a.k.a. The Best Writer Alive
a.k.a. Jihad Ballout Jr.
a.k.a. Perry A. Pelagreeno
a.k.a. Mickey Reagan
a.k.a. Grumpy McNasty

[This blog was inspired by Atlas Shrugged, a book that I highly recommend to any serious reader, writer or thinker.]

WHY ATLANTA IS DYING OFF

2008-11-30T02:49:00.005-05:00

I tell you, oh my brothers and sisters, the times, they are a'changin' around this beeaieyach. So let me begin by saying that I hope you had a great Thanksgiving, and I hope that you're not only thankful for that gluttonous meal you ate Thursday afternoon with your fat-ass family, but you're also in the spirit of giving something to those who might be in worse need than you this winter.

Keep in mind that I'm not a fan of baseless charity; I prefer that people find something that they love and want to see bettered through personal investment. Deserving a gift is the ideal. But let's be fair; we're in a recession and there are hungry and cold people out there who may have fallen through the cracks under Georgia Bush's reign of terror on the American government. Prayer helps, but action is necessary in these times. Let's all pitch in.

Speaking of Georgia, since it is one of the states that I represent through my honorary position as Senator to the southern tri-state area of Tennessee, Alabama and Georgia, and I do most of my business in Atlanta, let me keep it ultra gutter and tell you what's really hood in the city that made me. Here, as food for thought, are the top 30 reasons why the City of Atlanta is pretty much dead. Listen to me now; believe me later on.

THE UNDERWRITER'S TOP 30 REASONS
WHY ATLANTA IS DYING OFF:

1. Shakir Stewart's death (R.I.P.)
2. T.I. going to jail
3. Luda going Hollywood
4. Gucci Mane in jail
5. Young Jeezy cooling off
6. Soulja Boy
7. Jermaine Dupri running a club & destroying Janet's career at once
8. L.A. Reid in the Hamptons
9. 1/2-ass Janelle Monae project management by Bad Boy
10. Lil' Jon M.I.A.
11. Hot 107.9's A-Team fired; replaced by Ricky Smiley
12. Maurice Garland M.I.A. since 11/5
13. Gyant gaining fame
14. No clear cut female rap queen/leading lady
15. Jax death (R.I.P.)
16. DJ Drama still in legal limbo
17. Killer Mike fadeaway
18. Usher in career limbo
19. Dallas Austin on permanent vacation
20. Alfamega
21. Kaya becomes Club Vision, then torn down for Trump condos
22. The death of Freaknic (R.I.P.)
23. Mike Vick not coming back
24. Traffic
25. Price of a$$ & foreclosures ^; local economy & city budget down
26. Continued water (& weed) drought
27. Polow Da Don recent brick marathon
28. Still no Real World Atlanta
29. Chicago's comeuppance
30. No alcohol sales on Sunday except clubs & restaurants

To be certain, there is only one hope...

The Dungeon Family. The first shall be last and the last shall be first. Anybody who has been here since the mid-90s can tell you that even moreso than Dallas and Jermaine and only second to LaFace, the DF made Atlanta cool, so only they can reinstitute the groove and save the city. If that fails, expect me to speak to you from New York or Los Angeles in 2010.

Fortunately, there are three OutKast projects and one GOODie MoB. album on the way. Thank God. Shout to the homie Dallas in town for Turkey weekend.

INSPIRED BY OBAMA (and sour diesel).

2008-11-28T00:00:00.000-05:00

Jesus, I had no idea how zooted I was when they shot this video. That's what two Ls of Sour Diesel and plenty of vodka will do to you. Anyway, here's that video I told you about from the New York post.

Let there be no doubt that I was feeling extra glowy with those blue lights all around me.

LONG LIVE COMMON SENSE

2008-11-25T21:07:00.005-05:00

Chicago's own Common came to my homestate last weekend, so I stopped by the all-new Club Sky to check it out. To be certain, this guy Common brings the women out in full force, and there were plenty of Lisa Lisas (80's version) in attendance. I wasn't alone, so I had to do the honorable thing and stay by the bar getting OVERTHROWED until dude hit the scene around midnight or so. Wouldn't want to look thirsty like the ladies, and man were they parched...

When I say that the ladies spazzed, I mean it. I knew that Common had fans, but I didn't know that he is, on the low, approaching L.L. Cool J status with the female rap base. Maybe on the high. And when I say that the high majority of these women were sexy, I say it because the shit is true, on the low.

Com came through, sat at the couch with an extra big bodyguard from Birmingham that my homegirl says she dated for a second. This dude was widebody like a walrus, but he had that roscoe/biscuit/heater/toolie/pistola on his hip, and his size alone was suggestive enough that nobody really tried to push up on Chi-Town's Nas like they couldn't control themselves. Yet he still managed to pull off his job without reaching for the burner and keeping an ill mean mug on his grill, just in case a heifer started acting a donkey, if you will. With his fat ass.

I let the ladies get their kicks and giggles before running up on Common, Bamma-style, and saying, "Thanks for coming to Alabama, cousin." He seemed pleased that he was so well received. It's funny, oh my brothers and sisters; most outsiders always seem super-surprised when they visit the state in which I was raised. They have a wide-eyed stare, and a simple smile that suggests that they didn't expect so much deep south love (NOLO). Common definitely enjoyed the crowd's response to his appearance.

From there, Common cut through the crowd with the assistance of the big dude and stood in the stairwell that led to the DJ booth and pool room--pretty much the only place from which he could effectively perform. He commenced to rock. See video below, and please don't bitch and moan about the darkness; just be grateful for the flashing lights of nearby cameras. You want better quality, I suggest you invest.

Here's the Com'z rocking "Go!" from his debut album on G.O.O.D. Music, Be...

Here's "Testify"...

Check the crowd response to "Universal Mind Control", the Neptunes-produced lead single...

From there, he dropped "The Light" (which would have come in handy for my camera) and closed up shop to loud applause and cheers. I have to say that I continue to be impressed by Common when it comes to longevity. He's one of the few rap artists that has been around for ten years of which I can still call myself a fan. Really, it shouldn't be much longer before we just stop fronting all together and put him in the Top 5 of all time. Like he said on "Get 'Em High": "Real rappers is hard to find--like a remote... control rap is out of."

Next up: Musiq. That's right; the cross-eyed R&B singer. I caught him doing his thing as well in Alabama, so I figured why not post it up. Check back tomorrow or the next day for that. And hey!! Thanks for giving me your attention for the last two years.

Make sure you cop Universal Mind Control when it drops (hopefully) on December 9.

"Should have my own reality show called, Soul Survivor."
-Common; "Get 'Em High"

LIVE FROM ALABAMA - DL HUGHLEY

2008-11-22T20:43:00.008-05:00

If you haven't seen it yet, I strongly suggest adding D.L. Hughley Breaks The News to your weekly schedule of television intake. Jesus knows that we don't need another hour of TV in our lives, but this one actually helps you to dissolve all the other nonsense available on the variable VH-1's, MTV's and BET's of the digital audiovisual world and learn more about what's really good in the world today. In a black comedy way, of course.

The first show I caught in full was the episode on the Sunday after Obama's victory. It was just perfectly timed for relevance, humor and appropriateness; it seems that someone in the higher offices of the CNN building is smart enough to realize that if you want someone to be able to apply comedy to the first black presidency, they'd better be black. Brilliant!

Wow; how the world has changed in the past six months, huh? Looks like change will continue to come well into 2009 and beyond, oh my brothers and sisters, and we've got to learn to live with the difference in order to have any input or effect on the future. Especially when the guy in charge looks more like America than any other candidate in recent history. Now that we've got a leader, we need supporters, workers and buffers. As long as we have intelligence, art and dialogue, we'll have a national discussion that will lead to something positive.

But enough of that. Seriously, D.L. Hughley is funny as hell. To be fair, I have noticed that his show can be somewhat off when it comes to the other characters that are featured. It's like someone took the Dave Chappelle idea and made it more politically astute but more watered down; sometimes the people overplay their posturing and the jokes fall flat, leaving a lot of pickup duty for the host. Luckily, D.L. has a knack for improvisation and delivery, so he always ends up with a good show. Personal opinion: I've always thought that he's best when he moves between politics and picking random people in the audience to roast. Sure, he's heavy on the profanity, but why the eff wouldn't he be? He's a black comic, for God and Pete's sakes, providing people of other persuasions than African-American rhetorical proof that you can get away with anything that comes out of your mouth if it hints at a strong intellect.

Anyway, here are just a few clips from the performance. Check him out when he's in your town, and support D.L.'s TV show so that CNN keeps cutting checks for black folks with creative, activist minds like mine.

Coming up next, Common (yes, that Common) comes to Birmingham this past weekend. But did he kill? Tune in tomorrow to see.

KILLING YOU TURKEYS

2008-11-22T20:25:00.004-05:00

Somebody get Bryan "Baby" Williams from Cash Money Records on the phone and tell him that Governor Sarah Palin would be an excellent choice if there's an opening at Lil' Wayne's recording home for a new "Birdlady." Not only has she proven over the last three months to be completely incompetent and bird-brained on the national stage, but she obviously doesn't mind some "cut-up", and is proud of herself when it comes to being a "chicken-head."

The milfy, intellectually challenged governor, in another unprecedented display of public relations fuckery, has recently conducted a TV interview in Wasilla, Alaska, in which she probably intended to show mercy and goodwill to a lucky turkey in the spirit of Thanksgiving leadership, but ended up looking like a heartless animal slaughterer auditioning for a starring role in Vick II – The Alaskan Turkey Holocaust, which must be coming out soon in a made-for-TV movie on Lifetime.

There's not much else to say about this, except that Palin's publicity team should definitely have engaged in mass suicide weeks ago on some Branch Davidian ish. Don't worry about seeing anything graphic; MSNBC made sure to blur out any jerkish claw movements, splattering turkey plasma, flying gizzard remnants or airborne beak particles so that you can keep on thinking that the Lawd sends us fresh, pre-butchered turkeys from either Heaven or the North Pole right in time for the holiday season. I'm not even mad at this if Palin was intentionally trying to stage a publicity stunt for to make her upcoming book advance go up a few more millies, but she can pretty much kiss politics goodbye after this. The sleeping public is not ready to see this type of thing.

FRIDAY NIGHT LIVE IN NEW YORK CITY

2008-11-16T16:20:00.008-05:00

Visiting New York City is a surreal experience for anyone from the deep south. To be honest, I've always been against the idea of living in The Big Apple but happy to visit for a day or two. The feeling I've always taken away is that nobody should have to pay that much just to survive, no matter how cool the people are. But there is the key; the people in New York do make the city, and the environment creates a hardened (nolo) perspective--the NY State of Mind--that exists in even the most anti-social residents of any and every borough.

The first major difference I felt was when I opened up my laptop at the Chili's Too in La Guardia. Nobody tripped. Not that I would have cared; I do it all the time in Georgia, Alabama and Tennessee, and nobody says shit then either, but the feeling that is displayed on their faces takes body language to a new level of expression, especially when it comes to looking like a hater.

As you see below, I've been riding with Obama since the beginning, and the sticker along with my smile should show you just how I feel if you're looking at me sideways. But again, that's what I'm used to in the south; in New York City I was reminded by the relaxed look on the faces of onlookers that I was among friends, even before I had branched out into the city. As a welcoming sign of acceptance and mutual political thought, it was quite a relief.

Being the third trip I've made to NYC since I've been old enough to drink, this was by far the best time I've had. After an incredibly janky flight, we landed and were towed into the gate as the flight crew threw on "The Sweetest Taboo." Don't ~~ask~~ axe me why our plane couldn't steer and push itself. At least the mood music calmed me down after all the turbulence and whatever else was really wrong with the damned plane. Thank God for Sade and solid ground.

Anyway, I was in town for an interview with a NY-based website that shall remain nameless until the word is official, possibly longer. If you haven't noticed by now, I'm really into anonymity. Fame is an unnecessary side effect to being effective at my craft, and I'd rather sacrifice the spotlight than the joy of loving the job. While I was hanging around SoHo, I visited The Huffington Post before taking the R train to 57th street to get up with the homie White Jesus.

[The homies White Jesus, David and Stella Artois]

Because I was already planning for and expecting a positive trip, I setup my iPod while still in Atlanta Thursday night with NYC-inspired music, to give me a better respect for the subway ride and scenery. While moving through underground Manhattan, I was listening to shit like "Pacifics" by Digable Planets on repeat. That's always been a song that reminds me most of how you NY cats live. Funny how it made much more sense when heard on the subway. You hear, through the headphones, the influences of the train itself in the music, through background noise captured in the track. The sound effect gives it way more clarity than if you were listening through home stereo or car speakers. Experiencing NY Hip-Hop in NY is like drinking Evian directly from a river stream in the French Alps, without the hassle of the plastic bottle. Fresh.

From there, I made the trip to the area (edited) where the homie White Jesus lives and works. Having a best friend who happens to have a good job (edited by request) is a perk in any city, but in NYC it makes a serious difference. The homie lives in an area that is straight out of Seinfeld or Friends. Very urban, but very sociable and lively. And very Jewish. Like the homie says, "It ain't Karate..." Inside joke. Think hard enough and you'll get it.

Back to the story, we got on some Ketel One at his crib, then took a cab to TriBeCa to get up with some other friends who live in town. They had the hookup on the leprechaun delivery, so we stayed put until around 11 p.m., chiefing that great, high-powered Sour Diesel and Apple Jacks. Legalize it!!!

Next, we hit up the apartment of a former co-worker from my bartending days. She had recently moved to Brooklyn, so we were able to visit her and her roommates on the way to the club for a few extra free drinks and our first game of "Thumper." If you've never played it, it's another one of those games that white people play when they're getting OVERTHROWED. And that shit is pretty fun, especially when you have some drunk white women surrounding you in a semi-circle and doing all types of crazy dances and gestures. Here's an example:

Moe finally had enough and steered us towards the party in Brooklyn before we got too juiced up with the party girls, who were headed to their own little shendig around the corner. We took another cab to the club, where all we had to do to get in free was agree to be interviewed on camera about how President-elect Barack Obama has inspired us. Supposedly this video interview will be available tomorrow on their website. If so, I'll post a link. If not, forget that I said that. But I did take a photo of the guys doing the interviewing, just for posterity and so that I'd look like a tourist.

The party was ehhh, but at least there were some other cats that I knew from Atlanta in the building. We spoke to a few ladies, drank more than a few G+Ts and stayed until around 3 a.m. The women were weird; they stared all night but were too timid to respond when we spoke, so I left it alone. Don't you hate a shy chick? Didn't really matter; I wasn't there to try my one-night stand luck; I was there to drink with the homies. Mission accomplished.

We'll leave all the other details out, but the moral is that I had a great time in New York. This was the way I always wanted to experience the city, and just when I've developed the proper mentality to deal with NYC, I see that the city responds to my demands. It gave me the impression that even though people swear up and down that it's an almost impossible lifestyle to lead, which I would have agreed with before this weekend, New York City is still the Mecca of American civilization and the birthplace of Hip-Hop. Because I've always been assumed to have originated in either NY or LA--yet I'm actually from Alabama--it felt like a homecoming of sorts. I can't lie; I pretty much fell in love with the city this past Friday, and I feel like I'm cheating.

The next day, White Jesus had a meeting at his job (edited) and I had a hangover that was not ready to quit before noon, so I woke up, popped a Claritin with a bottle of Pellegrino like the elitist I am and went right back to sleep on the couch. I woke up able to breath and refreshed, ready to hit the Sour Diesel again and grab a slice with the homie before hitching a cab ride back to La Guardia to make my grand exit.

On the way back, I had a great convo with the cabbie, who almost turned me down for a ride from the area (edited for White Jesus's anonymity), but changed his mind because "I talked to him with respect." My man was of Arab descent and a hard-core Democrat. We talked the whole ride about the historic implications of an Obama adminstration and how we've got to work as a world community to keep our differences from becoming rivalries, no matter how far apart we are geographically, ethnically or ideologically. When I arrived at the curbside check-in for Delta flight 925, he wished me good luck on being offered the writing job and thanked me for the conversation.

Jesus. I think I love New York. Don't be mad, Atlanta. Just step your game up before I leave your tired ass.

HOW MAXWELL SURVIVED MOREHOUSE

2008-11-11T01:08:00.008-05:00

Anybody who went to an A.U.C. college or university in the mid-90's and remembers the 1995-1996 Morehouse Homecoming concert will understand why I'm writing this blog about the Maxwell + Jasmine Sullivan concert in Birmingham this past Tuesday night. Obviously, nooobody had heard of any Jasmine Sullivans back then, so of course the same went for Maxwell. But he was a new artist at the time, making rounds and paying his dues on the Chitlin' Circuit, and he was the unlucky bastard new guy that was scheduled to open for The Fugees.

If you remember Fall '95, that was the year when 2Pac's All Eyez on Me and The Fugees' The Score put Kanye vs 50 Cent numbers up on the Billboard charts, sparking equally lucrative tours, creative offspring and zealots of every sort trying to jump on either the west coast gangster rap or neo-soul bandwagon and ride that beeyotch to the top. So if you were opening a show for them and you weren't aready a star, you were taking a major gamble with your pride trying to "warm it up" for headliners that were obviously among the biggest names in the business at that time. You can imagine my crew's impatience, having executed a stampede to get past the line at King Chapel's doors for the concert, when the host announced some guy named "Maxwell" that was going to entertain us until Lauryn, Wyclef and Pras were ready to take the stage. Do remember how dude used to look back then, with the hair, glasses and either some dusty jeans or those kung-fu master linen scrubs.

Oh, my brothers and sisters, we booed that young man off the stage with glorious, reckless abandon, and I mean the whole crowd joined the chorus. I'm pretty sure I recall that he came on stage with a bar stool, an accoustic guitar and no shoes, maybe chancletas. Cats weren't having it. We pointed him away from the building with the same steadfast posture as carried by the statue of MLK out in front of the building, waving our arms and shouting for the music to cease. Hearty and magnificent in depth, the ringing and rolling boo went from side to side of the auditorium, with an awesomeness of vocal strength and determination that made it feel like a scene from the colosseum battles in Gladiator.

It was something like this...

But worse.

Anyway, thirteen years later, though we believed we had killed his career at the time, it has become apparent that Maxwell survived our unrelenting Apollo-styled reception of his performance and progressed. Maybe he just wasn't ready for the stage back then. Maybe we just couldn't dig his "energy" and "swag." Either way, he continues to excel at the job of singing live and making women swoon. He will be around for a while for that reason alone, even if he does put on a weird show. On the low, I bet 80% of dudes hovering around 30 have used Maxwell (nolo) for at least 1 romantic interlude with a special lady in the last 13 years. Maybe on the high. All I know is that he's coming back from a 7-year hiatus, and the comeback looks like it should be a success thus far.

Happening as it was on the first Monday after The Day, the crowd at the BJCC was quite dapper and upbeat, even though most of the people there were probably just coming off a shitty first weekday like myself. You could tell that we were all riding the Obama high for as long as it would last. You did get a sense that people's smiles seemed to be worn naturally on their faces with nothing to hide, as if tonight's ticket price for a well-timed musical performance was an uncharacteristic luxury that we all deserved for showing up at the polls. Oh yeah - don't let me forget about the abundance of black women with jobs, nice dresses and other special qualities that you didn't get to see, because you were commenting on somebody else's blog. You lost.

Oh yes, my brothers and sisters, women love Maxwell, with all his weird "energy" and "swag". He's strange for different reasons than he was in 1995, which may be the key to his career as a performer at a time when nobody's buying albums. Back when we first saw him, this guy was earthier than dirt--even beating out Erykah Badu in a male sort of way. But now he's weird because he does weird dances and says crazy shit on stage about how sorry he is for missing that last show... which, from what I heard, was like six years ago and nobody even remembers.

Then he makes a public plea for free panties, ~~asking~~ the ladies in the front to throw them, and suspiciously he receives a pair that must have been pre-planned for trajectory. And what kind of heifer already has draws in her hand ready to toss in 2008? More fuckery occured when he spent an extended amount of time on the floor with the mic stand between his legs, hunching the air while looking up at the spotlight, possibly searching for an answer to a question I wouldn't dare pose.

Say what you will about his "energy" and "swag"; the guy can sing. And he can pack a concert hall in a major city at seat prices starting at $70, which is way more than he used to get when he was onstage chewing an incense stick. Much respect to him and the lovely Jasmine Sullivan, who played "new vocal Whitney" to Maxwell's "R&B Obama", putting a serious dent in the coffin of R&B music, if only for one night. Musical highlights include Sullivan's entire performance--this girl is serious--and Max's "Lifetime", "Til The Cops Come Knockin'", "Ascension (Don't Ever Wonder)" and "This Woman's Work."

(Jasmine Sullivan and her painter's uniform)

The moral of this concert is that if you have true talent you can get away with murder on stage. Jasmine knows that she is wrong for wearing a Dickies suit with the legs rolled up to the knees. And Maxwell is a good enough vocalist that you don't even mind his "energy" and "swag". He's a true musician, and for that he deserves respect.

If he comes to your town anytime soon, go ahead and take out a payday loan so that you can go to the show with some change in your pocket, find a thirsty woman and groove to the rhythm of romance and blues. Maxwell has come a long way from sporting farm attire to wearing a suit and necktie. Now, if we can just keep him away from the "party favors" backstage so he's not getting geeked up before the show, we'll have a new-school Marvin Gaye for years to come.

Is it me or did Maxie steal the infamous "Soy Bomb" dance? You be the judge, dear reader. I'm about to go to bed. If you live in NY, let me know what's good for the weekend. I'll be in town.

WILL OBAMA KILL GANGSTER RAP?

2008-11-07T00:00:00.001-05:00

I had the unfortunate luck of attending the BET Hip-Hop Awards last month at the Atlanta Civic Center. On the way towards the gate, walking from the parking lot, I saw plenty of friends and even one of my former interns, which still trips me out to this day because it makes me remember that I’ve actually had people work under me for free before I was 25. Wow @ the music business...

Anyway, she and her friend, who I’ve also known for the same amount of years, were headed in the opposite direction of me as I was walking up Piedmont. We saw each other, hugged, and I ~~asked~~ axed them where they were going. “To sell these tickets and get the hell out of here.” They both seemed like they were beyond anxious to get rid of the tickets, and almost gave off the vibe that they were secretly willing to just toss them into a sewage drain. Maybe because they knew that the minstrel show was about to pop off.

Once I got inside, I realized that sometimes the student can teach the teacher. Those girls made much better usage of their time than I did for the next two hours, even if they did nothing more than stare at a piece of chewing gum on the street until 10pm. BET should have let Oreck vacuums sponsor the event and could have given out free FlexiStraws to the audience members, because the show simply sucked.

The three performances that stood out the most were the Salt-N-Pepa/Yo-Yo/Rage/Mc Lyte ladies’ night show with the "Whatta Man" campaign, the Common/N.E.R.D mosh pit which featured Lil’ Wayne, Swizz Beats and T-Pain, and presidential thug Young Jeezy, who performed from a bully pulpit onstage while openly and enthusiastically supporting Obama for president.

Now that the election is over, Obama is in transition between his current job and his future one, naming cabinet members and appointing point persons to assist in building his administration. There is a fervent level of support within the Hip-Hop community for the new leader of the free world, and everyone from listeners to artists are unified with pride. Young Jeezy’s “My President is Black” is blaring from thousands of old school Chevrolets in any and every hood in America, while Will.i.am and John Legend are rocking stadiums with "Yes We Can." Even the moguls are involved with the moment. Everybody won!

Yet it was rumored that someone behind-the-scenes, on behalf of President-Elect Barack Obama, quietly requested to Sean Combs, Sean Carter and Mary J. Blige—among other A-list celebs and entertainers—that they refrain from attending the victory celebration in Grant Park on Election Night. Speculation ensued that this was so that no attention would be diverted away from the man of the moment. But you didn’t have to look too closely to spot the most powerful woman in the world, Oprah Winfrey (in her money green business suit) or the Reverend Jesse Jackson Sr., who kept a finger to his lips, his arms tightly crossed and his face wet with what appeared to be some form of moisture. Whether or not this was actually salt water in the form of tears is up for question and not confirmed at press time.

Those two celebrity entertainers made sure that they weren’t outside of the view of the video cameras. What I took from their presence was that Obama stood in between the old guard and the current establishment, but that did not include Hip-Hop--at least not yet. Some of us are probably already calling foul and seeing the exclusion of the Hip-Hop power elite as biting the feeding hand of urban culture, which could of course be reasonably included as one of the major factors that resulted in the election of Mr. Obama. I even read somewhere that dead prez, the radical black militant rap group, is already kicking up dust and drawing a line in the cultural sand between themselves and the soon-to-be "44." How this is going to boost their careers, I have no idea, but I do remember that they were open supporters of Cynthia McKinney and Rosa Clemente, which was quite the fairy tale if you ~~ask~~ axe me; no disrespect to Bill Clinton. And I do remember that, as much as I admire what dead prez does for Hip-Hop, they are a little too ill to be taken seriously sometimes, and it's way too early to cast Obama as the next Uncle Tom.

The question is, will Obama ever have a concert on the lawn of the White House that looks anything similar to this year's BET Hip-Hop Awards? We know Common is invited automatically, and Michelle will probably use her pull to get Salt-N-Pepa added to the lineup, but will Young Jeezy get to perform at the inauguration? Does Obama need him anymore, if he ever did? Or does Young Jeezy need Obama now, and does he foolishly expect to be embraced as a former “snowman” turned Democratic activist? Should he hold his breath waiting to be named the new national drug czar chosen to be in charge of the ONDCP? Or is this a prime opportunity for people like Young Jeezy and Ludacris to join the national political debate as leaders of the new school of Hip-Hop, not to mention southerners with a listening audience in the millions? That could turn into votes one day, which could turn colors like Georgia Red to Obama Blue.

Or will we see something that nobody expects but everybody knows is possible: President Obama will openly repudiate the culture of gangster rap and promote creative arts without graphic sexual, violent, racially insensitive or just brutally obscene language? Will the first black presidency be the first bullet in the heart of Street-Hop? Or will President-Elect Obama continue to see our Hip-Hop movement as irreverently relevant rebel music?

I’m pretty sure that we should get ready for certain rappers to be avoided full-time by the White House and the Democratic Party now that it's all over, while others will be promoted vigorously. Don’t be surprised if Obama has more White House concerts and public events with Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen on the stage than Jay-Z and Puffy; let's just admit that for right now, there’s nothing wrong with that. Let's allow the dust to settle and the emotions to calm for now and let our man Barack tell us his preference of mood music. Just because he might prefer Anita Baker and Maxwell to Keyshia Cole and Lil' Wayne doesn't mean that he will let himself to be used to destroy the force that provided the strongest push for his new position of power.

I think that Obama's true feelings about rap music and Hip-Hop culture will come out in the next four years and we can't expect him to say all positive things, especially if we continue to allow certain artists to keep popping champagne bottles, making money rain from the sky during a savage recession, retelling stale drug war stories and pimping those beautiful black women they adore enough to call "bitches" over mechanical, uninspired beats and melodies. I wouldn't expect it this year, but you know it's coming. And how will we respond?

Time to grow up, Hip-Hop. We’ve got one of our own behind the big microphone now. Let the man lead and don’t bump the turntables while you're trying to get noticed by the cameras doing the Cupid Shuffle at the inauguration. And please don’t shoot up the party if you aren't on the guest list. You already know what they'll say about us the next day on Fox News.

Q-TIP LIVES?!

2008-11-06T08:02:00.004-05:00

Pardon my decision to stay away from the whole "Yay, Obama!" blog movement since Tuesday night, but just so it's said and out of the way, I am not only thrilled about our new President-Elect Barack Obama, but I'm ready to start working on what must be done. The celebration and shock factor can't last too long; we have this weekend and the inauguration to party. Every other moment will have to be used for progress so that we don't lose this opportunity. So don't get gassed.

But if you do need additional fuel to move with purpose through all the hatred and sodium of our GOP ~~enemies~~ friends who lost their asses in the election casino, I can't think of a better new album to ~~download for the freeski~~ purchase at this incredible moment in history than Q-Tip's new jaint The Renaissance. First of all, the Abstract Poetic is just timeless; that's all. If I had to select one person as a living definition of a true MC with staying power and obvious love and concern for the artform, it would be Tip without a question. Remember how badly I spazzed out when Lupe Fiaschoe came sideways out of his neck after botching the Tribe tribute at the VH-1 show? You just don't diss Tribe, and Q-Tip is Tribe, and Tribe is Hip-Hop.

From title to tempo, this album fits exactly into the groove of today, as if it were taylor made to remind us that artistry doesn't have to change if it's good enough to make the world change on demand. Within The Renaissance, the rhythm, basslines, record scratches and samples all blend together with Tip's signature ageless voice to create the same feeling one remembers from the days when the Native Tongues were the Wu-Tang of the world.

If you're looking for some type of lyrical gymnastics, I'd suggest you go cop some Lupe and an encyclopedia to guide you through whatever the hell he's talking about. With Q-Tip, you get the benefit of a guy who is confident enough in his talent and intelligence that he doesn't have to try to prove it to you; he just displays them and lets you decide whether it's digable or not. Simplicity has always been Q-Tip's most effective tool, and he uses it to sooth the savagery to which rap music has been addicted for the past __ years. And before you ~~ask~~ axe, I don't have a favorite jam on this album. The whole album is my favorite jaint right now. Jesus, this one is right on time.

It's hard to be in a bad mood when the beat starts bumping along and the keyboards and the words start dancing along to the drums. Even when you wake up like I did this morning, at 5:00am, because a nerve pushed through and cracked a molar next to an slowly incoming wisdom tooth, causing me to reorganize financial plans for upcoming dental expenses. Teeth suck.

It's a good thing that I can look forward to living under the rule of a black president soon, plus these aspirins are working hard enough so that I don't have to pop the hydrocodone horse pill I keep in case of emergencies like this. When you add The Renaissance to this mix, I am far from complaining. Life is a circus of happiness and pain, and you have to balance the two at all times. Music like this from my man Q-Tip proves that even with the loss of his Ummah partner Jay Dee/J. Dilla and most of his records in a house fire ten years ago, the brother is an unstoppable force.

My, these is motivating times!! Shout to the homie DALLAS PENN.

FLOWERS FOR SHAKE, TOOT AND JENNIFER

2008-11-04T00:24:00.009-05:00

[Listening to Viva La Hova, the new mash-up of Jay-Z and Coldplay, trying to stay in a positive mood for the greatest day ever. GET LIKE ME.]

Out of all times to pass away, I believe that those who have either lost or will lose their lives before Wednesday of this week are victims of cruel, tragic timing. Appropriately and respectively, I'll begin with my thoughts on the unthinkable Hudson family incident, because the funeral was held this morning and you're probably already tired of hearing about it. I don't know if I'm more afraid of the fact that a human being could do something so ugly, so publicly, or if this is the new normal.

Times like these, when real people die from real bullets--especially when said real people are innocents--make it difficult to listen to some of my favorite gangter rap songs because the lyrics come a little too close to reality for comfort in this case. For what it's worth, I don't blame Hip-Hop or rap, or drugs or guns for what happened to Jennifer Hudson's family. I blame the lack of intelligent minds in abundance. But our world culture has to change quickly if we're going to stop thinking about doing crazy shit like this, much less making rap songs about it. We've got to adjust right now, especially with this first chance in history to truly change the world. While we're at it, there are a few people who deserve recognition and respect, who gave it all they had but somehow did not reach today like you and I.

To begin, I'll be honest and say that I'm completely flattened by the apparent suicide of Shakir Stewart, the Executive Vice President of Def Jam Music Group, who I've known personally for 11 years. I met pretty much everybody who was ever in a position to cut a respectable check in Atlanta back when the music business was really booming, like around the mid-90's, when I started interning for So So Def. I always liked to believe that Shakir was just lucky enough to beat me by three years to Atlanta because he was blessed with perfect timing, but the truth is that he was made for the job he was given, therefore he excelled. He was the deadly combination of an intelligent hustler who was somehow always a few steps ahead. One thing I remember him saying a lot is "Work hard; play hard." My thoughts are now with his family, the rest of his friends, family and co-workers from the LaFace/HITCO days, and especially L.A. Reid--he pretty much hand-picked Shakir to be his successor in the game, and now he's gone before fully reaching his potential, which was still probably two years away. I absolutely believe that Shake would have signed the next artist to sell 10-million albums. Seriously, I don't hate or fear death, but I hate this. And that's all I have to say about that.

And by now, we all have heard about Senator Barack Obama's grandmother, Madelyn Payne Dunham, a.k.a. "Toot", who unfortunately left life behind for a higher existence, just hours before her grandson would be chosen by the people to lead the nation and become the most powerful man in the world. Not much more to say except "I'm sorry," which isn't enough or even appropriate, since I have nothing to do with it.

None of these stories are more tragic than the next, and none are to be forgotten. All serve to show that it is always darkest before the dawn, and things will always worsen before they change for the better. To you and yours, I offer my best hopes for a peaceful day and a glorious Wednesday morning, when we will together see the dawn of a bright new day while remembering to take an extra moment to remember those who we wished could stand with us as we celebrate the arrival of the future.

VIVA LA VIDA.

ALTERED BEAST - THE REINCARNATION

2008-10-22T00:04:00.006-04:00

"Rise from your grave!"

Thank God I don't work for you, oh my brothers and sisters. If I did, I'd actually be in danger of being fired, because Lawd knows I haven't attended to the job of blogging since we hit October together. You would think that I'd continue to put up those pesky Obama campaign posts as promised, but nope. The way I see it, my job is not to just lurk for news on all the normal sites and post an opinion everyday just for the sake/fuck of it. Sorry if I set you up to be disappointed but it makes way more sense to take my time and put out quality over quantity. Creativity over consistency--all day homie. I'd rather do a great thing once and retire with respect than do a cheap thing forever and be branded as consistently marginal when I'm gone. Call it what you like. Maybe I'm just ungassed enough to know that Senator Barack Obama will win without me, so I can relax and watch history being made without my help.

See, I recently hit a monumental point in my life, wherein I decided to say, "Fuck you." And I don't mean that to be taken personally by you, dear readers. Quite to the contrary, you are something of an anomaly; you read this blog without promotion, marketing or gimmicks. I mean that rhetorically as a retort to those who would allow me to go on slaving just because I wanted to be noticed. I'd rather not be noticed for a flash in the pan, actually, and I consider anything gimmicky to be hot pepper on the stovetop. Speaking of gimmicks...

I'm at odds with myself on what to do with this blog. The whole trial (and error) of putting the word "Dead" in every post title became tiring and restrictive, and it was one of the things that forced a creative vacation. My return sort of signals that I'm ready to make some changes, but I've grown to love and hate this damned thing, which lets me know that it just might be permanent. Is that good or bad? I have no idea. I do know that I feel as if this blog is less of a ball and chain commitment than a labor of love. I can't possibly stop being expressive about the things that I write here, lest I let my guard down and dwindle into unchallenging thoughts and ideas. And that would be figurative death by spiritual abandonment.

By the way, did you know that DOLEMITE IS DEAD? Yeah, I saw it today while I was at work. That's another thing; I've got a new job. It's crazy that it came during a period of negative economic growth, but it gave me a fresh new perspective. I can't lie; it feels great to know that I'm going to get a check when I expect it and it actually pays the bills and leaves extra behind, not even considering my ultimate hustle of writing and promoting. Sure, I want Rudy Ray Moore to rest in eternal peace, but that doesn't mean pimping is dead.

I'm actually in a great place right now. Autumn is setting in, the leaves are dying and changing colors from green to gold, brown to burnt, falling to the earth to fertilize the future. It's a wonderful process that recycles life on our planet, and the earthtones create some of the best scenery you can witness when doing something as simple as walking through a nature trail. Don't forget I'm 1/3 white.

I don't know, dear readers. It just seems like I'm always on the opposite end of the world. When shit is shitty, life is gravy for me. When everybody else is partying, I'm feeling pitiful. Maybe it's only right that the changing tide brings me new fortunes. Hell, you might even say I deserve it, after having gone through that good ol' hard knock life that your boy S. Carter so eloquently mused about. Maybe I'm becoming that person I'm supposed to be, or always was, without the detriment of outside wickedness. Or maybe I'm just drunk off this pitcher of Bud Light I've almost finished.

Whatever the case, I do appreciate your patience and suggest that you hang around. Trust me, big changes going to keep coming. Actually, don't trust me. Just don't act surprised.

Viva la Vida!

ANOTHER WAY TO DIE (Besides reading my blog)

2008-10-08T19:51:00.007-04:00

I hope you didn't come here looking for reassurance about the debates last night. EVERYBODY SAYS that Senator Barack Obama won the night. The whole country. Most surprising is the fact that FOX NEWS even had to relent and say that Senator John McCain didn't pull it off. In other words, this race is over. You know as well as I do that the next POTUS is also going to be the first ~~black~~ African-American one. And "that one" happens to be Obama.

But enough of that. I'm kind of tired of politics for a minute anyway, and I've noticed that I'm slacking on Hip-Hop, which in my absence has been seeing its vital statistics slipping a bit. Yet before I get back to wifey, I still feel like cheating a bit with R&B and rock & roll. Pardon me while I lose myself...

One of my favorite groups is The White Stripes. Jack White is murder on the guitar, and it just so happens that he's one of those multi-talented cats that can write lyrics, produce them (without computers) and perform them--both vocally and instrumentally--at a higher grade of artistic delivery than most, if not almost all rock artists in modern music.

So you can imagine how crunk I became when I heard a while back that Jack White and Alicia Keys are comiserating together on the new, Amy Winehouse-less theme song to the upcoming JAMES BOND film, Quantum of Solace. The title of the song is the same as the title of this post, if that helps at all.

I can't lie; Alicia Keys is dope. And even though they could have put some T-Pain in there somewhere, I have to say that this is a funky ass song. I dig shite like this; you can catch me at any moment on the interstate in your hometown, blasting some wild rock song with heavy bottomed bass drums and a slap-happy snare and cymbal mash-up. My only real complaint is that White and Keys sound amazingly off-pitch on the chorus, trying to hit the same note with two different sets of vocal cords. As a remedy, I would have had Jack sing in the lower octave, which would have added a fuller sound and given it even more funk. It's not like they ~~asked~~ axed for my musical expertise, but it's here anyway, so I might as well speak when I see fit.

Either which-a-way, I'm still going to download this song as soon as I can find it and create a new Rock mixtape for the ride to and from work for the next week. Hopefully this shit doesn't make me ghost-ride the whip into a graveyard as a result of trying to crank that air guitar while driving. If somebody finds a link, send it on. Yes, I'm weird. Learn to love it.

DEBATE IS DEAD

2008-10-07T21:00:00.000-04:00

There are not many things that could get me to change my preference in the upcoming presidential election, oh my brothers and sisters. As I said in a column earlier this year, Senator Barack Obama would have to get caught naked with either a dead girl or a live boy to stop me from voting for him. Tonight, he has a town-hall style debate in the city where I was born—Nashville, Tenn.—with Senator John McCain over who should be The Man with the master plan for 2009-2012 and beyond. I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow with the only commentary that you need to read. Until then, happy viewing.

Free advice: Whatever you do, don’t listen to any Republikkkan spin after the debate is over. Turn the channel if you have to—MSNBC will keep it trillie—but don’t let right wing nuts make up your mind for you.

It’s Yours!

RELIGION IS DEAD

2008-10-03T19:33:00.007-04:00

Thank Jebus it's Friday. Speaking of The Lawd, there's a movie coming out that I'm going to try to see sometime this weekend called RELIGULOUS. It's Bill Maher's journalistic satire of religion, and by most reviewer's accounts, it promises to be funny to OBJECTIVISTS like myself while pissing off most Evangelical neo-conservative lunatics and hopefully every other manipulating servant of Satan that pretends to speak the language of spirituality. You know the type...

I don't know your views on Christianity, Islam or Judaism, but you're more than welcome to ~~ask~~ axe God to strike me down for saying that I am highly interested in what this documentary-styled film contains, or you can just leave a comment and be less dramatic. But if you wish to know, I am neither an atheist nor an agnostic, but I have serious questions about the factual or plain-old believable issues that are preached in the name of The Lawd, especially down here under the bible belt, where assholes and dickheads alike stink up the region with their quiet quest for money, power and fame--all in the name of Jesus Christ, Muhammad or MATISYAHU. God knows he has some strange followers that probably believe that he wrote the Old Testament or some next shit like that. Me? I was raised as a Baptist, and I had to go to chuuch all the got-damn time. I would hear all types of buffoonery. A quick list of some of the nonsense includes:

1. If you kill yourself, you're going to Hell.
2. If you're gay, you're going to Hell.
3. If you say "God Damn" too many times, you're going to Hell.

Now, I can't vouch for two of those, because I'm neither gay or dead from suicide. But I lost my fear of speaking my mind years ago, and sometimes you just can't substitute another phrase for the all-powerful "Gyeaad--DAAAYYUM!!" And besides, don't act like a lot of the men that attend mostly black churches aren't apple bottom biters on the low, if you follow. Maybe on the high... But please believe: God has been very good to me, so don't assume that I'm not a believer. I just don't let another human being get between our relationship, so I really have little to no use for modern evangelists, preachers and such.

The few spiritual leaders that I do respect have always agreed that there is no such thing as an unforgivable sin as long as you've accepted God into your life. The others have always made up things that they claim can be found in The Good Book. By the way, it is a good book, but did you know that the Bible was in fact not written by God? A man actually took the trees that God created on "his" earth, in "his" universe, and cut them into shreds so that he could print money, collect 10% of others' income and give it all back to God. God made man and man made money selling God's magnum opus.

OUCH-- I just got struck by a bolt of lightning! But no, really, what is the point of religion? I see it as a way to control people and to turn the individual hero into a compressed weakling who cannot exist on his or her own terms. Maybe that sounds harsh, but riddle me this: when was the last time you sinned? Probably today. And the wages of sin is... you already know. Death. But guess what? You're gonna die anyway, so stop taking things so God-damned literal and learn to laugh at life while you have it. Sheesh!

I expect to laugh incredibly loud at Religulous, but I do not expect anyone to volunteer to see it with me. And while I believe it will do decent numbers at the box office, I can also clearly see the future, when the zealots start protesting and calling for HBO to cancel his show like Comedy Central did back when he started FREESTYLING about September 11. If there's anything guaranteed in America, it is religious persecution, which is pretty sad when you remember that this country was supposedly founded as an antidote to intolerance.

You mad? Who cares. Take it up with the man, woman or entity upstairs. But please, save your accusations of blasphemy for someone that's stupid. I have always believed that the spirit of God lives in each of us, therefore we can communicate directly with the great spirit without the need of an intermediary or middleman. As long as we have pastors with perms, private jets and penthouse apartments that preach prosperity, I'll happily refrain from spending my sacred Sunday afternoon doing anything as ridiculous as attending a "house of God" that man built and paid for. Isn't God already rich? Doesn't "he" own the earth, as well as the universe? How much sense does it then make to cut down "his" trees, turn them into currency and give 10% of the paper product back to "him"?

God don't like ugly. And yes, I know I might go to Hell for this, but like The Last Poets said, "If there's Hell below, we're all gonna go!"

STRATEGY IS DEAD

2008-10-02T18:35:00.004-04:00

There's a lot of talk today about this whole debate debacle, as Governor Sarah Palin faces the world in a test of preparedness against Senator Joseph Biden of Delaware.

No one expects Biden to "lose" this debate, which is highly dangerous for him and why you might have noticed both political parties playing down expectations. The wisdom is that if you handicap your player and publicly predict a low performance, even alluding to the possibility of a loss, you will easily come out on top without having to exert very much energy or intellect.

Everyone—even Palin—knows that Biden is the better, smarter and more qualified candidate. But no one knows how bad Palin will be against him. There are many risks, which include a PR nightmare scenario for Biden: he could forcefully prove that he is better, smarter and more qualified, thus causing a sense of resentment. Nobody likes a know-it-all, and everybody loves the underdog. America is huge on victims and charity.

So if Biden engages Palin, he runs the risk of looking like a father, which would also immediately transform him into an old, chauvinist misogynist by default. "Who does Joe Biden think he is, dismissing a woman so fervently?" I can already see Elizabeth's lips flapping tomorrow morning on The View, and it's not at all as if I plan on watching The View.

You can see what type of dilemma that Biden is in, and how millions of Republikkkan lackeys, flunkies and surrogates are prepared to spin this into a victory for Palin no matter how badly she fails tonight. So there's only one way that Biden can soundly rout Palin in their one and only VEEP debate:

He's got to surrender.

Yes; the senator must hold back his mental arsenal of foreign policy, economics, law, social issues, education, energy and anything else he knows that would warrant an answer to any of Gwen Ifill's questions longer than two sentences. We already know that the campaign of Senator John McCain is trying to DISCREDIT Ifill because she has written a book called Breakthrough: Politics and Race in the Age of Obama. If it is perceived that she is tossing journalistic "softballs" at Biden, it will appear as if GOP commentators were correct in assuming that she was already in pocket as an Obama loyalist and supporter. If he answers a question exceptionally well, Republikkkans will yell that the fix is in. Sheesh… at least McCain finally came out and admitted that Ifill, highly respected as an objective political journalist, will probably do a great job, as always.

On the other hand, if he decides to limit his answers, it will put pressure on Palin to best him. If she rambles, she will slip. If she keeps her answers similarly short, she will look like she's following Biden's lead because she is incompetent and has no answers. If she answers them correctly and blows everyone away with her understanding of the issues, she will still be less qualified as Biden, because no one with an I.Q. over 60 could possibly believe that he is not ready to step in at a moment's notice.

Biden will win regardless, but public relations can be a bitch to control, and you'd better believe that those wacky, Kool-Aid drinking Republikkkans are already preparing their victory statements for the morning news shows. Palin is a nincompoop, and it doesn't take an intellectual bombardment from Biden to expose this. Allow her to be the cause of her own political death, and she will most certainly euthanize herself on the public stage, proving to everyone that she never belonged behind that podium in the first place.

The best strategy is a non-strategy. If Biden follows my advice, I guarantee that he will have slayed the "LEVIATHAN OF FORENSICS" without having to raise his voice. And you can bet that if Biden walks away clean, the conservatives who were once all too giddy with the pretty lady from Alaska will attack her themselves, or simply decide as early as tomorrow that they cannot support the GOP ticket in November.

BIPARTISANSHIP IS DEAD

2008-09-29T19:26:00.006-04:00

These Republikkkan monkeys have once again dicked the American economy--they voted against the bailout bill that was to stabilize the economy and save your ass and mine. So I hate to sound like a pessimist, but in all likelyhood, you and I are economically dead. Today was THE WORST DAY EVER for point losses on the Dow Jones. Stocks fell 777 points. That means that this is no longer your lucky number when gambling your money on things that are not certain, such as slot machines and/or stocks.

Right now, you can go to your favorite television news channel or website and read all about how you are now financially screwed for the rest of your short life, and how nobody is to blame, because nobody really wanted to vote for the economic bailout bill, but nobody wanted this outcome. Confusion is setting in, and nobody's claiming responsibility for this fuckfest of obscene and historic economic proportions. Everyone is pointing fingers, but of course, you can ultimately thank the GOP. They are BLAMING A SPEECH for their backstabbing denial of the plan.

Why don't people get it by now? I agree; taxpayer money should not be used to settle debts that billion-dollar companies accrue, but it's also true that billion-dollar companies--especially banks--not only employ but lend money to a high amount of Americans, who use those funds to start businesses, pay their mortgages and send their kids to colleges.

What I'm hearing is that this problem is not so much a stock market issue as it is a credit issue. It's the negative trickle-down effect: the banks fail, so they're seized or sold to the highest bidder at dollar store prices. The surviving banks can't afford to take the risk of lending money, because they have assumed a heavy financial burden, and since things are so tenuous, nobody's in the position to lend any money. As a result, nobody starts new businesses, nobody creates new jobs and everything falls flat on its ass. Welcome to the true recession, oh my brothers and sisters.

So who's really to blame? I'm sure you're going to call me biased, which I am, but the truth is the truth: this is a Republikkkan screw-up. House Minority Leader John Boehner allowed his party to vote 2-1 against the bailout plan, which would have immediately infused $250 billion into this wack-ass economy of ours. The Democrats, led by Speaker Nancy Pelosi, Majority Leader Steny Hoyer and Rep. Barney Frank, had 60% of their people in the "yes" category. So we see who really wanted to save the economy.

I can't say that I don't understand why someone might think that the bailout plan was suspect. I mean, we don't even know how much was going to go to the shady CEOs who put companies like Wachovia, WaMu, Bear Stearns and others in the hole. How do you get rewarded for shitting on your investors and employees? Why do you deserve a bonus or a severance package when it is your pissy performance that depleted the resources of a Wall Street powerhouse? Who died and made your fake ass the new king?

Look, I'm not trying to be an asshole here. I think that the Republikkkans weren't trying to be dickheads, but they've created a serious problem. Since they've killed the bill, they are now responsible for putting up an alternative that has a chance at passage. If they don't, then they should be drowned in a pool of elephant stool. It'll serve them right; you don't hate on the only plan you have if you don't have something to replace it. All you're doing is being a disgruntled idiot that just wants to disrupt progress and create further emergencies. Oh yeah, I forgot; that's what the Republikkkans do anyway...

The moral of the story is that we need the Democratic Party to come back to true power. That means that we can't do with just a small majority in the House and the Senate; we need the White House, and eventually the Supreme Court. The GOP has had its chance, and we see what that has given us. Now, if we allow a 72-year old geezer and his MILF sidekick to continue this bullshite, we're seriously doomed. Like really, you should just kill yourself on November 5 and save them the trouble of doing it for you. Lord knows we won't even be able to afford a state execution by then. Why does this shit remind me of BLACK MONDAY?

Of course, you can THANK MCCAIN FOR ALL HIS HELP. He's a maverick, and he suspended his campaign just to make sure this thing went through. Still voting for this loser, are you?

COMEDY IS DEAD: CHRIS ROCK RETURNS TO THE STAGE

2008-09-27T22:04:00.003-04:00

I saw this guy at the Essence Festival in July, and all I can say is that he deserves his place on top of the black comics' game. There are funny comedians, hilarious comedians, wack comedians, dead comedians, missing comedians like Dave Chappelle, rising comedians like Katt Williams, and then there's the Rock.

What makes Chris Rock a great comedian is his diverse intelligence. He goes over a lot of ground in his live show, and even though his material has become much more vulgar, it has simultaneously become smarter and more worldly. Rock has become better with time, because he has not allowed himself to got the route of Eddie "I'm too busy with these wack-ass movies" Murphy, who he has always called one of his comedic mentors. But we all know that Eddie's shine has been supplanted by Chris's tenacity and consistency. Both men have selected or accepted some very suspect roles in some very dumb movies, but Rock has turned down the check to his own reputation's advantage. Eddie is just taking the check and showing the same cheesy, coony smile every time he shows his mug around Hollywood. And to think, Eddie used to be the funniest guy in the world...

Now, the poor guy is just a lost multi-millionaire, with a love child owned by Scary Spice, a recent snub at the Oscars and Johnny Gill as his last, best friend that he can trust to do anything for him if ~~asked~~ axed. What the hell happened to Arsenio? He would have never let his former BFF do a movie this lame...

All I know is that of all the funnymen out there who do their jobs by making people with senses of humor actually exercise their intellects, Rock is among the very best that existed. As a black comic, he dances across the fine line of telling the ugly truth and making it loveable, like a common pain that we all feel and have learned to live through together. He'll be in the history books if he keeps it up.

So watch his show if you have HBO. It's on right now if you're on the east coast; it plays at 10pm if you're on the Pacific side. Trust me.

CHESTER IS ALIVE

2008-09-27T20:50:00.005-04:00

Tony Alamo, a man of the cloth, has been watching too much Sesame Street, it seems; thus, his career as an epostle of the Lawd IS OFFICIALLY DEAD. He has been arrested for being a weird pervert, but this is far from the first time. Alamo was convicted of tax-related charges in 1994 and given a four-year prison sentence, after the IRS claimed that he owed $7.9 million to the government. Prosecutors argued during the trial that he was a flight risk, a polygamist and a weirdo, who not only prayed for forgiveness but also preyed on married women and young girls in his flock.

According to his beliefs and theology, a woman is ready to marry at the point of puberty. It says so in the bible, according to whatever chapter he's read. He and his now deceased wife Susan founded a Christian ministry in 1969. When she died in 1982, he KEPT HER IN THE BASEMENT, asking his followers to pray over her displayed body so that she would rise like Lazarus. Wow.

This most recent arrest occurred at the hands of the F.B.I., at his cult compound in Arkansas five days after his 74th birthday:

On September 20, 2008, federal and state investigative agents raided the Arkansas headquarters of the ministry as part of a child pornography investigation. This investigation involved allegations of physical abuse, sexual abuse and allegations of polygamy and underage marriage. According to Terry Purvis, mayor of Fouke, Arkansas, his office has received complaints from former ministry members about allegations of child abuse, sexual abuse and polygamy since the ministry established itself in the area. In turn, Purvis turned over information about the allegations to the FBI. Alamo denied the child abuse allegations. On September 25, 2008, Alamo was arrested by Arizona police and FBI agents in Flagstaff, Arizona on charges that he transported minors over state lines for sexual activity in violation of the Mann Act.

SOURCE: WIKIPEDIA

Here's a video of how Alamo, pronounced "A-Lame-O" by the Fox News personality interviewing him, believes that the Lawd will deliver him from the wickedness of the world, and how women shouldn't yap their stupid mouths off.

Jesus, what evil hath men done in thy name? R.Kelly wears Jesus pieces on the regular, and he pees on any pre-pubescent Punky Brewster he pleases. Nobody complains, and his star stock actually rises. He can even get on TV and come across as Chesterly as ever, taking no responsibility for anything he may have done while asking heaven for a hug.

But that's still not enough. Did you know he started a business selling sequined denim jackets under his own name, and his failure to report his revenues to the IRS would land him in prison for tax evasion? I mean, what kind of pervert makes his living selling stonewashed and airbrushed denim? No wonder he was ashamed of claiming his earnings.

Catholic priests have been fondling a lot more than their own balls and bibles, oh my brothers and sisters. Some, it seems, may secretly use their Rosary beads on themselves, if you follow. Then you have the whole "gay marriage" debate, which in my opinion is not worthy of any debate. Civil unions are just fine with me, but marriage is and should always be used for lovers of the opposite sex. This is not a religious issue; it's a natural one. I thought that one of the major reasons to get married was so that your child would not have to go through life with the title of "illegitimate." But now that's all dead, and the children are going to be raised by couples made of husbands and wives that can ~~ask~~ axe each other, "How's it hanging, honey?" How do all of the fatherless bastards of today feel about this, I wonder?

This is what happens when we condemn sex as an ungodly act. Not only do people go underground with their weirdness and freaky ambitions, but the criminals become the equals of people who aren't even committing crimes. I just hope that the true believers out there take this as a message and start getting serious about cleaning up their churches--from the inside out. Nolo.

I wonder who's gonna be next?

SORRY - MY INTERNET WAS DEAD

2008-09-26T19:45:00.004-04:00

Please don't mind my absence. I've missed updating the blog more than you know. The only problem is that I've recently moved, and I have no internet connection at the new spot. So I'm having to hit various places and post new content whenever I can, and this week has been especially hectic when it comes to free time.

Anyway, forget all of that. Excuses are like pee-holes. Just so you know, I'm going to be getting it on tonight when it comes to the blog, because I feel like I've been wrong by not updating like I'm 'posed to. Thanks for bearing with your boy through my bear market of blogging. I'm still negotiating, but the bailout is coming soon; I promise. Until then, just watch TV or something. Matter of fact, THE DEBATES ARE ON TONIGHT @ 9PM EST!!

I'm going to put something up very soon. Preshate the patience, and at the same time, you're all welcome.

BIRTHDAYS ARE DEAD

2008-09-24T00:36:00.003-04:00

If you know somebody that's a Libra, give them a pound today. Michael Jordan, otherwise known as THE BEST WRITER ALIVE, is celebrating a birthday today, oh my brothers and sisters. In memoriam of his dead Myspace blog and the success of this weird, savage undertaking that you are now reading, he decided to post one for nostalgia's sake. I mean, KANYE WEST might be reading it, or at least some great writers from around the globe. Might as well flex some mental muscle from MJ's Think Tank.

This one was called "The Birthday Blog." It was posted two years ago on ~~Tom's~~ Rupert's social networking site. Since we're two years past, I went ahead and updated it for flow and maturity. Enjoy it like it's the last blog you'll ever read.

############################################################

THE BIRTHDAY BLOG

As hard as I tried not to do this, I broke down 30 seconds ago and decided to write a blog on my birthday. My honest intention was to just clog the Bulletin Board with announcements and irritate people the way they do me everyday. I figured this one time it was for a good cause; those bastards never mind asking me to "CLICK HERE TO SEE MY TITS!", so I don't mind telling everybody that I was born 100 years ago today. At least that's what my profile should say if it's working. How old am I really? Well, I'll admit to being old enough to have finished college (which I haven't), old enough to have put 10 years in the music/media business, wise enough to know that kicking a dead horse won't make it trot and young enough to get carded faithfully when ordering a drink.

Some of the things I've learned thus far are listed below, in no particular order:

- Family is most important. True friends are family, and everyone else is an outsider.

- Women will get you killed.

- The truth is a joke. Try telling a Republican that they're ruining the world. I bet they laugh.

- Never plan your day around someone else's schedule. I've been telling myself that for 12 years, and it's finally kicked in, giving me the ability to feel great about being self-centered and to stop worrying about anyone else's actions.

- You don't necessarily have to put God first. He/She is first anyway, and you're going to figure it out the hard way unless you embrace the grand reality of life.

- I'm the best writer alive. And yes, I mean it.

- Some people never change, for better or worse.

- With the exception of what we call "Kush", Drugs are Bad. Mmkay?

- Most people don't read. They just look at the paper and criticize the pictures.

- You can't work for someone who can't pay you.

- Politics are important, because if you have to put up with liars, you have to pick the ones who are most sincere.

- For some reason, Black people are a threat. Don't ask me why.

- The music industry doesn't exist, like the Mafia or the illuminati.

- Sex cures anything. Except STDs.

- Having musical talent can and will save your life.

- Gossipping men are most likely perpetual masturbators. Eventually they run out of friends and sympathizers.

- Celebrity Blogs are like right-wing radio: destroying our collective conscience day after day after day...

- By the time you read this, I'll be tipsy off some high quality red wine. Spoil yourself; no one else will.

- You have to find something to live for before you start considering what you'd die for.

- Capitalism has good and bad points, but it's still a better system than anything other current model.

- People think that love is about sacrifice, but it doesn't have to be. It could simply and purely be about love, if you think about it.

- Grudges will get you nowhere, but not all things should be forgiven easily.

- You can't compete with someone who doesn't see you as competition.

- There are some moments, people and incidents that you never get over. In order to survive, gotta learn to live with regrets.

AND STILL MOST IMPORTANT...

- I'm Free.

MODESTY IS DEAD: THE OBAMA CRUSADE CONTINUES

2008-09-22T20:00:00.000-04:00

Pass the high-class mustard, oh my brothers and sisters. It has been announced that Senator John McCain, who believes that you aren't rich until you have $5 million, IS THE NUMBER 1 STUNNA WHEN IT COMES TO CARS.

Man, it's gotta be nice to be a Republikkkan. You know, once you sign your soul over to Satan, that your whip game will forever be proper. Not only that, but you probably get to drink Arnold Palmers after matches at your exclusive tennis club, while soaking in the steam down in the ~~bathhouse~~ sauna with the other good ol' boys, as you enjoy cigars and political opinions like your own. And after you've made it clear that you're of the same Confederate mind as your contemporaries, you hit the showers, change into an extra-crispy JoS. A. Banks outfit and head over to the pub for a pre-paid meal and a couple of Manhattans before you climb behind the wheel of one of your luxury automobiles - whichever one you drove that day.

Republikkkans have no idea that there's a recession going on. Not that they aren't hearing and seeing all the evidence for themselves, but they can't really be expected to believe that their favorite son, who is currently in charge, let this happen on his watch. Therefore, it didn't happen--that's how the GOP deals with today's economic climate. There is no recession, there is no stock market crisis and there is no problem in the housing sector. The fundamentals of our economy are strong, as long as they can't feel any difference in lifestyle.

I'm still astounded that McCain has managed to fool so many people. He's a member of the party that controls the White House, and while the Senate and House have technical Democratic majorities, neither house of Congress can make anything stick that Bush doesn't like, since all he has to do is push the Veto button. Without a true majority, there's no possilibity of a filibuster. But somehow, someway, people think that the Democrats are responsible for congressional failures. What they don't realize is that without that Democratic majority, things would be way worse. We should be glad they're in those seats, instead of complaining about what they haven't done yet. The Democrats holding down their elected positions are keeping McCain from buying 10 more cars while instituting the type of change that is contrary to what the men who wrote the U.S. Constitution intended. Sure, he supports alternative fuel choices for cars, but he lets his daughter buy a foreign whip?

The only change you can expect from him would be a final stake in the heart of womens' and civil rights, as he ultimately stacks another two right-wingers on top of the Supreme Court. You want to talk about change? What if McCain rolls up to the Capitol in a Rolls-Royce for his first State of the Union address and says the following:

Dear Bitches:

You are no longer free. We are now in the first phase of "Country First", my new plan of action as President. Your government now has the exclusive right to make decisions regarding your body. But congratulations; you now have the irrevocable right to life! Nobody but us, your government, can take that away from you! By the way, we might call for a draft; you know, we still do have that 100-year war that we're going to fight against, uh... Asia? Venezuela? Was it... Africa? Oh yeah, Iran!! Whatever, wherever... When we call for you to die for your country, we expect you to exercise your right to... um... choose? Wait, scratch that last thing I said. Let's just keep it real: either you fight for us when we say or you get the electric chair. And I got five friends in black robes that say I'm the man, so I bet you won't trip.

That's all for now, but don't forget to come through next weekend for the 1st Annual Johnny Mac Car & Bike Show, featuring Cindy and Sarah's wet t-shirt competition, a free Mexican buffet and a live reggaeton/kickboxing performance by Daddy Yankee and Chuck Norris! We changed the game on these hoes!!

Oh, by the way, Senator Barack Obama has one car: a Ford Escape hybrid. American made and forward-thinking on energy and oil. Change we can see, starting at the top of the ticket.

The better question might be, what the hell does McCain need 13 cars for, anyway? When's the last time he took a driver's exam? I sure as hell don't want him driving ahead, behind or onside of my car; you know how those geezers drive. After he loses the election, I can only think of one type of car he needs to be driving. And yes, it's made for retirement.

HIP-HOP SURVIVES

2008-09-20T19:41:00.006-04:00

Wow. And to think, I was just telling everyone a week ago that the new Travis Barker/DJ-AM mixtape, FIX YOUR FACE, is my current favorite CD for the house. By some incredible stroke of luck or gift from God, both men SURVIVED a plane crash yesterday. I was so blown away that I didn't even want to post it, because it seemed like a story out of a graphic novel. It's crazy to think that they could have easily died in the crash, like the other four passengers, R.I.P. Seriously; wow.

Did the Hip-Hop angels intervene? Were they rewarded with their lives because both men represent the ongoing effort to use Hip-Hop culture as a means to a unified end? Did their recent musical effort justify the allowance of their lives? I think so, oh my brothers and sisters, but don't misunderstand that assume that I'm saying that the other four deserved death because they didn't drop a mixtape last month. I just believe that these two are obviously important to the world. And I think that somebody upstairs realized that they needed to be here, like Kanye, after his crash, or 50 Cent and The Game, after being shot.

Think about it. Hip-Hop is survival music. It exists to strengthen the minds of those who will not only listen but actually hear the message of death defiance. Now, nobody can say that they don't know the struggle of survival--sheeit; they both fell out of the sky and allegedly extinguished their own flames. Say whatever you will about the mixtape, but you can't convince me that Barker and AM don't have a purpose.

So with this post, I salute Travis Barker and DJ-AM, and I offer my condolences to the families of those who were lost in the tragic crash. So what they're white; they're also our brothers, and we should be giving thanks to God for their survival, because it symbolizes the entire culture's defiance in the face of what some would assume to be certain death.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE BOUNCES BACK FROM THE DEAD

2008-09-17T22:42:00.015-04:00

[You've gotta agree: This dude is an orator of the highest order. When he shines, it's brilliant.]

TODAY:

After a horrible post-GOP performance, it seems that the dust is finally setting and Senator John McCain is going back to his position in the race, which is, of course, loser. THOSE GOOD OLD POLLS are swinging back towards the Democratic ticket. Most likely, if I had to guess, I'd say that dangling Governor Palin around for the female vote is finally starting to look like political prostitution, and McCain's bravado is slowly starting to smell like bullshit.

To say that I'm happy that Senator Barack Obama got his _____ back would not be sufficient. I was seriously starting to doubt the wisdom behind his campaign, because there is no excuse, even when playing it safely out of the way when the other team does something stupid, for a person running for POTUS to let his gloves down before the championship belt is secured, or you can get KTFO by a random right cross.

If you truly deserve something, and you know it, you'll fight for it if necessary. And I was always told that once you've been hit, you have the right to defend yourself. You can choose not to return fire--again, a personal choice--but until you respond forcefully or at least defend yourself, you are liable to be assaulted over and over until you just give up and walk away from the fight, embarassed and still being kicked and beaten as you stroll home to hide your face for a week or two.

Who wants that? Especially when the two fighers are horribly mismatched and there's no way that McCain could beat Obama at a debate? I'm not saying that Obama was quitting or giving up before this week, but it was becoming extremely disheartening to watch a champion seemingly throw the fight, especially when everyone knows that he can win, and it actually is possible, if he really, really, really wants it bad enough to go for it with everything in the bank.

I don't want to face November 5 without knowing that on this day and for the rest of the campaign, whether I cover it daily on this blog or not, I did what I thought was right and spoke what needed to be said. And if McCain wins by a landslide, I won't say anything. I won't protest and I won't whine. I'll keep working like I am today, because a McCain presidency would be no different from the current one.

But if it's close, and McCain wins by one of those Bush #43 margins, I'm going to be superpissed at Senator Obama, the Democratic Party and America, but I'll still get over it and I'll probably be content with writing my first magnum opus, depositing the check and comfortably fading into suburban life. Doesn't sound bad, huh?

Of course it does, when you consider that I could be getting ready to do the type of work that people do when they care about where they're going in life or what type of fuckery will happen to them if they sit on their asses and play satisfied. I hate just throwing out random Che Guevara information, because people don't even know why he was so influential. The guy actually worked, as in performed physical duties alongside the average Cuban men and women, at least one day a week, setting a precedent for others to join him in national service. Sure, it was kind of mandatory in a communist state, but leading by example is always better than leading by microphone, book or blog.

I'd rather be inspired by my POTUS to doing something important so that my kids, whenever they appear, don't inherit a world as dicked as the one I own today. McCain is not about to get his ass out in the community to do anything other than speak or kiss babies. Obama has already been in the field, where they say it's real. I want him to win, because it's going to take more than just his speeches to lead the country into rebuilding, redeveloping and reinventing ourselves on the world stage. It's going to take all of us, and I don't see John McCain making a significant number of people move, especially when he can barely lift his arms. Honestly, I say that with no disrespect intended, but the truth is just that fonky, oh my brothers and sisters.

So really, who cares if Obama is black, or not white, or neither and both at once? Do you really--seriously--want a strange ass woman and this septuagenarian to win, when they proclaim to be the embodiment of everything for which the GOP currently stands? How can things change if Bush isn't even interested in helping his former rival by showing a little more interest? That's how I know McCain won't win, because it's not even being properly setup. All signals point to change, and that's not a Republikkkan term, no matter how they try to steal it.

Enough for now. Gotta read a few chapters of the book and get some rest. Tomorrow, let's talk about this nasty BIDEN/CLINTON EXCHANGE RUMOR that I keep hearing, shall we? Personally, I don't buy it, but I do expect an October Surprise of some type.

Anyway, we'll deal with that bridge to nowhere when we cross it.

HOW TO KILL A COLD IN 24 HOURS

2008-09-17T22:42:00.009-04:00

Nobody has time to get sick and take a day off anymore, espeically in this wack-ass economy. Today I had to go to traffic court in C(ount)O(n)B(eing)B(usted) County to pay a ridiculous speeding fine, race back home before noon to finish an article by deadline, pay two bills, collect one work check and return a "favor" of sorts to someone at my old job who tried to get away with something shady. I must say that even with the small financial loss, which can always be replaced, today was a 100% success as far as a daily checklist goes. And I did it all with a severely nasty allergy cold--the kind where you sneeze violently and uncontrollably out of nowhere and for no reason, with leaking eye sockets and nostrils, red corneas and pale skin. I felt like I was the color green all damn day.

I'm something of an accidental health nut, and with the exception of beer, I really don't get down with a lot of mainstream food that tends to affect one's body. The crazy thing is that it's usually by accident. For instance, I hate cheese, with the exception of mozzarella on pizza. I'll drink a milkshake every few months, but I don't dig the taste of milk. And I'll be damned if I eat anything made of cream, from mayo to ranch to alfredo sauce. Again, this is not about health; it's all taste and preference.

Either way, I still get quickie-sick for a day when the seasons start to change, every year, like clockwork. So here's how I get rid of the bug when it bites.

WATER: The Essential Ingredient

You're supposed to drink 8 glasses every day anyway, but if you really want to shake a quickie-sick cold, you've gotta flush your system and stay hydrated. Especially if you're going to have 1 or 2...

HOT TODDYS: The Fun Part

Mix hot tea, brown liquor (preferably Courvoisier, Crown Royal or Jack Daniels), honey and lemon in a big-ass coffee mug and drank that ish. Good times!

CHINESE FOOD: Tastes Good, Seems Healthy

You've gotta avoid the fried stuff and anything creamy, because like milk, it carries bacteria through your body and prolongs the recovery process. But Hot & Sour soup is always a winner. While you're at it, you might as well get a bottle of...

SAKE: The Asian Wino's Hot Toddy

Sometimes this stuff can be a bit much to bear, but when you can't breath you can't smell the vinegar, so it loses the funky stench and just tastes like sour hot wine. Which still isn't great, but it does wonders for the chest.

ACAI JUICE: Antioxidants Are Gangsta

I've always liked the term "free radical." It seems like something that I could call myself. But these FRs are not good to keep around, so stuff like pomegranate juice, blueberries, cherries, dark chocolate, green or white tea, green veggies and other "superfoods" will wash away the ugliness that may have been hiding out in your bloodstream.

JALAPENO PEPPERS: Man Up

Eucalyptus, mint and peppers are great ways to jumpstart your nasal passages and breathing patterns. I've tried those little Vicks inhalers that look like suppositories, but the look you receive when you put one in your nostril and sniff it is enough to make you ashamed of yourself when you've done nothing wrong. I rock with the vaporizing balm, although it does kinda feel like Crisco when applying it. Let your lady do the honors; you'd do the same for her, right?

MULTI VITAMINS: For Extra Kick

You don't have to go buy a bottle of Centrum or anything, but having Vitamin C and Zinc is essential to this thing. Orange Juice is great, and Vitamin Water is aiight, but a supplement in the form of a big-ass pill works wonders. Trust your homie.

CHLOR-TRIMETON: Because Drugs Can Be Good

When allergies are kicking your pale ass around the house, you need to be practical. When you've had it with snotty tissue and brain-blowing sneezes, even the most hardcore naturalist will surrender to pharmaceuticals. I can't do Benadryl for the same reason I won't drink "lean." If I want to sleep, I'll just lay down. Benadryl works and all, but the drowsy side effect takes your entire day away and renders your alarm clock useless the next day. Claritin isn't bad, but it takes forever. Which reminds me; even when you become impatient and see no immediate results...

THINK POSITIVELY: Don't Worry; Be Happy

Maybe you can't wish yourself better, but you certainly can't expect to recover when you lay around, suffering, whining and talking about how miserable you are, even if you are. My thing is to subconsciously repeat to myself, "It's almost gone." By the time I'm tired of repeating the line or just forget to remember it, I'm usually feeing better. Some Bob Marley will also help, but no smoking, if you can help it.

This life is yours, in sickness and health. There's no use in giving up 24 hours just because of a 24-hour bug. Keep your mind and spirit healthy, listen to some good Hip-Hop and follow all of my advice. You'll be better than you've ever been by the second day, or double your money back. Oh yeah, what money?

Just take the advice, fool. You don't have to do all of the above, but make sure you drink water and pick whatever other trick you think best suits your lifestyle. Exercise can't hurt either, I guess; you can just dance like the dude below. Just get healthy, and don't say I never tried to told ya something good. Think about it: if Hip-Hop is to continue to survive we've gotta live longer and better lives.

If I missed anything or you have any tips, send 'em on.

THE DUMP OF DEATH

2008-09-17T02:14:00.003-04:00

The Dump of Death? | Movies & TV | SPIKE.com

Shout out to "The Doo-Doo Man," who obviously has no self-respect that a check can't buy. I know I've made some mean and vicious deposits in the early part of this year, but nothing came close to feeling as if I were on the verge of losing my life. And is that really true about Elvis and ol' boy from The Bee Gees? Dag. R.I.P. to them, I guess.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: RESURRECTED?

2008-09-16T11:00:00.000-04:00

Thank GOD! I was seriously - seriously - starting to get concerned, because this type of strategic attack took too long to happen, and it can't take this long again if Senator Barack Obama intends to win. But he did spit a classic line, and even if it wasn't a freestyle, it was certainly a Hip-Hop quotable:

“If you think those lobbyists are working day and night for John McCain just to put themselves out of business, well I’ve got a bridge to sell you up in Alaska.”

SOURCE: CNN

Get it? And if so, can I now start getting excited again about this campaign? Will we see more tenacious D from the Democrat from Illinois on the path to winning back The White House? Should I get crunk about the upcoming presidential debate next Friday?

Let's see what develops...

T.O.C: BALLING IS DEAD

2008-09-16T07:43:00.009-04:00

It finally started to appear today that the Democratic nominee and his running mate are ready to take the fight to the GOP, courtesy of the average American citizen. Why? Because Wall Street suffered a stroke yesterday, and has been hemmoraging uncontrollably ever since the bleeding began. Just the truth--the economy is completely dicked.

A.I.G., Countrywide, IndyMac, Merrill Lynch, Lehman Brothers, Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, and the list goes on... All of the banks who fell for the housing bubble fiasco and tied their anchors to the sub-prime Titanic have either crashed or fallen to government control. The government is having to bail these companies out of bankruptcy in order to avoid the alternative, which could very well be a total stock market meltdown. At the same time, oil refineries were barely touched during Hurricane Ike, but the oil barons are still allowing gas prices to remain unreasonably high right now because profits are sweet. Even as prices per barrel are falling, gas prices at the pump are not. Winter is coming, energy supplies are low and houses are now being repossessed like cars, as more and more people default on mortgage payments. And the economy lost 80k jobs in August.

It simply makes no sense how crazy everything is, yet we're seriously entertaining the debate on whether or not a Republikkkan belongs in the White House again.

Here's what Senator John McCain has said all year about the U.S. economy:

Here's Senator Barack Obama's speech today from Golden, CO:

And here's what his running mate said:

I'm not saying that Obama has all the answers, but he certainly seems to be ready to deal with the problem more aggressively. It's good to see that the guy is finding his formula as it relates to the message of his campaign. I won't lie; that "hope" and "change" rhetoric was starting to sound more like a pep rally speech than a plan. Specifics on issues are always a good idea. It is wack that it takes such odious national conditions to get people to see that there is a clear cut difference between the Democratic and GOP tickets.

I'm voting Obama-Biden because I don't want to live in a welfare state.

BREAKING NEWS: ZAPP & ROGER ARE DEAD

2008-09-16T02:59:00.010-04:00

Look, I respect Kanye West and all, and I respect your musical opinion, dear reader, but this song--"Love Lockdown?" Hell nope.

You might really like this song, but I can't dig it. ~~Ask~~ Axe me about any other song Kanye has produced and/or performed; I'll probably defend it as either great, good or misunderstood. This one is just weird, and seems similar to the news of Palin being picked for VP, not very well planned out and intended for shock value. And Ye's taking a huge risk by having the extremely-overused vocoder voice effect featured so prominently in yet another currently radio-friendly "rap" song. Speaking of which, where's the rap? Eff that, where's the beat?

See... this song is so suspect that 50 Cent, who is pretty much dead in terms of relevancy in the realm of Hip-Hop, can mock it onstage. And sadly, the song is weird enough that 50 just might be able to catapult himself back into relevancy just by calling it out for what it is and getting fans to think he's trustworthy again. To me, Kanye got on some Palin-esque shit with this song, trying to fool the public with something outlandish. The scary thing is that it just might work, judging by the dumbness of the Hip-Hop audience and its readiness to accept anything that a marquis artist puts out with the assistance of the vocoder effect. And trust me, these artists would put out anything if not for true fans who voice honest opinions when it comes to G.O.O.D. Music. N.P.I.

I expect more; I expect better. I expect Hip-Hop. And I'm starting to feel towards Kanye the same thing I felt after Jay-Z put out Kingdom Come--like I'd be defending a guilty party if I said that the product wasn't indeed wack, which it kinda was. As much as I hate to say it, 50 might have a point with his parody of "Love Lockdown", because he's showing us that he's the ultimate stan, willing to challenge the artist he ultimately admires by making a point about quality.

I'm not saying that 50 deserves attention with this bullshit stunt he's pulled. It's just another desperate move among his many other feats of P.R. fuckery, proving that he can't just make a hit record anymore; I'm no dummy. But tell the truth: "Love Lockdown" sucks. And if a brand new artist that wasn't named Kanye West dropped that song, you'd never even consider downloading it for free, much less buying it. Call it whatever you like, just don't call it Kanye's best or even a hit record. "Flashing Lights", on the other hand, was a hit record, in case you forgot, and it didn't even need any hype or Hip-Hop debate to push it further; it was just dope.

All criticism aside, I do think Kanye is the new Quincy Jones, and he will end up furthering Hip-Hop music on the cultural time continuum, regardless of this understandable blip of failure. Hell, even Q has thrown up a recent creative BRICK. At least he waited until he was an O.G. to do what he knew was all about fast $, instead of half-stepping with his talent so comparatively soon when you look at other career successes. Back when he was Ye's age, he was all about keeping it creatively classic instead of safeguarded by standards. In my opinion, Ye went extra left with "Love Lockdown", and it could go down as one of his great, unfinished, undefined masterpieces that sank soon after sailing off the shore, unless the remix is extra wavy. And who's he going to get, other than T-Pain and Lil' Wayne? This one is way too predictable.

Before you try to pull my hater card, just know that I am a fan of Kanye, just as I am a fan of Cam'ron and Senator Barack Obama. All three are bricking something awful right now, and it's hard to cheer when you're alone in the bleachers, waiting for the seemingly extinguished fire to show some sparks of life. But I'm not saying that the next Kanye single won't be fire. I'm just saying that it'd better be, or it's going to be a cold winter.

Kanye, as a fan and a critic, I'll let you call me two-faced if I can call your new song wack as fuck and a half-assed attempt to steal Zapp & Roger's trademark sound, like T-Pain has done, with updated voice technology. Here's a free tip for aspiring artists thinking that "the robot thingy" is the way to recording industry success: If you can't sing, don't. Pardon the harshness, but I've always believed that an artist's biggest fans have the right to be the biggest critics, because they're brutally honest.

TUPAC IS DEAD; THUG LIFE IS NOT

2008-09-15T01:17:00.005-04:00

The Don Makaveli, a.k.a. Tupac Amaru Shakur, passed away twelve years and four days ago at 25 years of age, from still-unclaimed bullets in the streets of Las Vegas. We can't bring him back, yet we've continued to study his every move in life and death (and in the minds of some, his resurrection).

He said himself, in an interview with Vibe Magazine, "Thug Life to me is dead. If it's real, let somebody else represent it, because I'm tired of it. I represented it too much."

The man was a cult of personality, but he died way too early and for a cause that has still not quite been identified or taken up in a positive way--let's be honest. But the truth is even more tragic; it's 2008, and "Thug Life" lives on without it's founding father. Guns are still used for us, by us. Drugs are sold in similar fashion. Prison sentences await those who take either path, and boys remain boys as girls become women. Fathers are invisible, futures are bleak. Civil rights are revoked, voter registration fails. And tomorrow's soldiers remain stuck in the ageless trap of being righteous thugs.

Don't blame Tupac; blame our insistence on reincarnating the worst side of mankind through his name and image, over and over again. And the best way to avoid manufacturing more thugs for nationwide distribution, fueling the continuing state of mental, spiritual and financial poverty in the black community is to let the man rest in peace.

LITERATURE IS DEAD

2008-09-14T15:07:00.009-04:00

David Foster Wallace, a great writer, IS REALLY DEAD. He wrote several books which were highly acclaimed and was considered a prodigy of literary undertakings. He was 46, married and a college professor. And he hung himself in his house this past Friday.

Great writers are mentally effed. I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE, and by God, I'll probably be proven right many more times before somebody says it about me--if I'm not already too late for that. But the genius-creative personality has always been something I've been drawn towards. For some reason, I could sense, by watching the video above, from where Wallace was trying to come with his thoughts. To be honest, I felt sorry for the person behind the tortured, beady eyes. You could tell that something was bothering him at the very moment that the cameras were rolling. His face and body language were sort of silently screaming, "But I'm being serious, people!" And then he shrugged and sank back into himself, realizing that people don't understand truth as much as they laugh at it.

What does this have to do with Hip-Hop, you ~~ask~~ axe? Well, Wallace once said that rap music was "quite possibly the most important stuff happening in American poetry today," [*] and he wrote a non-fiction book called Signifying Rappers: Rap and Race in the Urban Present, which if you didn't know is a NOD to the original gangsta rap pioneer Schoolly D.

I can dig this Wallace guy, and not just because he's dead. Moreso because he seemed to be on the same wavelength as me and other writers I respect and found success. That is, of course, pertaining to his ability to express his views with words, and not in his ability to hang himself. Some things I'd rather not know if I can accomplish, and killing myself is in that number.

YOU CAN READ an article, masterfully written by Wallace and published by the New York Times, about tennis champ Roger Federer OR check out a tribute written about him and see that dude was pretty official. R.I.P. to another great writer of the world, and knock another nail in the coffin of current creativity in its fearless form.

It's strange how this is always the type of subject that brings me out of hiatus. Hey, somebody's got to pick up the torch, I guess...

*SOURCE QUOTE: AMAZON.COM

DIG THIS: DJ A.M. & TRAVIS BARKER'S FIX YOUR FACE MIXTAPE

2008-09-14T01:30:00.005-04:00

Been heavily distracted, but dare I say it's been for good reason and not just because my man Senator Barack Obama needs to check his nuts. New developments are forthcoming, oh my brothers and sisters. Will explain later. Stay tuned for that.

In the meantime, HERE'S A LINK to the mixtape I've been spinning for the past few days, while I was wild busy--in the superlative sense--with writing deadlines and avoiding the blogosphere. I can't lie, I was starting to feel like a lot of people were being brainwashed by "Love Lockdown" and Sarah Palin, so maybe it was time to take a week off to regenerate instead of trying to fight the tide. Word to Hurricane Ike.

On some real shite, if you're a writer, or even if you're just a person that identifies his or herself as such but can't really write at all, this mixtape is pretty dope. It's a good mood piece for when you have all types of deadlines and limited time to seek outside inspiration.

BEFORE I FORGET...

2008-09-11T23:28:00.004-04:00

Today was the day that the towers fell. Hope you spent it in reverence of the fallen heroes who never meant to be eulogized when they left their homes for work on this day seven years ago. If only GWB would have listened to the advice of Condoleeza Rice. We wouldn't have lost two giants of the Manhattan skyline and thousands of great women and men on a day that has become a Republikkkan reminder of the fear that we should have as Americans. Remember, "they hate freedom." Translation: Nobody's safe as long as a Republikkkan is in office.

Let me chill and take a moment to show some respect. I hope that as you do the same, you'll take a moment to understand that it never had to happen. And then, take a moment to decide what you're going to do about it, as opposed to what some people would like you to think are your options in this situation. Are you voting in November? Are you encouraging others? Are you afraid of change? Shouldn't you be afraid of the status quo? You decide.

R.I.P. to the unknown true amount of deceased human beings who died unnecessarily because of a president's failure to secure our skies.

T.O.C. # 49 - Man Up, Obama!!

2008-09-11T15:26:00.008-04:00

TODAY:

I'm just getting back into Atlanta and I haven't had much time to stop and write a blog between other commitments, but that's not the whole reason why I haven't been at it recently. I didn't feel like writing anything about Senator Barack Obama for the last few days, because this fool needs to get tougher, like immediately. The only way that the self-imposed cease-fire he's been observing since the DNC would make any sense to me is if he comes out tomorrow and says that it was all in respect to September 11, 2001.

"Dear America: Today, September 12th, is a new day. It's a day after the tragic day seven years ago, when we lost thousands of lives to a terrorist attack that never had to happen, if our president would have only taken the counsel of his security advisors to heart and mind. Unfortunately, he did not. Well, we're a lucky seven years past that tragic date that began the decline of our American way of life under Republikkkan rule, and I can say - without fear - that it's truly a new day in America--one that must begin with me saying that Senator John McCain is a liar and psychologically damaged war hawk who would let a person with the sketchiest resume in VP candidate history be next in line to run the country if he keels over in the Oval Office. Which is very possible. Eff that! This is my country! I'M going to win and I refuse to lose! Hoe!!"

[Obama needs me as a speechwriter. I'd rule.]

Unfortunately, as of right now, he's lacking that "uumph" that you need as a POTUS candidate, that is, if you plan on being the person with the codes to the "nuclear football." And right now, I'm not feeling the energy. And I'm pissed that the Republikkkans seem to believe that they have the momentum, because nobody's getting tough with them. I'm having nightmares of Michael Dukakis. Is my mind playin' tricks on me?

[The 1st Democrat to ever be "Bushwacked"]

They've stolen the "change" theme, they've lied about everything they could speak about in the last two weeks, and they've been on a constant mode of attack ever since they got 39 million morons to watch their convention--as if anyone needed to hear what they've got planned for the next 4-to-8 years. To me, it seemed like the whole O.J. Simpson book idea, where he says that he didn't kill Nicole but tells you how he would have done it. Again, I didn't watch any of the GOP's 4-day infomercial, so I have no idea how they got so many people so geeked up about their bullshite. All I know is that shite is pretty bad if Matt Damon is the realest man alive for this week, thus far. He summed up his idea of a McCain-Palin administration with the following condemning statement.

For now, the candidate I support needs to start returning fire like Matt Damon. A friend of mine made a great point the other day: if this were Hillary that were being attacked, she'd throw shots right back. I'm not saying that it's right or it belongs in politics, but it wins. And at this point, I'm more concerned with actually winning the White House than being classy and graceful during the campaign. There's way too much riding on this election for a candidate to play the MLK card and just let himself be stoned, beaten and shot down from his rightful place in history. No disrespect to the King. And no, the "controversial" statement below does not count...

Because he's really just biting something that McCain already said about Senator Hillary Clinton. There's nothing new about the "lipstick on a pig" diss in Republikkkan freestyle ciphers. It's like somebody using the incredibly overused rhyme scheme of gangster rap: "Bitches, hittin' these switches, snitches in ditches, clocking these riches." We've heard it before, so the thrill is gone. It's never as good as the first time, Barack. You can't be biting styles on the national stage...

Anyway, like I said, I need to see a fight, or I'm going to start feeling weird. And I'M NOT THE ONLY ONE.

HYPHY IS SCREWED

2008-09-06T12:08:00.014-04:00

The news is that Bay Area rap star Mistah F.A.B. is "BEEFING" with the local Oakland Hip-Hop station, KMEL-FM. This is just another chain of events that sparked the creation of this new post, oh my brothers and sisters. Let's investigate the phenomenon of drug-promoting music and its accompanying culture as they relate to specific places on the American map.

Whether I'm a big fan of "Hyphy" music or not, you've gotta admit that it's dead, at least outside of Oakland's ungerground rap scene. As long as we're being honest here (and I don't know why we wouldn't be), most regional sounds that were sold as the next big things a few years ago are all dead.

I mean, look at "Screwed" music, and compare it to what happened with Hyphy. Both of these subgenres of Hip-Hop have been in existence long before some rich white dude decided to cut a mainstream check and put them both on. Representing Alabama, Georgia and Tennessee, I can attest to the fact that I've been hearing screwed mixtapes for close to fifteen years via cousins that visited Texas in the summer. It's nowhere near new. But what was new a few years ago was when Houston rappers Mike Jones, Chamillionaire, Paul Wall, Slim Thug and others started getting major record deals, one after another, all on the strength of a combined 12-month run of consecutive songs - all of which broke the local mold and went from regional to national recognition.

I admit, I was as proud as anybody else from the south that another state was finally getting its just due, as it were. But I also admit this: Screwed music sucks.

I never understood why people liked listening to rap songs that had been "screwed and chopped." Every time I've been forced to listen to any Screwed song for more than 15 seconds, it's always been depressing, sleep-inducing, boring and just... slow. Too damned slow. That shit would drive me to the depths of insanity if I ever got nabbed by terrorists and told that I'd be tortured with a 24-hour private Screwed and Chopped listening session if I don't snitch. I'd confess to all types of shit I've never even thought about doing to get out of that one. And I'd say that Gangsta Rap made me do it.

Once Screwed music got outside of its natural habitat, it was a wrap, because, like Hyphy, it was built upon pillars of salt, or should I say "snow." You can't expect a whole nation to become localized to your city unless the music is that good. Country music comes from Nashville, Bounce music and of course Jazz both come from New Orleans and The Blues were born in the Mississippi Delta. They all spread throughout their regions to national and worldwide ears, but there is a distinct difference: These subcultures are build around actual rhythms, beats, sounds, harmonies and melodies. Without great songs and plenty of great artists down for the artistic cause itself, it just doesn't happen. It's gotta be about the artform more than the afterparty, and both had better be better than anything experience previously if you expect the story to spread. And I'm not saying that Miles, Dizzy and Bird weren't getting loaded on the daily, because we all know how that story goes. But they were still great musicians.

Every city has it's own style that can't (and maybe shoudn't) be made global, especially when you add in the quietly kept secret that - gasp! - Screwed and Hyphy music are both really about doing massive amounts of drugs and being proud enough to sing and dance about it, out loud.

Compare and contrast: As the soundtrack to the lifestyle of codeine and promethazine abusers, Screwed Music was made for Texans who sip "syrup", the mixture of the two drugs combined with Sprite, Big Red soda or any other sweet, carbonated ghetto beverage. Rap artists, taking cues from the "slab rider" culture of Houston, drink it in public and continue to make songs glorifying its consumption, even after it killed one of its most famous rappers - Pimp C.

In Oakland, Hyphy was created as the musical companion to taking Ecstacy pills or "beans", and the subsequent erratic speech, dancing and general behavior. To be high on E-pills, therefore, was to be "hyphy." Some of the Hyphy stuff I heard was nowhere near wack, but it was always a bit too crunk for my blood. And you've gotta be high to want to do some SHIT LIKE THIS. "Go dumb," indeed...

I've pretty much held the same stance against Hyphy since I figured out what it was about. You can't have any type of positive message in a type of music that outright encourages drug use. Now before you even try it ("But what about Gangster Rap?"), I would argue that the social commentary that exists in the Thug Life style of Hip-Hop is necessary to show that people are economically suffering to the point that they would risk their lives and others' to make a dollar. So they pick up a gun and do horrible things.

I've always felt that if you make the terror of the gangster lifestyle look as ugly as it really is, you will save some people from ever wanting to enter it, even if you attract those who would wanted to be gangsters anyway. I never wanted to be a gangbanger after listening to N.W.A. - not once. But it was cool to hear their stories, accentuated by gun shots, excessive swearing and less-than-romantic ideas about women. To me, it's the same as watching No Country for Old Men; it's crazy, entertaining as hell and a great piece of art, even though it's gruesome to the point that I wouldn't have wanted to be in any character's shoes in real life.

The only way I'm convinced that a person can have any positive influence from Hyphy or Screwed music would be to suffer a complete meltdown, go through intensive rehabilitation and emerge from the ashes of doom like the Phoenix. Either that, or the artist just overdoses and dies, causing enough grief from fans and guilt in the hearts of close associates to spark a movement of sobriety, removing all the momentum from the power of the drugs and placing it back in the hands of the people to create things that don't cause mental damage and self-genocide.

It's my theory that the reason why TEXAS MIGHT BE DEAD and HYPHY IS REALLY DEAD is because you can't mix narcotics with your music and expect everyone to follow mindlessly forever like the living dead. Eventually, people wake up and realize they've been drugged. And then what?

But I can't front; THIS SONG is still dope. But if you listen closely, it's not all happy. Just listen to the chorus...

DIG THIS: ROLLING STONE'S 25 FUNNIEST WEB VIDS

2008-09-06T01:13:00.004-04:00

Rolling Stone just dropped it's "25 Funniest Web Videos" list, and it already stole an hour of my Friday night, because I'm a nerd like that. I won't give it all away, but I had to put this one up again, because in my view this could have easily been #1:

R.S. used a different version, but I think the one ^ was actually much funnier and straight to the point. By the way, this happened in the "D", where it's so cold.

T.O.C. #43: THUG MOTIVATION

2008-09-05T23:21:00.000-04:00

Young Jeezy's album dropped this week. I haven't reviewed it, because I've only heard half. But the half I heard was great. I will say that I'm very happy that the Corporate Thug publicly announced that we was registering to vote for the first time in his life (he's 31) and HELD A VOTER REGISTRATION DRIVE at Justin's this past Thursday. I'm usually half and half on Jeezy when it comes to albums, depending what day of the week we're talking about, but with album that Hits Magazine is projecting will sell 250k units before next Tuesday and his own steady but calm support for Senator Barack Obama, I have to say that Jeezy definitely earned another 12 months in the limelight.

A key thing that I would remind any supporters of Obama right now is that none of the nonsense matters. All that matters is that people vote for him on November 4th. And in order to do that, people must register to vote by the first week in October. If you are not registered, you have 30 days. HERE'S A LINK TO FIND OUT MORE INFORMATION. Pass it on.

Oh, and if you're starting to worry about Palin, maybe you shouldn't have watched her speech, I guess. I'm over it like I was never under it - the spell, that is. The sooner that the rest of us stop talking about her, the more they're going to have to come up with something real for her to say. Right now, their running off hype, and it'll continue as long as people gossip, which means she could ride a wave of distraction straight into the White House. And we'll all be looking stupid as hell for letting them get away with it.

Therefore, unless she makes any real statement that has to do with keeping the actual citizens of country from being any worse off economically, I have no interest in covering or speaking about her. Remember, this race is not about her, anyway. Besides, this is the first of many fights for which Senator Joe Biden was hired. That, of course, does not mean I won't shoot an occasional jab at the Republikkkan ticket as a whole; I just don't see a reason to give her attention when the issues are much bigger than her and her family.

More good energy for you is at the bottom. Take it and run with it to your nearest voter registration office or website. And don't let anything keep you from having your name on the roster if you're legally able to cast a ballot. We've only got one turn to get this right.

DIG THIS: THE HIP-HOP PING-PONG MOVIE

2008-09-05T18:23:00.008-04:00

Ping Pong Playa- Official Trailer - The funniest bloopers are right here

What chu know about that PING PONG PLAYA, playa?

That sounded pretty lame, huh? Not as lame as this movie sounds and appears to be, oh my brothers and sisters. It seems that we as a nation are finally crossing the burning sands of race, religion and even the boundaries of geographic location. Now, Chinese people want to "act black", and it's all good. At least, that's what Hollywood wants you to think.

Ping Pong Playa is a movie that's new to U.S. theaters, starting today in Los Angeles and moving east, in which there's a guy named Christopher Wang, a.k.a. Jimmy Tsai, who is the little brother of a champion ping-pong player. He is supposedly "ghetto", and he hangs with a black dude. And that's about it. Not that I've seen it, but joints like this are usually exactly what you'd expect after seeing the trailer, which we now have already done. Lot's of slang, stereotypes and stupidness for young Ivy League Republikkkan weedheads to see and equate to black culture. That sad part is that some of you might buy it when it's hits DVD. SMH.

LEGALLY-DEAD MCs: ASSISTED STAGE DIVING IS DEAD

2008-09-05T17:16:00.006-04:00

It was announced that your boy Akon is heading to court on December 1st, unless he has somebody to snitch on or accepts some type of plea bargain. It appears that his fan toss last year didn't go over so well; the 17-year old boy that got literally "throwed off" during a concert performance either decided to press charges or the state of New York just took the liberty of filing them itself.

ANOTHER ANGLE:

Either way, if I were a major Hip-Hop/R&B star, I would think twice about helping a fan to crowd surf. Hell, there's even another person who was in the crowd that says she suffered a concussion because the airborne dude fell on her when Akon did the human shot put. Jesus; these days, everybody is a potential plantiff. Let's see how the judge sees it. Akon better hope that he finds an African judge. It won't be good news if he gets somebody that looks like Wapner.

THIS WEEK'S OBITUARIES

2008-09-05T00:21:00.005-04:00

You already know what time it is.

CAREER-DEAD MCs
Kwame Kilpatrick.

I know you can't die twice, but today it became official. With the loss of his law license, a 4-months sentence and a 7-figure fine, it's safe to say that the saga of the "Hip-Hop Mayor" is finally done. The "D" just got a little less cold.

LEGALLY-DEAD MCs
Kenneth Smith.

I don't have a photo of this guy, but according to THE SMOKING GUN, Kenneth Smith was arrested on September 3 for wearing baggy pants. The legal charge is "exposure of undergarment in public." He is a first offender, so under the law in Florida, where he was charged, he faces a $150 charge. If caught three times, he could be sent to jail for thirty days. America hates Hip-Hop.

REALLY DEAD MCs
Don LaFontaine.

In a world where you can make your own career path, enjoy notoriety without having to show your face and reap great financial benefits, Don L. was the king. He died on Tuesday from complications from pneumothorax, which is a collapsed lung that causes air to build in the pleural cavity. Whatever that means. But hey, he was a microphone fiend, and his voice is famous as hell. That's Hip-Hop.

HISTORICALLY-DEAD MCs
Mother Teresa.

The Queen Mother of spiritual pursuits left us on this day, September 5, 1997. Though there have been recent reports that she QUESTIONED HER BELIEF IN GOD, she is still widely remembered as something like a living saint while she existed among the living. Even in death, she remains highly influential and a beacon of hope for those who believe in the power of love over the love of power.

Life is a celebration. Enjoy ever minute. Tomorrow is promised to none of us, so accomplish something great today so that we will still be talking about you tomorrow.

C'entanni!

T.O.C. # 42: HATE ON ME, HATER

2008-09-04T21:06:00.003-04:00

TODAY:

Senator Barack Obama announced that he has raised $10 million since Governor Sarah Palin's speech at the GOP Death Festival yesterday, from approximately 130k+ donors. Yes, that's in less than one day.

The Republican National Committee announced earlier Thursday, at mid-afternoon, that it had raised well in excess of $1 million since Palin's speech. Republicans expect Palin to mobilize their donors. But the Obama camp promptly used the speech as a fundraising hook, sending an overnight e-mail to supporters to contribute.

McCain can no longer raise private donations for his campaign because he has decided to accept $85 million in public financing for the fall campaign.

SOURCE: SALON

And he finally made a comment about Palin that acknowledges that she is alive.

It's good to see the senator staying busy through this nonsense. I'm getting back to my book. If anyone sees anything interesting or worth mentioning at the RNC, drop a comment in the box. But again, I advise you to ignore this brainwashing craziness. Overstand that mental poison is even worse than drugs. Word to Nas.

How about some Jill Scott instead?

PRIDE, DIGNITY, SELF-RESPECT - THEY'RE ALL DEAD

2008-09-04T14:35:00.006-04:00

Warning. This shit is sad. You've been warned.

So I was riding along I-20 yesterday afternoon on my way back from Birmingham, taking in my daily dose of the best news program on the planet, NPR. Forget whatever you heard or thought; no television station, newspaper, magazine, blog or website does a better job of reporting the events that occur in our world with as much consistency and objectivity. Which reminds me, I need to go ahead and start donating money (whenever I get some).

But back to the point. While I'm enjoying my highway cruise, I was flabbergasted by a story about PRINCELLA SMITH, a 24-year old Republikkkan who is an African-American female and happens to be a member of Newt Gingrich's think tank, American Solutions. CLICK HERE FOR THE AUDIO. And if you will excuse me for a moment while you listen, I will now puke on myself.

*earling*

Ok, we're back. So anyway, this ~~heifer~~ intelligent black woman has decided to show her independence and freedom by being a ~~token negro~~ mascot for the GOP. She even had a blog post published at one of my favorite liberal bully blogs that attacked my beloved Hip-Hop. Check it out:

Sadly, the new slave master portrayed in many (not all) rap videos is the black man.

The executives and heads of these hip hop record companies are white males who sell 4 out of every 5 rap records recorded to a young, white, suburban, male audience. This image of oversexed black men who disrespect women, wear gun wounds as a badge of honor and brag of "bling and bills" is ingrained into the minds of white America, and thus becomes a new form of bondage for African-Americans. These young white men go out into the corporate world, and many are eventually sitting behind a desk to hire employees, and we want them to be objective. Yet, in their subconscious lies these images of African-Americans.

SOURCE: THE HUFFINGTON POST

Good try, sista. Now, let's examine that theory a little bit more. If we are seriously defined as a race by the entertainment that we created for our own enjoyment and is now an incredibly popular worldwide financial juggernaut, that would not be a failure upon our part in sending a clear message. The onus lies upon the anuses who listen and believe anything they hear, see and read. All art is open to interpretation, and what seems like mysogynistic and self-hating garbage to you might be comedy to me. In other words, I don't have to tell a joke or write a sentence that you like, if I don't wish to do such a thing. If you like it, great! If not, kill yourself!

Here's an example. I don't get upset at Oprah, Tyra or that other black woman on The View when they say dumb shit that I don't agree with or could shine a negative light on black men. I just think that they're entitled to their own opinions, and then I ~~ask~~ axe myself, "Why the eff am I watching Oprah?" Immediately following this revelation, I shake my head and change the channel. Problem solved. I don't sit around and wonder, "But what if white women believed that all black men were worthless, irresponsible, shiftless, immature animals with bad credit? Do you know what that would do to interracial dating and the population of light skinned babies? Oh, the horror!"

That was a joke. All I'm trying to get across here is that if you don't like something, don't watch, listen to or read it. Leave it the hell alone, like I'm doing with your beloved GOP convention. And I'm going to do my best to ignore you, my sista, because you are being used like a rubber dildo by the Republikkkans to sodomize the African-American race in a manner that Nelly could never achieve with a million "Tip Drill" videos.

My problem with Princella Smith is that she is a tool. If she doesn't know it, then there is hope for her yet. Ignorance is bliss, but nothing lasts forever. Now, if she does realize that she is letting the Republikkkans parade her around town as their new weapon against their own reputation of racial hatred, then she is despicable, stupid and a classic sell-out. And I'm sure that will put her on the path to the Supreme Court like another famous GOP ball-blower.

For the record, Ms. Smith, I do not judge you for being an opportunist. I'll pray for you tonight, even. Now go back to your aluminum shack behind Massa's house and finish shucking corn for tonight's GOP convention dinner. I'm sure they'll save the "chitterlings" for you.

Lord, give me a sign.

CONSISTENCY IS DEAD

2008-09-04T14:17:00.005-04:00

It's so crazy that Jon Stewart has more gall than almost any liberal thinker, commentator or columnist. Dude always seems to find factual information that throws the hypocrisy of the GOP back in the face of the dead elephants. And - get this - he's a comedian.

This just supports my theory that the truth is a joke, and vice-versa.

T.O.C. # 41: You Can't Be Serious

2008-09-03T22:25:00.000-04:00

TODAY:

I am almost outraged that people who know that the Republikkkans are evil are actually watching the Republikkkan convention. I didn't have to see Governor Palin's speech and the obviously ensuing applause and cheerful reception to know that it was going to be a festival of lies, manipulation and deception. For God's sake; Bush is a Republikkkan. And if you thought that the party of Bush, Reagan and Nixon was really going to change face this late in the game and start being responsible for the rest of the civilized world, which they've already severely fucked up, then I wish you the best in life, because you're obviously not ready to face the reality of the world. Or, just kill yourself, which I'd wholeheartedly suggest to you lame ideological idiots.

I pity the fool.

And now, I will bring you back to reality, and back to the true purpose of this crusade. Senator Barack Obama is still killing the racist propaganda that comes from the GOP. And he's doing it with class, grace and style. If you think I'm just selling wolf tickets, CLICK HERE. And remember, I'll even admit on a sunny day for Democrats that poll numbers mean Nathan. But if poll numbers come up positive when they're not supposed to, like, for a black Democratic Party POTUS nominee, during the GOP convention... well, let's just assume that the numbers are still underestimated, because they're never going to let us know just how far ahead we really are. If you're down with the clowns, you don't have to be afraid that the Obama/Biden ticket is actually winning, if that scares you. Just sleep through the nightmare and wake up in eight years. But don't fight the tide if you're lost at sea.

And that's all for tonight. But if you really need anything else, let me just say that I'm still amazed because I can now comfortably believe that we're actually going to win this thing. And it's all because the GOP fell victim to its own fuckery.

[That's just so you scaredy-cat Democrats and Independents will calm the eff down and relax. We've got a great candidate, and all that's stopping him from advancing is YOU.]

I'd like to say, "Big ups and infinite thanks," to Governor Sarah Palin, the most unqualified VP candidate in history, for helping the villainous Republikkkans to throw this election into the trash. Yes, Joe Biden is going to thrash this whole phuckphest in the debates. And it's not only going to be ugly; it's going to be funny. Mark my words.

T.O.C. #40 - Racist Alabama Rednecks and Obama's Late N*gger Father

2008-09-02T23:08:00.005-04:00

[Young Obama]

TODAY:

Everyone that wears the color red and likes elephants was busy trying to spin the ridiculousness that is Governor Sarah Palin into a fairy tale story. And in such red states as Alabama, my "sweet home", I'm sure that there were thousands of others who were doing their best to turn salt into sugar.

Before you even ~~ask~~ axe, hell no, I'm not watching the Republikkkan convention. I'd rather watch Fox News for a whole year than see a concentrated version of lies, manipulation and race-baiting, put on by the same people who are responsible for this sad state of the union we are now living through. And I rather you killed me, had me cremated, pissed in my urn and served it after the funeral to my family as lemonade than to watch Fox News for even a whole day. So there's your answer to how I think the GOP is doing this week.

See, ever since the Republikkkans had their hoe card pulled by a bluff from God called "Hurricane Gustav", they've been scrambling all over the television news in a desperate collective attempt at pulling their skirts back down. They know that Palin is bad news, and they'd have to believe that we are all idiots (which, of course, they do) if they really think we believe that this woman is the best person to replace Senator John McCain if he croaks on the job. God forbid that that happens (hell, God forbid he wins...), but having Palin as safety net is worse than using pantyhose to break a 10k foot fall from the sky. Maybe even thinner. Not an exercise of good judgment.

As you know, Governor Palin's daughter GAVE UP THE DRAWS AND GOT KNOCKED UP. Senator Barack Obama, the next POTUS, made a formal announcement that "family is off limits." Not only was this statement an excellent political move, as it keeps him on the news during the GOP convention, but it showed his human element. That is, Obama is showing that he would do unto others as he would have them do unto him. Remember when they were tripping on Michelle? Well, now Michelle is off limits, just like the "experience" argument evaporated once Palin became the official VP nominee for the dead elephants. I swear, this Palin lady is killing every weapon that the GOP had against Obama.

So today, as I was checking my email and the daily news online at a place called STIR CRAZY in Birmingham, Alabama, I was caught totally off-guard when I heard one of the most random racist rants I've heard recently. I'm sure you're already thinking to yourself, "Come on, Mike. You were in Alabama! What did you expect?" Well, I didn't expect for a large white man to blurt out loud, in what I guess was his response to the media's sharking of Palin's personal family problems:

"Obama had a white mama, and his daddy was a nigger!"

On a day that my own blog started with Marcus Garvey, School Daze and a hanging Klansman, what else could I have expected? For the record, I was shocked out of my mind. Contrary to popular belief, that kind of public outburst or display does not happen in Alabama often; they save that shit for the backwoods Klan meetings usually, and they still whisper. But yeah, I was stuck, trying to decide whether or not I'd really heard what I heard. And it's funny that the only other black person that was there earlier had just left before the white guy went Kramer with the loud N-bomb. I guess, because I was sitting in a corner with my back turned to the other customers, the guy didn't see me and thought he was safe to return to his racist comfort zone, back in the old boys club. And he never acknowledged me afterwards, although his ladyfriend kept looking at me nervously as I went near their places at the bar to order a Long Island and to give them a heads-up that there was still a nigger in attendance.

The other customers made no eye contact with me. The bartender, whose name is also Mike, was trying to look as if he had been too busy to hear what was said. A guy who smelled like rancid ham - who was actually a cool guy - kind of made himself busy at the pool table. These people were both speaking to me when I entered, and now they looked ashamed to be in my range of vision. Weirdness...

After conferring with my colleague MAURICE GARLAND via Twitter, I realized that the best move was to exit before I said something that got me jumped by said redneck and maybe 6 other worthless elephant man-looking goons, because that would have only resulted in me returning to the bar with a dozen or so friends who live nearby and setting the place on fire. Did I just say that? Just kidding.

So what is the moral of this story? Well, let's just say that when Republikkkans get nervous, they get desperate. They revert back to the way they really are without the cloak of invisibility that covers their red necks and fat, elephant asses. Once the shield is removed, they say anything they want, and I can't blame them. If this is how they plan to respond to the fact that Governor Palin is a horrible candidate, then I feel sorry for them. They can call me and every other black person in the world a nigger, and it won't make Palin a good mother. They can shout about the fact that Senator Obama was born to an 18-year old mother, and it still won't kill his credentials. They can piss me off, but they can't control my temper, even if I don't lose it. And no, Alabama isn't really that bad, but racism exists everywhere, and shows up when you least expect it. That's what I've learned - never be surprised by it.

You know how you know you're on the winning side? When the other side gets angry. Oh, and plus they were all musty as hell. At least us "niggers" believe in good hygiene and don't use toilet seats as horseshoes.

"Home is where the hatred is..."
- Gil Scott Heron

GRAFFITI IS ALIVE IN ALABAMA

2008-09-02T12:40:00.000-04:00

Jesus; I can't even tell you how proud I am of this. I've only posted one frame of this photo shoot from a guy named Banksy because you really need to click the link below and see what this is all about. If you knew about this dude already, you can hand me a late pass whenever you're ready.

Shout to NAHRIGHT for making this public, and big ups to Banksy again, whoever the hell you are, for keeping it ultra gully in my homestate. Very much appreciated.

CLICK HERE FOR THE SOURCE OF THIS BANKSY FUCKERY.

RISE! YOU CAN ACCOMPLISH WHAT YOU WILL.

2008-09-02T08:00:00.000-04:00

That headline was borrowed by a famous black man named Marcus Garvey. He was killed, like many other great black men, for standing up for what he believed was his life's calling. He wanted black people to be liberated - mind, body and soul. He called for a mass exodus to Africa by all black Americans (something I'm sure the GOP would love), because he wanted us to know our true historic lineage and heritage. He was about strength and unity. And he is now immortal, because a large number of people continue to carry his legacy into the future, even though he is long gone to those of us who will see the sunlight today.

What about you? What the eff have you done today, besides hit the snooze button multiple times because you were overthrowed (like me) last night? Sure, yesterday was a holiday for working people, so we all deserved a quick break before the fall kicked in. Well, we are now in Autumn, and in the midst of foggy, rainy weather, political craziness and the last four months of the Bush presidency. Rejoice!! And get your lazy ass out of bed and back on that clock. Time is money...

Me? I'm in Birmingham, chilling with my folk-folks and working on the fulfillment of a major goal. As of today, I have officially broken my addiction to cigarrettes with one full month of no nicotine. After today, I will no longer count the days; I've always believed that if you really wanted to stop doing something, you don't count the days since you've last done it. You just say, "I've stopped," once you knew that to be true.

Life is great. I'm happy as hell for no apparent reason, and I've been resorting to my old bad habits, like exercising, reading and refraining from things that keep me from being productive. I welcome you to join me in this thing called "life" in Autumn 2008. History is in our hands, if only we'd awake from the dream of yesterday and commit to the reality of this new realm of possibility called Tuesday, September 2nd.

I'll check back in with you later this afternoon, say around 2pm. Until then, grasp life by the horns and rise with the tide. The hurricane-which-shall-not-be-named did not destroy our beloved New Orleans, and there is a magnificient momentum of which all citizens of this planet are invited to become involved.

So wake up and live. Do something with yourself, and continue to fight the powers that be. Get like me.

By the way, this is not just for black people. White people, you need to wake your asses up as well and join the movement. None of us can do it alone.

T.O.C.: Day 39 - THE REPUBLIKKKAN "PARTY" IS DEAD

2008-08-31T02:08:00.010-04:00

If you haven't noticed, the GOP is too busy killing itself for me to even mention Senator Barack Obama right now. This is a beautiful tragedy unfolding, and I'm all for it. But before I get really started, let me say this. I don't want anyone else to die because of Hurricane Gustav. Last time I checked, the DEATH COUNT was at or beyond 67, mostly in Haiti. And now, it's heading full-force towards New Orleans.

Again, it's heading full-force towards New Orleans. Why the hell did I just repeat myself? Because, as you know, we had a Republikkkan president when Hurricane Katrina hit New Orleans on August 29, 2005. That's almost 3 years exactly. I am not happy at all about the fact that Gustav might cause catastrophic damage to the Crescent City all over again, before the N.O. had the chance to heal from its wounds. Like my Dad told me the night before Katrina hit, "Pray for anyone you know that's stuck in New Orleans tonight." Don't forget, we still have the same POTUS in office who does not give a fuck about anything, so I'm sure we'll see more of the same response from the federal government. Word to Barack.

How ironic it is that President Bush is scheduled to speak at the GOP's national convetion in St. Paul, Minnesota, just as McCain is getting ready to accept his role as the nominee. And they had the beautiful MILF, Governor Sarah Palin, ready to do her political pole dance at a moment's notice, just to get the party really really crunk. I bet G.W. Bush has a bag full of $1's with which he was ready to shower ol' girl once she hit the stage. And you've never seen it rain like Bush makes it rain on them hoes...

The GOP is now CONSIDERING TAKING A RAIN CHECK on the convention. And why, you ask, would they reschedule or put it off for just a day or two? Not because they really give a shit about what happens to the citizens of the Gulf Coast, because they proved to us 3 years ago that they don't. And not because they are ashamed of their shortcomings, which they should be.

The GOP is thinking of letting the storm pass for a very simple reason. They ~~don't want~~ can't afford anything taking all the glory away from their convention. Not death, flooding, catastrophe, oil price spikeage, etc, etc. Nothing gets in the way of the Republican Party, whether you take that to mean the political party or the fiesta that they thought they'd get away with next week. They'd rather look good than win. Word to White Men Can't Jump.

These people disgust me sometimes; I kid you not. If they were really hard-core, they'd go through with the convention and make public amends. Apologies, even. That might even get them some leeway with voters. But nooooo.... These bitches would rather reschedule and try to save face, as if you could really apply Botox or Proactive to the mug of Medusa.

I'm done for now; I'm stuck in the middle of Atlas Shrugged, and the only time I get to really sink into a good-ass book is after midnight. If you're in the middle of traveling or your last summer vacation, stay safe on those roads or in those skies - we need your vote in November.

Viva la Vida!!

UPDATE: 5:00 a.m.

It looks like SOMEBODY CAME TO THEIR SENSES. A new game plan is being formulated.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 39 - MCCAIN'S PAIN

2008-08-30T04:25:00.007-04:00

I have to apologize to my readers, because now I get what's happening, and as of right now, I'm taking the bait. So this will be the last time I write an entire post about what the hell is or isn't going on with this. But for now, I have two separate theories as to why Senator John McCain chose Governor Sarah Palin as his VP candidate.

1. Either McCain hit it when Palin visited him on a LATE NIGHT SECRET FLIGHT to Arizona last week, and she put that thang on him so badly that he gave her a key to a room in the White House for some late-night creep action in 2009,

OR...

2. McCain is spitting in the face of the Obama campaign, saying with subtlety that since OBAMA IS A CELEBRITY, the Republikkkan party can create it's own star, while still having a balanced ticket with a Senate veteran, just like the Dems. Except, the roles would be reversed.

The argument sounds like this. If Biden beats Palin in the VP debates, that means nothing, because, historically, no one votes for a VP anyway. Plus, she's just a politically made celebrity, so it's no big deal if she can't overcome any expectations.

The GOP probably thinks that this neutralizes Senator Obama. They think he has no experience, so they got someone with even less experience than zero. So now, the fight is between Biden and McCain. Both are long standing U.S. senators, and both have a wealth of foreign policy and government experience. But since Biden is not the presidential candidate, it makes Obama look bad, I guess.

All of that is a crazy gamble, but it still doesn't knock down the biggest question:

Is this the best person McCain could find to be president after him, in case he's not available? And if it isn't (and let's be honest - it isn't), what does that say about his judgment?

Seriously, I think he hit it.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 38 - I’M BRAIN DEAD

2008-08-29T19:58:00.004-04:00

Alright, I'm back. But bad news: My mind is blown. It's so bad that I have foregone any attempt at being productive, so I will settle for being effective and just share my mental breakdown with you, oh my brothers and sisters.

These are the thoughts runnin’ through my mind, in no particular order. Seriously, I am stunned at the choice of Governor Sarah Palin. I can barely focus on things I need to do because this is absolutely crazy and unexpected.

Here’s the randomness:

• Be not confused; this is GREAT for the Democrats. But I just can't understand how the Republikkkans would kill themselves like this.

• Today is John McCain’s birthday. He turned 72. That means that if he were to serve a full 8-year term as POTUS, he would leave office at 80. I have no words for that.

• Governor Sarah Palin is 44. She is a first-term governor of Alaska and has 2 years on the job.

• I can’t believe this…

• The term I keep hearing on the news is that the vice-president is always “a heartbeat away” from the presidency. When running for POTUS, a VP choice would need to be ready to assume the responsibilities of Commander-in-Chief at any time. Huh?

• CNN’s Jack Cafferty absolutely roasted Palin on Wolf Blitzer’s The Situation Room today. As he said, the Republikkkans gave the Democrats "an early Christmas."

• Remember that America is involved in the War on Terror, which has us bogged down in Afghanistan, Iraq and could take us into Iran very soon. Does she have any – any – foreign policy expertise? I know she's a member of the NRA, but does having a gun mean that you can run multiple wars and the economy? WTF?!

• The job she held before being elected governor was mayor of a town in Alaska that has less than 6,000 residents. Westbumba-clat, Alaska, I believe is the name.

• …………

• There is only one tactical victory for the GO-Pee in this spectacular moment in historic political fuckery. Nobody is really talking about Obama. Not even me.

• This has fried my brain. The only fear I have is that since this is so unexplainable, it might have the effect of a mass lobotomy, and we will all become walking zombies, mental vegetables, and just start agreeing with everything. Jesus, this is so random.

• Senator John McCain just gave the Democrats the gift of political victory over the GOP, hopefully for generations and not just four years. And it's his birthday, not ours.

• ??????????

• Governor Palin is under investigation in her state, for possibly having a role in the firing of a State Trooper. The trooper was her brother-in-law. Nothing corrupt about that.

• Desperation is so unattractive. The Republikkkans have no game at all. What is this woman doing in this party? She is kind of cute…

• Imagine the Vice Presidential debate, coming soon to your favorite television news network. Trust me, if you’ve never trusted me before: Senator Joseph Biden is going to effortlessly take her apart – no question. All he has to do is ask her on live television to tell him anything about anything in the world.

• On the low, this is insulting as hell to women. Maybe on the high. McCain basically said, with the national microphone, "Look here, bitches: I picked up this strange married MILF from Alaska. So vote for me, because all you broads are the same anyway. Oh, and don't get pregnant accidentally anytime soon!! We ain't havin' it, but you are!!!"

• !... ?... !

• This is what you call political pandering, and my guess is that Senator Clinton’s “Hillraisers” support group is going to see right through this as soon as the Democrats begin to mount their assault.

• Seriously, I just knew that the GOP would make this harder. I’m shocked. Happy that they made the wrong move, but disappointed at their stupidity and taking all the fun out of the game.

• ??!!?

• I agree with David Gergen. It should have been Mitt Romney. That would have made sense. How would you feel today if you were Mitt Romney? You know how much chee$e that fool spent trying to be McCain's flunky? FAIL.

• Republikkkans have got to be nervous as hell.

• Wow. She's a journalism graduate. Journalism is dead.

• I gotta call my Dad and my older brother. I know they’re tripping as well.

• I need a drink.

• They say that Palin hasn’t even been “vetted” by the media yet. God, how bad is this shite going to be??

• She came in 2nd in the Miss Alaska '84 pageant. Damn. But, like I told the homie GARLAND earlier, I can’t front. Palin is thick, and I would beat.

• ! ! ! ?

• Jesus. Obama and Biden won’t even say anything bad about her. That’s smart; they don’t even need to. They can let the rest of the world wobble on its axis today and just remain cool. See, that’s why I like Obama. Cooler heads prevail.

• Meltdown… We are witnessing the meltdown of a major political party... My brain is farting…

• The only president to take the oath and enter the Oval Office older than McCain was Ronald Reagan. You know he had Altzheimer's.

• I have to leave this house, or I will suffer complete and total mental collapse.

I’ll be back later. Maybe not until tomorrow. Help me, Jesus. Help me, Tom Cruise.

POLITICAL SUICIDE (in the guise of respecting women)

2008-08-29T09:38:00.005-04:00

It has been CONFIRMED BY CNN that Senator John McCain has chosen that lady above, Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska, as his running mate. More on this later...

All I can say for now is that this is a very bold move. And I don't know what the hell to make of this, except that this is a blatant stab at the Hillary vote.

Man, I'm going to have a lot to say about this one. For now, this is one of the worst moves I could have predicted by the Republikkkans. How stupid...

Stay tuned...

GOOD MORNING: YOU ARE NOW ALIVE

2008-08-29T08:15:00.000-04:00

This is what happened last night. Contrary to what Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Christopher "The Notorious B.I.G." Wallace both said, before they were both assasinated, it was not all a dream. It happened.

As of today, Friday, August 29, 2008, the future is full of promise for those of us who believe in the natural right of all earth citizens to renew the spirit of God within us all. Once again, we can claim the royalty from whence we came. I do not watch the weather report, so I am uncertain whether or not the sun will shine where you awaken this morning, but it is certainly shining down in spirit upon the faces of those who see the dawn of a new day, even if it's through the rain of another Gulf Coast hurricane. And you can count me as one of those people.

We will not only survive the coming storm as a country, we will weather it and rebuild that which has been torn asunder, smashed against the rocks of racism and flooded with fear and loathing. Just as we have before, we shall again. We will conquer that which threatens our livelyhood and build a better tomorrow with the foundation that we have in this very day.

On this day, the Friday before Labor Day, which leads into the month I was born, I am happy, grateful and excited to be a living, breathing human being. And I cherish the fact that some great entity that created this whole idea called "life" actually thought enough of me to place oxygen in my battered lungs once again, along with the vision in my eyes, hunger in my brain and encouragement in my soul. I believe that this is the day that things will undoubtedly become irreversable on the path to a positive existence. And I am ready for the challenge of today, tomorrow and beyond.

I am awake. Now wake your punk ass up too and join the rest of the living; we've got work to do.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: HISTORY IS MADE (Day 37)

2008-08-28T20:59:00.005-04:00

Former Vice President Al Gore Jr. has just spoken at Invesco Field, a.k.a. Mile High Stadium, in Denver, Colorado. Wolf Blitzer just admitted that he was dancing, although off-camera, to the sounds of Stevie Wonder singing "Signed, Sealed, Delivered." An estimated 80,000 people have gathered to witness this event.

I'm, like, totally amazed and excited that I'm alive. I don't know about you, but this is some serious shit. If you're not excited too, I don't want to know you. And don't leave a comment on my blog either if you're a hater, because I'll trace your IP address and make you the laughing stock of the internet in my own special way that no one will ever have to know about. This is a big deal, and if you're not on my side, you're on the wrong side of history.

So this is how I'll start this post on this historic day. I'll be back later tonight to update it with the actual speech. The homie Chuck from UNDERGROUND LIVE is in town, so we're heading to downtown Atlanta to find the crowd and celebrate this moment.

Seriously, can you believe this is actually happening?

"THE A-TEAM" IS DEAD

2008-08-28T18:38:00.007-04:00

Damn. Like, really damn. I can honestly call Rashan Ali and Emperor Searcy friends of mine. I've known both of them for 10 years, and unlike a lot of people who claim to be in the celebrity circle, I can honestly say that both of them know me. So this is wack as hell to me. But, for the record, "The A-Team Morning Show" of Radio One of Atlanta (Hot 107.9) IS DEAD.

The A-Team consisted of Rashan, Searcy, Griffy 2 Trillion and... uh... somebody else, I think. But they are long-standing A-town vets who were there since Atlanta began to blow and stayed down to this day. And it is this day, the day that Obama will accept the nomination, that they have accepted pink slips from Radio One. They are being replaced by THE RICKY SMILEY MORNING SHOW.

The good news about this is that all three main characters of the A-Team are well situated. Rashan is happily married with child, and I don't see her in a financial crunch. Searcy is a partner in Black Market Entertainment, a.k.a. BME, which is also co-owned by Jonathan "Lil' Jon" Smith. He's not at all poor. And Griff is a great host, comedian and personality in his own right, so I assume that he'll either move to another market or find his way to television in the next 12 months.

But to be honest, with no disrespect intended, the show hasn't been the same since Ryan Cameron left. And from what I hear, Ricky Smiley's syndicated radio show isn't really that good, but I haven't heard it, so you ain't heard that from me. But seriously, I don't expect it to last very long in Atlanta, because there are so many home-grown morning shows here, and this city is too big for something that's not local. Tom Joyner is the exception, like Larry Bird. Ricky Smiley? Nope.

Mark my words; Smiley won't last in Atlanta. But, on another note, why does this feel like the opening night of the Olympics? You remember, when John Edwards announced that he had fathered a bastard love-child and cheated on his wife, who has terminal cancer. In other words, people like to put out bad news announcements when the story is likely to be overlooked because of something much more major. Like the acceptance speech of the first African-American nominee for POTUS by a major political party.

I hate this for "The A-Team", but I love this day in history. And, on that note, I'm about to head to downtown Atlanta, to be with some good people as Senator Barack Obama makes his speech.

Life is good. Light-skinded is back! We are living history. This is crazy. I'm supercrunk. Time to hit the town. God bless America (wow).

WHITE RAMBO vs. BLACK RAMBO: WHO KILLED IT?

2008-08-28T12:27:00.008-04:00

People are always saying that Hip-Hop is too violent. And the general response to this statement from those defending Hip-Hop's right to using violent and vulgar rhetoric is that actors like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sylvester Stallone have killed more people on film than any thugged-out rapper has killed MCs on wax.

So I came across two videos of two different Rambos. One uses the machine gun and the other uses his mouth as a weapon. You tell me: Which of the two deadly MCs is really killing it?

BLACK RAMBO:

WHITE RAMBO:

Seems to me that our Italian-American brother John Rambo is way realer than the OG from Compton. Gangster rap stays losing.

WAKE UP: YOU ARE NOW LIVING HISTORY

2008-08-28T08:00:00.000-04:00

Who do you want to be today? What's so special about Thursday, August 28, 2008? When do you plan to thank God for the breath that's in your lungs? Where are you going in your life? Why should you be happy to be alive? How do we get even further than we are today?

All six of those questions begin with the starting words that journalists are taught to ask their subjects. Who, what, when, where, why and how. Allow me to add a seventh query to the list:

Do you care enough to be alive at this crucial time in history?

Today is the 45th anniversary of the deliverance of the so-called "I Have a Dream" speech by the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He was a titan among all men, not just African-Americans. If my math is correct, he would be 79 years old today, if he were not assasinated by cowards who did not want to allow change to come about in American society. Unfortunately, like many great men and women who sought to make a difference in the way the world works, he was stopped short before he could see the future he helped develop with his own eyes.

Fortunately for the continuing development of African-American culture - and that is not to say that I don't wish that all cultures continue to develop, besides white supremacists - we have new heroes. Of course, Senator Barack Obama, who was nominated last night as the Democratic nominee for POTUS, is an outstanding, shining example. But there are others, oh my brothers and sisters.

You and I are included in that number of saints who can now march forward into tomorrow with pride, dignity, integrity and purpose. This morning is a great morning, and it is the foundation upon which the future will be built. So please, PLEASE, get your punk ass out of bed and join the rest of the new civilized world.

We are now evolved.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 36 - THE JOE SHOW

2008-08-27T11:59:00.005-04:00

TODAY:

Let's start with the shucking and jiving Anne Price Mills, a Democratic delegate for Senator Hillary Clinton, who was interviewed immediately following the speech given by Clinton by the Queen of the TV Lite-Brites, Suzanne Malveaux. I'm not the only one who believes that she was planted by the GOP and told to stir up mixed emotions. I mean, why the hell was she crying? And what was she trying to say at the very end, when she starts to speak on Senator Barack Obama's "resume", then let's her head down, shrugging and sighing? Should we be dissappointed in the nominee? GTFOH.

Notice the guy standing next to her and the white guy standing behind Suzanne when she finally pulls the microphone away to end the interview. Last question: Why are all of these African-American and Hispanic/Latino people coming out of the woodwork and repeating Republickin talking points - right when the DNC is happening? It's either a setup or some of that old slave mentality stuff coming back, I tell ya. Either way, I'm sure the GOP is happy about it. It sews confusion, and confusion is a strategy for victory when properly executed. And this is one confused black woman...

On another note, we will see both Senator Joe Biden and former President Bill Clinton speak tonight. Who knows what Bill will say, but I can give you some hints as to what Biden will offer.

First of all, Joe Biden is known for being a little unbridled, but EVERYONE AGREES THAT HE SPEAKS THE TRUTH. To be honest, I was never as worried about Barack's chances against Hillary as I would have been if he were matched against Biden. Anyone still hanging on to a fear that Biden may not have been the correct choice, watch the video below. I'm telling you, this guy is official...

Expect this guy to come out swinging against the Republickins. Expect Clinton to talk about himself and to say just enough nice things about Barack to get over. And expect the GOP strategists to officially start worrying after tonight.

DEAD PREZ SAYS "WAKE THE EFF UP"

2008-08-27T09:17:00.001-04:00

What better way to get your Wednesday morning started than with some of that good revolutionary Hip-Hop music as the soundtrack to your daily survival? I can think of none at the moment.

This song, "It's Bigger Than Hip-Hop", by dead prez, has been on heavy rotation in my mental radio station recently, and I can't figure out why. Maybe it's because good Hip-Hop music is on life-support. Maybe the reason why I'm posting an old video by Dead Prez is because my own blog is dead and I have nothing better to do. Or maybe - just maybe - true Hip-Hop music never dies, because true Hip-Hop music finds ways to speak the immortal truth about life and the everlasting, never-ending struggle for peace, love and progress.

The truth is that the fight is far from finished, and songs like the one above are perfect melodies to wake your tired ass up from the clutches of death's cousin. Whether you're still slumbering through the morning, currently in a corporate cubicle cage or trying to settle into your own solitary confinement of creativity, it's time to get on your grind.

The game of life ~~does not~~ don't wait. And life is bigger than Hip-Hop. And Hip-Hop is bigger than religion, "my nigga" and the government. Didn't we go over this yesterday morning?

"Better drink a Red Bull;
You can't sleep on life..."
Young Jeezy - "I Luv It"

REALLY DEAD MCs

2008-08-26T20:21:00.005-04:00

Tiny Dancer, the famous Chihuahua known as the world's smallest therapy dog, IS REALLY DEAD. The little guy was 5 inches tall and weighed 18 ounces. Awww...

It has been rumored that there is a bidding war going on between Rocawear, Sean John, Michael Vick and China for Tiny's carcass. Diddy and Jay-Z both want to skin him to make those winter coats with the fur lining on the hood. Michael Vick is craving some teriyaki dog jerky behind bars. And guess where they make that? China.

I mean, just look at Tiny Dancer's coat. That stuff could go for $200 a square millimeter in Macy's right now, just as they start rolling out the winter fashions. Sheeit, you might could even make an elegant hair extension out of that fuzz.

R.I.P. Tiny Dancer. You spread happiness to so many people. I hope that your afterlife your owner keeps your body out of the hands of carnivores and fur aficionados.

HIP-HOP REPUBLICKINS: DEAD ON ARRIVAL

2008-08-26T18:18:00.004-04:00

Grab your barf bags... It's time to meet Tiffany Shorter and Richard Ivory, possibly the lamest black people alive.

Believe it or not, I am very tolerant of Republikkkans. I understand some of their long-standing ideas on governing and freedoms, and I do remember that Abraham Lincoln was a member of the GOP. The problem with this is that these two twits are trying to mesh the ideology of the GOP with the cultural significance of Hip-Hop, as if you can belong to Hip-Hop culture and still remain a Republikkkan. The two are not now and will never be compatible.

In my own opinion, it is disgusting that Richard Ivory (ironic) says in the video that he likes Nas, the rapper who recently tried to name his album Nigger and was censored due to pressure from Reverend Al Sharpton, with help from Bill O'Reilly. By the way, how sad is it that the surest way to combine the persuasive powers of the far right and the far left is to try to make a piece of recorded art that investigates the power of a word?

I would bet money that Nas wouldn't like Richard or his ladyfriend. He even says around the 7:06 mark that he wants to see a black Republikkkan win a congressional seat representing Harlem in the next 20 years. Pardon me for a second...

*puking on myself*

Whew! Ok, back to the story, it is also vile that Tiffany Shorter says that she admires Richard Nixon around the 3:30 mark. She says that he was a moderate Republikkkan who instituted Affirmative Action, which she believes was needed at the time, yet she is now "ambiguous" about the program. What she probably doesn't know is that Nixon also allowed the infamous GOP "Southern Strategy" of using racism to begin under his oversight, which helped his party retain the electoral voting bloc of the south. In other words, starting Affirmative Action was probably the least that Nixon could do for turning the racial hatred that seethed beneath the Mason-Dixon Line against the party of Lyndon Johnson, who actually listened to great men like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Sure, we can get jobs at quota numbers from Republikkkans, but we can't have the power to create political change without a Democrat.

I look at Richard and Tiffany's faces, which have the putrid look of moral superiority and/or intellectual elitism, and I wish I could pepper spray them through my laptop screen. I am very averse to smart people who let themselves be promoted as racial pioneers by racists who use them as lab rats. Black Republikkkans are nothing but doppelgangers, like all Republikkkans. I look at them as walking brain-dead corpses, trying to recruit the rest of us into a hellish existence just so that they'll have company as they wait for a plate of dinner scraps to slide under their doors from inside the master's house.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 35 - REGGAETON IS OFFICIALLY DEAD

2008-08-26T13:40:00.001-04:00

I just can't even believe this awkward buffoonery. Look at your boy, Daddy Yankee, going out like a straight sucker...

Senator John McCain, the presumptive GOP nominee, says he's introducing "a special friend" and a "great American success story" (from Puerto Rico) who's been married for 15 years with three kids, aged 14, 12 and 10. Then this guy Daddy Yankee comes on stage looking like a 40-year old pedophile, hugging girls his childrens' ages and rambling in short bursts of Spanglish about how he's backing McCain because of his stance on immigration.

If this doesn't seem strange to you, it's because you don't pay attention. See, Puerto Ricans have no problem getting in and out of the U.S. Their Visas aren't like Mexican citizens'. So I don't exactly get Yankee's point. However, this is a great moment of opportunity for the Democrats. This is precisely where John McCain is weak when it comes to his political base of support.

You'd better believe that the immigration issue is what almost kept him from getting the nomination from the Republickins in the first place. Now, he's touting it early and unnecessarily. If the Democrats are smart and not the weak, punk-ass beeyotches that the Republickins always frame them as, they'll make an attack ad that goes as hard as McCain's recent commercial that tries to put a wedge between the supporters of Senator Hillary Clinton and the rest of the Democratic party. See below:

See how McCain is trying to meddling in Democratic party affairs, trying to make Clinton seem like a victim and Obama look like a white chocolate devil for not choosing or consulting her on the VP issue? Keep in mind that before the Dems' convention started, something like 24% of Clinton supporters said that they would rather support McCain on November 4, all because they're "outraged" at the way their girl was treated by Obama.

Well, the Democrats need to put something out that says something to the effect of, "John McCain wants the Hip-Hop vote so badly that he went out and got a washed-up reggaeton artist to confirm what we already know - McCain will leave our borders unsecured for thousands, if not millions, of undocumented illegal immigrants to cross into America. This is the guy conservatives don't really want to support..."

That would start some serious whispering among the neo-conservatives and evangelicals who are only supporting McCain because they have no better option. But one thing independent candidates don't want to hear about is our country losing more jobs to illegals at a time when the economy is pissier than McCain's bedsheets.

The Democrats need to either grow some nuts or some nipples and stop walking the fence, so to speak, on this issue. Time to get tough; McCain would have done the same. And by the way, what was the last Daddy Yankee song you liked?

- My name is THE UNDERWRITER, and Barack Obama did not approve this message. But the Democrats had better tell him to get on my level soon if they want to win this election.

FLOWERS

2008-08-26T10:51:00.000-04:00

Andre Young Jr., the son of Dr. Dre, WAS FOUND DEAD by his mother, in his California home over the weekend.

Details are sketchy right now, so look for an update when some hard facts come in. I don't think that they mean HOOD SURGEON, Dre's son who signed a deal with JT the Bigga Figga; I believe his name is actually Curtis Young and not Andre Jr., so this is obviously a different son.

Need more time to investigate for better details. For now, man, my heart goes out to the family. See what I was saying earlier this morning? You never know when someone you love is gonna go. Keep the good Doctor in your prayers.

WAKING UP THE DEAD: THE TUESDAY MORNING ALARM CLOCK

2008-08-26T10:15:00.000-04:00

To you, this post might have nothing to do with anything, but to me, it has something to do with everything going on in the world right now. You see, the most recent album by your favorite rapper is ony going to last 3-6 months. The flyest video you're going to see in the next week or so will only last until the beginning of winter, and that's if it's really good. That's a short lifespan, and it's only getting worse with more and more people calling themselves rappers and less shelf space available for old rap records. But classic Hip-Hop is immortal. Believe that.

R.I.P. Scott La Rock (Boogie Down Productions)

The problem is that our culture has been hijacked by hermaphrodites and hookers of harmony who don't care what type of music they make, as long as that music makes money and provides for another fiscal year of trickery and financial fuckery. This is probably where "making it rain" comes in, leaving the lower class feeling left out of the loop, wishing for a watershed moment when the odds are even and the ears and eyes of executives are open and exposed. Everyone wants his or her own time to shine, even if it is restricted to fifteen minutes; it's hard not to be a critic when you're riding in a Civic. Best thing to do is stop talking it and live it.'

"This one is for Dilla"... R.I.P. Jay Dee

Like Erykah said on "The Healer," our culture is bigger than religion, "my nigga" and the government. I would add that it should be bigger than money, but that remains to be seen. There are, however, some things that will always be bigger than Hip-Hop, such as life, liberty and the pursuit of ~~happiness~~ freedom.

Quiet as it's kept, Hip-Hop is even bigger than death. Some of our most beloved heroes have found everlasting life through their musical legacies. Word to Big Pun and Buffy of The Fat Boys, who were both big as hell but aren't here to see the new morning with us, like J. Dilla and Scott La Rock.

We're at the dawn of a new day, and all it takes is a majority of believers to overwhelm the minority of haters. But we can't get there if you sleep through your damned alarm clock. So climb your tired ass out of bed and join the movement of the living - those of us who care more about contributing than collecting, ones that are more interested in legacies than liquid assets.

THE GIRL WHO WOULD HAVE BEEN QUEEN

2008-08-25T19:00:00.001-04:00

Now I remember why it rained and I felt sick all day today. TODAY IS THE DAY BABY GIRL PASSED.

In case you didn't know, I was then and continue to be now an immense stan for the late Aaliyah Haughton. Still feels like she's supposed to be here and on top of the world. Does anyone else remember how awful the fall season of 2001 was? I shouldn't have to remind you.

Instead of "I Miss You," which is a great song and all, I had to put one of my favorite videos. I don't think that those who have passed on always want us remembering them with sad memories.

Damn, she was fly.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 34

2008-08-25T15:03:00.000-04:00

TODAY:

As you know, we are now in the week of the blue party. The reported theme of this Monday night of the Democratic National Convention is "One Nation." I'll be watching House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Congressman Jesse Jackson III, among others, deliver speeches tonight.

It's basically the first big night at the convention, and it's looking like "family night." Maya Soetero-Ng, Senator Barack Obama's sister, and Craig Robinson, his brother-in-law, will both take the podium at some early point of the evening. Then, the next First Lady of The United States of America, Mrs. Michelle Obama, will be at center stage as the night's headliner at the Pepsi Center of Denver, CO. Obama has a beautifully diverse family. Just wanted to say that.

Oh, and check this out...

The schedule includes a surprise speaker, Republican Iowa Sen. Jim Leach, a moderate who broke ranks with his party this month and endorsed Obama.

SOURCE: US NEWS & WORLD REPORT

That's a good look, because the Republickins are certainly going to bring out Senator Joe Lieberman, who is a traitor to the cause. Can you believe that this guy was actually the Democratic VP nominee under Al Gore in 2000? What a dewshbag.

Senator Edward Kennedy will also be honored at the convention. He is already scheduled to appear and is rumored to be speaking. That would be a big boost for the Dems, who love Teddy Kennedy like a fairy Godfather.

In the meantime, candidate Obama will be BACK IN IOWA TODAY, reminding the residents of the state that he appreciates the fact that they made this whole week possible. Without them, it would be a Clinton event. Thanks to their vote, history will be made. Obama will arrive at the convention after the debt of gratitude is paid. Don't mind my enthusiasm, but this shit is exciting if you're into politics.

On the Republickin side, McCain will be on TV tonight, trying to steal some viewers with his geezerly posture. He is going to be wheeled in on a gurney to The Tonight Show to talk with Jay Leno about his colonoscopy, blood pressure and amount of Levitra it takes to make his penis large enough to hold in his hand when urinating. Should be a great show, I guess.

DIG THIS: HIP-HOP IS NOT DEAD

2008-08-25T11:35:00.001-04:00

This one is for the "Hip-Hop is Dead" crowd. Just watch it; it needs no help from me.

You gotta love how Bucky Garrison, a.k.a. TrapDatAzz, represented for my homestate of Alabama. Classic.

POETIC JUSTICE: WAKING UP THE DEAD

2008-08-25T09:30:00.001-04:00

I haven't found an embeddable video of HAIK HOISINGTON & TAALAM ACEY'S "TRUE LIES" POEM, but if you have 2:03 to spare this morning, you really need to click that link. The wordplay and animation combined are ill.

Here's a different poem, same poet, no animation. Still dope.

If you wanted to wake up this morning thinking that everything was right in America, now that the Democrats are about to officially nominate the first African-American major party candidate for POTUS, then don't let me keep you from dreaming. Snooze on, and if you have a vision of euphorian utopias, write it down when the alarm clock goes off. Maybe we can sell your notes as a bedtime story for children.

That was a joke. Seriously - wake your tired ass up and smell the rotting corpse of our free democracy burning through your nasal passages. If we're going to celebrate the death of the true American dream, let's just call this convention what it really is - a "second line" parade. Let's bring out the brass band, do our dances and get it all over with. You know I'm down.

However, if we intend instead to resurrect our democracy and bring America back from George Bush's hell, we've got more work to do than partying in Denver. So let's not get carried away with all the hype. Feel the momentum, breathe in the fresh air and get ready to buckle down. The Republickins are going to do anything and everything to keep a Democrat out of office. If necessary, we're going to have to fight back.

If, by chance, you were already awake, here's another dose of black coffee. Oh, if only "if" was a spliff...

There's nothing wrong with a pep rally, as long as you win the game afterwards.
- The Underwriter
(hell yeah, I quote myself when I say fresh lines like that)

LEGALLY-DEAD MCs

2008-08-24T17:11:00.003-04:00

I'm late like a pregnant MILF on this, but just for the record, Da Brat, aka Shawntae Harris, aka Lisa Raye's adopted sister, IS LEGALLY DEAD.

Ms. Harris, known for being introduced to the Hip-Hop world by Jermaine Dupri as the older sister of Kris Kross and the female answer to Snoop (Doggy) Dogg, was sentenced to three years in prison for assaulting an employee of Studio 72, Dupri's club in ~~Atlanta~~ Tucker, GA.

Side note: The recipient of the bottle to the dome was also an Atlanta Falcons cheerleader.

The rapper and a half-dozen family members all broke down after hearing the sentence.

"I love y'all," she said to her relatives as a deputy hauled her away, the Atlanta-Journal Constitution reports.

"We love you too," her family replied in unison.

SOURCE: US MAGAZINE

Harris is also known as a "good friend" of Mariah Carey. I wonder how this will affect the relationship with Nick Cannon. Better yet, I wonder if Mariah, Jermaine, Lisa or any of Brat's other famous friends will have any pull in getting an appeal. So far, it seems like it's being accepted as the way it is.

For the record, I actually always thought that Da Brat could rip any female artist (nolo). Remember the "No One Else" remix, featuring Lil' Kim and Foxy? Those were the days when women were on the rap music come-up. Now? Well, all three of them can call themselves convicts. Sexy? Not at all.

UPDATE: I'm hearing rumors that the sentence got reduced to a year and a half, and they're trying to get it down to 1 year. Good luck with that. Keep your head up, Brat. And tell J.D. to drop a mixtape or something soon, so the buzz will be sustained. ~~What buzz?~~

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 33

2008-08-24T13:34:00.001-04:00

[I'm going to wait for a day or two to weigh in on why Senator Barack Obama, by selecting Senator Joe Biden as his VP candidate, has made a great political move. Too many people are putting up nonsense opinions right now. I prefer it quiet when I'm speaking.]

TODAY:

Sunday is always the day that the major networks do the weekly wrap-up in political and governmental affairs. This weekend, the talk of the nation is still Obama/Biden but several other stories are also emerging. Senator Hillary Clinton is expected to RELEASE HER DELEGATES and the Rules and Bylaws committee of the Democratic Party have FULLY RESTORED THE MICHIGAN AND FLORIDA DELEGATES, both just in time for the national convention, which begins tomorrow.

But keep this in mind:

Some of Clinton's supporters were outraged that the delegates were not fully reinstated in May. They were also angry that Obama claimed some of the delegates won by Clinton in Michigan.

SOURCE: THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

It could get ugly, or at least stupid, if those Hillraisers decide to cut the fool at the convention. Denver, Colorado has built temporary holding cells in a city-owned warehouse for those who violate the law during convention week. FYI: The first version had razor wire at the top.

New reports say that the razor wire was removed. I guess they didn't want pictures to come out of Hillary fans who had escaped either by chewing their way through the floor or shredding their faces and bodies into square centimeters - just to demonstrate against Senator Obama. I'm telling you, those people have the devil in their hearts...

Not that I really care, I'm just reporting. I'm not trying to find out if there's actually razor wire on those cages, so I'm staying in GA this week. Feel free to get arrested in my place and report the story after you're gagged, beaten and thrown against a chicken wire fence for fun. Like the Chappelle skit said, "If you've got hate in your heart, let it out."

I suspect that there will be plenty acts of random hate this week, as the new Democratic regime attempts to regain the reigns of control over the party, and Republickins do everything in their power to continue the chaos. For God's sake, man; she's even got something called a "whip team", which is supposed to be in place to overshadow the dissenters in her party who plan to disrupt the convention with noise, angst and hate. We'll see how good of a job she does "whipping" her own friends as they yell in her defense.

If you have an Obama t-shirt and plan to support the man in November, this is the week to bring it out. If you don't have one, buy one. They have some cool bootlegs in Five Points, off Campbellton Road and even Old Nat'l. Oh, and even if you want something free, MOVEON.ORG is shipping free Obama/Biden stickers to supporters. I think all you need is an email address, which you obviously have.

Word to the wise: If you're in Denver this weekend, don't trip; the police might get on some "Operation Heartbreak Hotel" stuff and straight gas you haters to death in that warehouse.

"Listen to me now,
Believe me later on..."

Khujo Goodie of GooDIE Mo.B - "Cell Therapy"

THE D IS DEAD

2008-08-24T12:24:00.000-04:00

I tried and tried not to post this video, but as you see I have failed. I was just going to let it go and let people find it on all the other blogs, but no. I just had to have it. Ladies and gentlemen, brothers and sisters, I present to you the absolute worst song and video that currently exists on earth.

How old are these kids, and why are they in a graveyard? What the hell is going on?

REALLY DEAD MCs

2008-08-24T10:00:00.000-04:00

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross died on this day of 2004. You may have no idea who she was, but she was something like an authority on all things dead. Her classic book, On Death and Dying, first published in 1973, confronted the experience of dying and turned Kübler-Ross into an overnight world celebrity. She is considered to be responsible for the success of the medical movement known as "hospice." So big she was, in fact, that Time Magazine named her one of the "100 Most Important Thinkers" of the 20th century in 1999.

Seems only right that she gets a tribute four years to the day that she found out whether or not she was right about her life's work.

She wrote MAD BOOKS.

She received HELLA AWARDS AND HONORS.

She was covered by THE NEW YORK TIMES.

Hell, I even found a STREAMING NPR INTERVIEW.

But just in case you're feeling lazy or just plain uninterested, here are a few quick quotes that I found interesting...

"It's only when we truly know and understand that we have a limited time on earth -- and that we have no way of knowing when our time is up, we will then begin to live each day to the fullest, as if it was the only one we had."

"We run after values that, at death, become zero."

"Those who learned to know death, rather than to fear and fight it, become our teachers about life."

*All quotes: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross. R.I.P.

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 32

2008-08-23T17:35:00.002-04:00

TODAY:

I'm not going to say much. But as you can see...

I CALLED IT.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFO.

FYI: Liberal America just exhaled a deep breath of relief... And again, I was right. Respect my authority on politics (and all else).

THE OBAMA CRUSADE: Day 31 - The Fever Pitch

2008-08-22T16:21:00.007-04:00

TODAY:

Senator Obama is either finishing or continuing to call and thank the people on his shortlist for vice-presidential candidates for their support. Then he's telling them that they are no bueno. God bless you; good night.

Did my man Senator Joe Biden make the cut? We may find out later today, and we may not hear about it until tomorrow. But there are new developments that will make House Speaker Nancy Pelosi look like the queen of the Democratic party if true...

This Democratic vice-presidential guessing game has hit an effing fever pitch. Who knows what will happen. I'm trying not to go to far with my ideas, but you already know who I predicted will be the choice: Senator Joe Biden.

UPDATE: IT WILL NOT BE EVAN BAYH OR TIM KAINE.
Still, I could be wrong, but you already know what I think.

REALLY DEAD MCs

2008-08-22T10:00:00.000-04:00

The Shogun of Harlem, Julius Carry III, IS REALLY DEAD.

The Last Dragon was a dope movie, if for no other reason than Vanity was in it and Berry Gordy produced it. Lest you forget, Vanity was fine as hell back in those days when she was on drugs and MAKING SONGS ABOUT GETTING SKEETED ON. Unfortunately, since she ditched Prince and found God (I didn't know he was lost), she's gained weight and lost her mojo. Ho-hum...

I've always wondered what the hell happened to Bruce Leroy. You always assumed that The Shogun just went back to being the bad MF that he was before the movie, but nice guys like Bruce Leroy don't make it in Hollywood. Either way, Bruce Leroy (too lazy to look up his real name) got the stage gaffled from under his feet whenever Sho Nuff entered the picture. Similar to The Dark Knight, in The Last Dragon the hero was outshined by the villain so much that we almost wish that the villain would get his own movie. This dude's style was so wild that Kanye even stole his swagger with the sun shades:

For his final encore, here's Julius Carry III performing the role that made him famous.

R.I.P. Shogun.

Who is the master?
I am.